1. This guy is looking for a servant, basically. But don't worry, he provides a "weekly allowance." 2. This guy was trying to find a wife he could starve. Also, EIGHT KIDS??!? 3. This guy hated therapy, LGBTQ people, BLM, and college-educated women...sounds like an ideal partner! (Sarcasm, obviously). 4. He wants people who aren't judgmental and don't make him feel like crap after basically listing all the ways he's judgmental along with things he'll make you feel like crap for doing. If you can't read the above, it says:
"Please read! Stop looking for a reason to hate me. I'm looking for a girl with no relationships. All disrespect is going to be ignored. Hi, I am a 18 year old guy from the United States. I'm looking for a girlfriend who is into anime, preferences: agnostic, drug free, not depressed, positive attitude, friendly outgoing personality, trustworthy, honest, compassionate, etc. You get the gist. I do not like the words "hru", "wdym", "wbu" and "what". I think it sounds incredibly stupid and it's basic. Do not say them around me or you get blocked. In fact if you say them at all don't bother wasting my time. **If you take medication or do therapy stay far away from me** YOU HAVE TO CHOICE CHAT. NO GHOSTING. ONLY MESSAGE FOR RELATIONSHIP. Provide a Skype username / invite link or I'm not going to reply to you. With that all out of the way, it makes things a lot easier. If you cannot prove that you're not a troll and what your intent in messaging me is then you will probably not receive a reply. I do not owe you anything or have to prove anything. If you make me feel like crap or have any problem with my character you will be reported. I am looking for something real, to live with someone and build a life with. I will also block you in three minutes if you ghost, if you're impatient or pity(?) I also block you. It's your work to put in to earn my trust, I'll be evaluating whoever messages me and if you act disgustingly judgmental or grift it will be ignored. Remember, READ."
u/AirsoftGunsKilledMe / Via reddit.com 5. This person had IQ requirements for their "female companion" (barf). 6. This woman said she was "not picky at all" and then had, like, two pages of requirements. 7. Funny that she wrote "BYE" so many times in this profile because that's exactly what I'd like to say to her. If you can't read this, it says:
"I'll just get to the point. Don't approach me with hey, hi, what's up, what it do, etc. Be original or it's getting deleted. Don't waste my time if you just want sex 'cause you probably can't even satisfy me. I'm not looking for anything serious as of now but am willing to work towards something i I feel it can prosper. I am a Queen adn should be treated as so. If you aren't the spoiling loving you're my world romantic time bye. I love to laugh and do fun things. I also love getting dolled up and going places just as much as being bare face and staying home. I've lost my patience for bullshit and quite frankly I'm tired of wasting my time. You have .03 chances. Sorry. Not really. I have my own car etc. and a good job. If you don't have your own things bye. I'm not babysitting and I damn sure am not taking care of you. I love to each which means yes I can cook. I speak some Spanish and catching up on my French. Sapiosexual. Ugh favorite color's blue. Birthday cake ice cream is my fav. I switch moods like my clothes lol. Mhm.
-If you're younger than me BYE
-NO car or job BYE
-cannot speak in coherent sentences that actually sound intellectual BYE
-under 8" BYE
-shorter than 5'8" BYE
-can't take a joke BYE
-can't cook BYE
-Don't like feet BYE
-don't want to spoil me BYE
-a liar bye, about anything BYE
-Doesn't like to travel BYE
-No sense of humor BYE
-must like animals I have four and I am one?? BYE
-can't bring anything beneficial to the relationship BYYEEE!!!
If you read this thank you. If you skimmed through it then that means you're lazy and probably are in bed so bye."
u/AnneFranksErection / Via reddit.com 8. This woman wanted you to pay for her SHEIN haul for the date. 9. This person was LOOKING for someone to be "obsessive" even after getting blocked...which is just so toxic. 10. This man was just extremely offensive. 11. And this guy was racist and clearly fetishized Asian women. 12. What does this guy have against Kurt Cobain? 13. And what does this woman have against flip flops? 14. This guy literally turned messaging him into a math equation. 15. Pretty bold of this guy to request women with game when he clearly has none. 16. This woman had a whole "husband checklist"...that included being involved in "illegal activities." 17. This man wanted a woman who was available at ALL times, and yet also has a job that pays over $70K. 18. Most of the people who are against those addressing their mental health seem like they would 100% benefit from seriously addressing their own mental health. 19. This guy sounds nice!!! 20. This woman thought men under six feet are "not real men." 21. This person was looking for someone financially secure because they themselves have actively blown all their money. 22. This guy admitted to running "social experiments" on strangers, then said you'd be paranoid to think he's messing with you. Story continues 23. I'm not sure anyone has "won" anything by making it through this profile, except maybe proving their heightened ability to deal with bullshit. 24. This guy really gave percentages for his (nonexistent) GF's "attire." 25. Yeah, you sure sound like a nice guy. 26. Ah yes, the classic disgusting 50-year-old who wants a woman aged 18–30. 27. At least she got all of her red flags out of the way quickly. 28. This person was "desperate" but also ridiculously picky. 29. If your list of "requirements" is 25 points long, you may need to reconsider your life choices. 30. What are YOU bringing to the relationship, dude? 31. "Wears fun, sexy, offbeat outfits" is one of the more cringe things I've seen on these lists. 32. This person sounds like a real charmer. 33. I'm really scratching my head at the "has never been out of the country" one. Like...why? 34. This woman was being TOTALLY reasonable. 35. I wonder why this woman is single? If you can't read the above text, it says:
"UNAPOLOGETICALLY, my 'list' for men is:
1. Must have completed and graduated with a Bachelor's degree or higher AT LEAST 1 year ago. I just ghosted a man after finding out he graduated December with his Master's degree.
2. Must make $100,000 or more, either with a job or via a business. No exceptions.
3. Must be 6'1 or taller. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4. If there is an age gap, it must be no greater than 5 years. NO EXCEPTIONS.
5. He must have A COMPLETELY INTACT HAIRLINE, AND ALL OF HIS TEETH. NO EXCEPTIONS.
6. He must workout regularly and have a visible 6-pack. I WILL NOT DATE FAT GUYS
7. He must be free of drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. NO EXCEPTIONS.
8. He must be childless at the time of matching. NO EXCEPTIONS.
9. He must have NEVER EVER PARTICIPATED IN THE ARMED FORCES OR THE RELATED FIELDS. I swipe left on ALL veterans. I ghost, block, and delete any man I match with, that later reveals that he has served in the armed at any capacity. Same applies for cops, firefighters, EMTs, Guards, or the related professions. Same for the relevant departments (DOD, FBI, CIA, DHS, DOS, etc. etc.). THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS. If he served for even ONE MINUTE, he's ghosted.
10. He must NOT have access to firearms or weapons. I see a gun in his profile, I swipe left. If we matched and he later reveals that he hunts or shoots for sport, I BLOCK, IGNORE, GHOST, AND DELETE HIM. NO EXCEPTIONS
11. No misogynistic men, men who use incel language in their profiles, or low-effort profiles.
12. He must be within 15 miles of where I live, or there is no deal. I'm not waiting more than 10 minutes for a man to pick me up. SOME EXCEPTIONS.
13. He must NOT be religious. I'm not giving up my sundays or eating any weird shit, or sacrificing anything to any god, or travelling on a pilgrimage anywhere, or doing any weird ritualistic shit, ever. NO EXCEPTIONS.
14. He must be handsome. NO EXCEPTIONS.
15. He must match my lifestyle of hedonism, luxury, impulsive spending, and excessive pleasure-seeking behaviors. I WILL NOT BE TAMED, SHAMED, OR CHANGED. If he cannot keep up with my expensive, fuck you-lifestyle, he can go fuck the other rejects in the ghostyard BECAUSE HE'S GETTING BLOCKED, GHOSTED, IGNORED, AND DELETED. I will NOT be made to feel like my success, accomplishments, privileged lifestyle, and tastes are something to be ashamed of."
u/beerbellybegone / Via reddit.com 36. This guy should just DM Melania at this point (though I doubt she cooks, cleans, and does all the house chores). 37. Why do some people use dating profiles to complain about being single or announce they'll be single forever? This isn't your personal blog. 38. This woman really wasn't asking too much. 39. I'm starting to understand why this person has never had a Valentine. 40. This guy sent the woman he was briefly talking to a whole Google doc of his requirements, and if I were her, I'd be running for the hills. 41. I really, really hope this is just a troll. 42. And finally, this isn't even a dating profile, but a mom looking for a wife for her son, and if that isn't a red flag enough, just check out her requirements.