COMMENT: Is it possible for Singaporeans to be grateful complainers?

I once heard a story about a man who spent his entire life in an extremely polluted city.

One day, he went on a hiking trip. After hours and hours of climbing, he finally made it to the top of the mountain.

The air on the mountaintop was fresh, crisp and clean.

The man looked confused. He said, “What’s that weird smell?”

The man had become so used to breathing in polluted air that clean air was alien to him.

He didn’t even know what fresh air smelled like, much less how to appreciate it.

As a nation, what have we become used to?

This story made me reflect on how life is a lot about what we’re used to:

• If you’re used to flying first class, you’ll feel annoyed if you’re forced to fly economy class.

• If you’re used to driving, you’ll feel frustrated if you’re forced to take public transportation during peak hour.

• If you’re used to eating plain rice on its own at every meal, you’ll feel excited about eating a gourmet meal at a restaurant.

• If you’re used to working seven days a week, you’ll feel thankful if you only need to work six days a week.

• If you’re used to going on vacation twice a year, you’ll feel upset if you only get to go on one vacation this year.

When we get used to something, we almost accept it as a fact. If anything happens to change that “fact”, we’ll have a strong emotional response to that change.

As a nation, what have we gotten so used to that it’s become a fact?

The orderly country of Singapore

I, for one, am used to how orderly things are in Singapore.

People queue up.

There’s a process for everything.

People are (generally) law-abiding.

Roads have lane markings. (If you’ve been to developing countries before, you’ll know that this isn’t as common as you might think.)

The habit of unhappiness

But we’re also used to being unhappy.

(Just take a look at the comments section of just about any Yahoo! Singapore article if you don’t believe me.)

Complaining—and the unhappiness that both precedes and accompanies it—is a popular Singaporean pastime. Even if it seems like there’s nothing to complain about, you can bet that we Singaporeans will still be able to pass a negative comment.

Of course, I'm not saying that we shouldn't provide feedback and constructive criticism. Neither should we pretend as if the problems of overcrowding and the high cost of living don’t exist.

But I am saying that unhappiness, just like happiness, is a habit.

In some strange way, maybe we like being unhappy?

How gratitude became uncool

Instead of being habitually unhappy, I propose that we become habitually thankful.

After all, just about every study on happiness shows that gratefulness directly boosts your happiness.

Why is it, then, that we don’t display gratitude more often?

And when did gratitude become uncool?

Nowadays, it seems like anyone who’s thankful for anything that Singapore has to offer must be a “bootlicker” or a “pappy”.

Gratefulness doesn’t mean you’re anti-progress

But isn’t it true that we can be grateful and push for change at the same time?

Isn't it true that we can be grateful but also suggest ways for the government to run the country more effectively?

Just because we’re grateful doesn’t mean that we’re contented to just sit back, relax, and not work hard to improve the situation.

Being grateful is about recognising how blessed we are, so that we can focus even more intensely on building a better future for our families and for Singapore.

In closing…

As a nation, I hope we’ll grow to understand this truth: gratefulness and progress aren’t mutually exclusive.

In fact, if we cultivate a habit of gratitude, Singapore will undoubtedly progress toward becoming a gentler, kinder and happier society.

Do we want to become an angry and bitter people? (Obviously, government policy greatly affects our lives, but it’s our decision if we allow ourselves to be passive participants in our own destiny.)

Or do we want to become a people of gratitude, guts and grit?

The choice is ours. Let’s choose wisely.

Daniel Wong is a learning and personal development expert, as well as a certified youth counselor. A sought-after speaker and coach, he is also the best-selling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers programmes to help students attain exam excellence while also finding happiness and fulfillment, and to empower parents to motivate their unmotivated teenagers. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-books, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?" and "Singapore Scholarship Guide: The $500,000 Decision". The views expressed are his own.