'Bachelor' couple Jade and Tanner schedule sex. Is that a good idea?

Kerry Justich
·3-min read
Tanner Tolbert and Jade Roper put intimacy on the calendar while raising three children. (Photo: Getty Images)
Tanner Tolbert and Jade Roper put intimacy on the calendar while raising three children. (Photo: Getty Images)

Jade Roper is getting candid about her sex life with husband Tanner Tolbert, saying that they've started to "schedule" intimacy while raising their three children.

The Bachelor alum shared the details of how she and Tolbert are taking time for themselves while answering questions on Instagram. "Schedule sexy time?" one follower wrote in. Roper replied, "Honest answer, yup."

Roper shared that she and Tolbert schedule sex. (Photo: Instagram)
Roper shared that she and Tolbert schedule sex. (Photo: Instagram)

"With three tiny kids with three routines, we schedule right now (with openness to flexibility on it)," she continued. "But it's really the only way we can make it a priority right now, and even if it's weird at first cuz it kind of is, it's not once you get [into it]."

The 34-year-old added, "Sorry for the TMI, but hopefully a lot of you can relate to this!"

According to Rachel Sussman, a New York-based relationship expert and therapist, scheduling sex is a normal thing that should be more widely talked about. "It’s a completely valid way to have sex. And it actually really works," she told Yahoo Life.

"When you're first dating, nature’s around and there’s lots and lots of sexual chemicals and pheromones and everything else and it’s just very natural the way that sex happens," Sussman explained. "Couples always seem to find time then."

Once people have been in a relationship for a longer time and life gets busy, Sussman said that it's common for sex to become less spontaneous – even more so after having children.

"I think when couples are looking to just have their sex drive lead the way, it just doesn’t always work that way," she said. "One person’s tired or everyone’s tired, it’s just really hard."

Being tired is something that Roper — a mother to 3-month-old Reed, 18-month-old Brooks and 3-year-old Emerson — has talked openly about. Most recently, she shared a teary-eyed photo of herself in bed where she wrote, "I don't want to mom today."

"Eleven weeks of no sleep," Roper wrote. "I’ve become more resilient this time around to letting the little expectations go, but the sleep deprivation during the newborn stage is brutal and I’ve hit my wall."

While Roper admitted that "these emotions spill out," Sussman explained that many couples go experience these same feelings without seeking solutions. Ultimately, it impacts their relationship and intimacy. "You’ll see these couples go on for months and sometimes more even without having sex," she said, "That’s usually when I get called in and sometimes it’s just the simplest solution saying, 'Have you guys ever scheduled sex?'"

The expert even shares her tips for couples doing so. "You don’t just set your alarm and both show up. You've got to prime the pump a little bit. If you have a calendar for a sex date, send some playful texts, set an alarm on your own phone to get yourself in the mood, put yourself in that headspace. Maybe get home a little earlier. If it’s after the kids go to bed, open a bottle of wine, take a bath, light some candles," she shaed. "So even though it’s scheduled, doesn’t mean you can’t set a mood."

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