Is cheating ever justified?

You are never there. You don’t love me anymore. You earn too much money. You are not successful enough. You are too good for me. Regardless of what the excuses are, somehow it is your fault that your partner cheated on you.

Like it or not, cheating has become increasingly common in today’s society. In a recent Durex survey, 33 percent of Malaysian men admitted to being unfaithful to their spouses while some 39 percent of Malaysian women also confessed to having betrayed their partners.

What makes it more interesting are the excuses used to justify cheating, whether from the cheats themselves, or the ones being cheated on. Why the excuses? For one thing, a cheat finds it easier to shift the responsibility to his or her partner. Meanwhile, making excuses for a cheating partner makes it easier to accept their behaviour rather than facing the truth.

Here are some common excuses we’ve heard used to justify the cheating. You decide if they stick or not.

“I TRIED TO SAY NO”

Obviously your partner didn’t try hard enough or else the cheating wouldn’t have happened. Also, by using this excuse your partner is indirectly telling you that he or she tried to restrain, but the temptation was just too much. You’ve got to at least give your partner an A for effort, right?

So what happens the next time he or she is tempted again? Will your partner be strong enough to fight off lust or will it be a moment of weakness again?

“YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR ME”

When Billy Bob Thorton had an alleged affair with a waitress while married to Angelina Jolie, he said it was because he was afraid of her. "She was too beautiful for me, she was too smart for me. I felt so small next to her. I’m a scared person.” Sounds like someone doesn’t know how good he had it. Isn’t the whole idea of being in a relationship to be proud of the person you are with? Why would anyone want to be someone who is inferior, not so beautiful and not good enough? Normally, the person who uses this excuse for cheating is someone with low self-esteem. Cheating is probably his or her way feeling like they have an upper hand in the relationship.

“HE/SHE NEVER MEANT TO HURT ME”

Wait, but they did, right? With the cheating? It is never easy to admit that your partner has gone behind your back and violated your trust. So the easier way to handle this is to make it a one-time affair, as if your partner was not in the right frame of mind when cheating. News flash – your partner definitely knew the consequences of his or her action but still went ahead with it. What does that say about your relationship and respecting you?

It is a very simple equation: When you cheat, you hurt your partner. You have completely disregarded his or her feelings, which means you have no respect for them in the first place. Still think your partner never meant to hurt you?

“IF ONLY I WAS HOME MORE OFTEN”

Yes, if only you were sexier. If only you were more attentive. If only you bought her more things. Good relationships do not depend on ifs. They depend on trust, respect and mutual understanding between two individuals.

Besides, when will it stop – what if one day you are not beautiful enough and the next not loving enough? Our suggestion? Don’t blame your partner’s shortcomings on yourself.

“IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING”

For your partner, maybe. But for you? When your partner cheats on you, the bond between the two of you is broken and building it back may never be an option. If your partner values your relationship, should he or she do something that doesn’t mean anything to hurt you? And by saying this, it is obvious your partner has no regards for other people’s feelings, especially yours.

‘HE CAN’T HELP HIMSELF. HE NEEDS HELP”

Ah, the Tiger Woods Defense. When the golfer was caught cheating on his wife with many, many women, he claimed that it was his addiction to sex that made him do it and off he went to rehab. Can you use the same excuse for your philandering partner? Probably not because there is no such thing as not being able to help yourself. Everyone is capable of making a decision. The decision your partner made was to cheat on you and hope you’ll never find out.

Bottom line? It takes two to be in a relationship but only one person can be blamed for being unfaithful – the cheating partner. So when it comes down to it, you should never blame yourself for the affair. Regardless of the reason – boredom, addiction, not getting enough attention at home. Because at the end of the day, it is ultimately the cheat’s decision to go behind your back.