This Is What 'Real Housewives of New York' Star LuAnn de Lesseps Is Really Like Off-Camera
Luann de Lesseps dropped a bomb on her Real Housewives of New York co-stars last season when she announced her engagement to businessman Tom D'Agostino. The news rankled fellow Housewives, two of whom, Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan, claimed to have dated D'Agostino (specifically, Morgan used the term "lovers.") Further drama ensued when RHONY costar Bethenny Frankel revealed that she'd seen a photo of D'Agostino kissing another woman. Countess Luann ultimately dismissed her fiancé's behavior as a one-time thing and the couple moved forward with their wedding plans, though Luann found herself constantly defending their relationship from the other Housewives' criticism and gossip. When they wed on New Year's Eve, also the groom's 50th birthday, the only Housewife invited was Dorinda Medley. Season 9, filmed last fall and currently airing on Bravo, centers around the tension and hurt feelings that arose from the perceived slight of not being invited to the nuptials.
Here, we talk with Luann D'Agostino about the nature of female friendships, why RHONY viewers love the drama, and whether or not she's actually friends with her costars. (The conversation was lightly edited for clarity and length.)
The other Housewives are unsupportive of your relationship. Why do you think female friends sometimes try to sabotage each other?
I think you know who your friends are, and your real friends stand by you and respect your decision and are supportive. I think a lot of women are truly unhappy and instead of wishing happiness on their friends they kind of put their unhappiness on you. You have to really dig deep in yourself to say, That's not right, I need to be happy for my friend. Only then can you find that kind of happiness for yourself. Because it's not a good look.
Why do you think viewers like watching other women fight and gossip about each other?
It's a natural thing. It's like when you stop to see a car accident on the side of the road, you know what I mean? It's curiosity. [On the show] we're just like everybody else. We bicker, we have fights with our friends. We have the same issues that everybody has, so it's kind of nice to see that you're not alone. You can identify with it and go, oh my gosh, that happened to me, or I have a girlfriend like that, or, I can't believe she said that. It's part of our human nature. If it were a big love fest I don't know that people would love it as much.
"When we see each other outside of the show, it's like your cousin you haven't seen in a while. It's funny but they're like family."
You don't think people would like to watch a big love fest?
Well, really both. Why have one thing on the menu when you can have two? There's a lot of drama, of course, on the show because we're a lot of big personalities. There's drama and then there are moments where we do have a lot of fun together. I grew up with six brothers and sisters and you learn to manage all of these people. Some are better at it than others. I always say it's my discombobulated Housewives family. When we see each other outside of the show, it's like your cousin you haven't seen in a while. It's funny, it's a weird thing, but they're like family.
Do you actually see each other outside of the show?
Sure, of course. That's why the show works, because we're actually in the same social circles. I've known Tinsley [Mortimer] since the '90s, you know, not really well, but I'd seen her before at parties. Maybe it's hard for someone who's not in our social circle to break into the show. As you've seen, Housewives come and go. That's what makes the show so great-we do actually have old, deep friendships from years [back].
What are you most afraid to see play out in the current season? What do you think will most shock audiences?
Well, really, I don't live in fear mode. I always brace myself and go, how is that going to turn out? Bravo didn't come to do the wedding, but I'm sharing video [from the] wedding...I'm looking forward to that, for people to actually get to see the wedding, because I don't think that they think they're going to get to see the wedding on the show. I wanted [the wedding] to be intimate and personal, just family and friends, and I didn't want to have the cameras there so I agreed to give footage to Bravo. I felt like I was cheating the fans if I didn't give them a part of such a magical moment for me.
"I happened to marry a French aristocrat but I had worked since I was 16 years old, babysitting and washing dishes in rest home."
Speaking of fans, viewers must think they have a good idea of who you are. What's the side of you we don't get to see on the show?
You know, I love people. I love to have fun. I'm an approachable person. Like I said, I have a big family and I'm very close to them. I don't bring them on the show because that's my life and they have different lives. A lot of people don't know that I'm a nurse as well. I think people think, oh, the Countess, and they have these preconceived notions that I'm this stuck-up countess-it's so not true.
Being a nurse is not a glamorous occupation.
No, it's not, and I was a geriatric nurse. Did you ever see the special that Bravo did on my life, [Before LuAnn de Lesseps Was a Housewife]? You should. I grew up in a middle-class family as one of seven children. I happened to marry a French aristocrat but I had worked since I was 16 years old, babysitting and washing dishes in rest home. I became a nurse because I fell in love with elderly. Then I became a model, moved to Italy, and worked for Italian television. I have a whole past. And also, I'm a mother. I'm busy being a mother to my children, even though they're grown, children always need you. And I have a business. A lot of people think I don't work, well, I do. I had a apparel line, and I have a bedding line that's coming out this fall-a hopeless romantic collection for brides. I'm having a great time with it. I'm busy being a mom, being a wife, and being a businesswoman. There's a lot more to me than meets the eye.
The way the show is edited must play a role in others' perceptions of you.
That too. The hardest thing is giving over control [to the editors]. Can you imagine if there were seven women in the [editing] room? We're the talent and they know how to make it into a great TV show.
Maria, unfortunately I've got to run, I'm with Tom, we're in Napa and we're going on a wine tasting tour.
Okay, thank you for your time.
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