The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Looking forward to everyone's slutty Steve Bannon Halloween costumes.— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 11, 2017
Just filed a piece called "So You've Been Caught Jerking Off" & so far 2 coworkers have said seeing that in their inbox caused them panic— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) September 12, 2017
My tub is so white it's requesting Despacito.— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) September 12, 2017
If a friendship outlasts my HBO free trial then I know it's real— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) September 13, 2017
men are trash but I still need one to pay attention to me at all times— farwz (@farwzz) September 11, 2017
the world would be a lot better if it had an editor— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) September 13, 2017
U ever about to go so hard on some food you need a hair tie— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 13, 2017
Public transit: nature's immunity booster— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 13, 2017
Waiting for the beauty industry to invent the Jem earring, that allows you to remove your makeup, wig, and clothes instantly. pic.twitter.com/FeAqabtmXT— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 13, 2017
Pumpkin seeds are a nice, wholesome snack that you can throw onto anything: salads, spreads, oatmeal, soup, the floor— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 12, 2017
*googles treatment for stress*— Erica (@SCbchbum) September 14, 2017
most popular answer: eliminate stress
me: oh good. thanks.
The Samsung Phones vs. iPhones debate is the new East Coast-West Coast beef.— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) September 13, 2017
My 11 pound female cat just alpha-ed a 70 pound male pit bull off my couch with a single growl because she is my fucking daughter.— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 12, 2017
can't wait for the iPhone 12 to come out so I can afford the iPhone X— Ziwe (@ziwe) September 12, 2017
A free tourist activity is to go to the Financial District during lunch rush, walk up to any guy in a suit, and say "I know about Katie."— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) September 14, 2017
Relative: You didn't register anywhere for your wedding, what do you wa-— Cara Warnar (@careworn) September 13, 2017
I wish there were a specific ring you could wear that meant "I'm not married but I don't want men to talk to me"— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 14, 2017
i miss the days when i only knew about how Ted Cruz liked to filibust— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 12, 2017
A toddler is crying "it's not fair" while eating a cookie and I've never been so represented in my life— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) September 10, 2017
Me: *drunk on hammock*— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) September 10, 2017
Me: This boat ride is super fun.
- This article originally appeared on HuffPost.