The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 26-Oct. 2)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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I love when I post a story of my cat and like 70 people reply “that looks like my cat!” Like yeah babe it’s a cat. There are like 4 flavors
— raina (@quakerraina) September 29, 2020
Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020
Yay I love sundays! I love feeling weird all day for no reason!
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) September 27, 2020
wow i just cant take this anymore *continues to take it*
— 333 (@ih8threat) September 27, 2020
The pope, psyching himself in the mirror every morning: OK, Frankie, just remember, it’s a VatiCAN not a VatiCAN’T
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 28, 2020
a relationship should be 50/50. he gets fries for himself and I eat half of them
— jasmine rice (@jasminericegirl) September 26, 2020
yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. all comes down to who’s the faster cyclist
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) October 1, 2020
what if we pronounced aristotle like chipotle
— murdeezy (@spicycasserole) September 26, 2020
American Horror Story: America
— Raquel Willis (@RaquelWillis_) September 30, 2020
Not fasting this year because I feel like God is the one who needs to atone
— Rachel Bloom (@Racheldoesstuff) September 28, 2020
does this look like a pig with rollers in its hair or have I finally lost it pic.twitter.com/txxhSFyGRD
— 𝖏𝖆𝖉𝖊 (@jxdeholly) September 26, 2020
Who needs insomnia Twitter when you live in Baltimore and there is a man on the street at 1:30 AM yelling “Trump got it!” .
— Danielle Evans (@daniellevalore) October 2, 2020
“Gorgeous night for a walk” -me moving from couch to chair
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 29, 2020
Lifetime have I got a movie for you! It's about a woman who HATES CHRISTMAS, but she has to pretend to like it because of her husband's job, but then one day she meets a beautiful little immigrant child who has been separated from their parents, and says "Give me a fucking break"
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 2, 2020
I slept so hard my neck and shoulder muscles are sore. Can I count this as a work out?
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) September 28, 2020
Poor Canada. We are such shitty downstairs neighbors
— Christi Lukasiak (@ChristiLukasiak) October 1, 2020
Take me down to the Xanax City where the grass is green and the -- oh, this grass is nice. I mean, this is quality grass. Let's lie down for a while and stare at the sky.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 28, 2020
I don’t get it when I see skinny people running..... aren’t you done???
— J*ckie (@jackies_backie) September 27, 2020
DEBATE DRINKING GAME: Drink every time all the time
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 30, 2020
The two types of friends when someone insults you:
Type 1: Aw, that sucks. I’m sorry. Wanna talk about it?
Type 2: They said WHAT? What’s their name? Nvm I found their social media. Lol they got nerve with their RAT ASS DOG ASS UGLY ASS FACE AND THEIR MESSY ASS DUMB ASS OLD ASS— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 29, 2020
Related...
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 5-11)
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 12-18)
The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 19-25)
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.