What are the best poems about football?
“Are there many good poems about football?” wrote M Stapleton last week. “I’ve read a few anthologies and collections but very few stand out, aside from Paul Durcan’s World Cup ‘82.”
Related: Have any songs been written about specific football matches? | The Knowledge
Where to start but with former Labour leader Michael Foot? Going from Merseyside shipping clerk to leader of the opposition is certainly a road less travelled, but Foot (himself a Plymouth Argyle fan) did just that, and in January 1935 was lucky enough to be present for one of the greatest games ever staged at Goodison: an FA Cup fourth-round replay against Sunderland the home side won 6-4 after extra time. The experience moved him so much that he wrote a poem about it – “Ode to Everton” – and sent it into the Liverpool Daily Post. Feast your eyes on this:
When at Thy call my weary feet I turn
The gates of paradise are opened wide
At Goodison I know a man can learn
Rapture more rich than Anfield can provide.
In Coulter’s skill and Geldard’s subtle speed
I see displayed in all its matchless bounty
The power of which the heavens decreed
The fall of Sunderland and Derby County.
The hands of Sagar, Dixie’s priceless head
Made smooth the path to Wembley till that day
When Bolton came. Now hopes are fled
And all is sunk in bottomless dismay.
And so I watch with heart and temper cool
God’s lesser breed of men at Liverpool.
Dick Bird nominates “Pass the Ball Jim (for John Peel)” by Ivor Cutler. “It is a poem about football. Whether it is a good poem or not really depends on whether or not you like Ivor Cutler.”
Ben Wilkinson digs further: “I can happily report many modern poets have written on the beautiful (and not so beautiful) game. I’d recommend checking out Don Paterson’s ‘Nil Nil’, about the ignominious and tragicomic decline of a fictional Scottish football side; poet laureate Simon Armitage’s brilliantly titled ‘Goalkeeper with a Cigarette’; Sarah Wardle’s collection Score! (2005), centred around her time as poet-in-residence at Spurs; and Neil Rollinson’s ‘The Penalty’. My own debut collection, Way More Than Luck, contains a series of poems exploring the legends and myths of Liverpool FC.” Dave Kirby has also written many poems about Liverpool, and once lamented the gentrification of football in this poem called Jester’s Hats.
Away from these shores, Jordi Gomez points us towards ‘Ode to Plattkó’, in which the famous Spanish poet Rafael Alberti immortalises a Barcelona goalkeeper who played on after being knocked out in the 1928 Cup final, where Alberti was watching on from the terraces.
To end things on a glamorous note, Simon Brown puts forward the Nottingham poet Rory Waterman, who has wandered lonely as a cloud into the wasteland of lower-league football and emerged with the excitingly titled “Alfreton Town 0, Brackley Town 1 (89’)”:
The pitch is white where the sun’s not been seen
on its hill-cresting flight. The tea queue is long
and shrouded in breath, as men in fat coats
grunt at each other, though the game’s going on –
but I’m on the terrace, with 64 others,
where a bloke in a tank-top and built like a tank
turns to the dug-outs and breaks the near-silence:
‘Cheynge it up, Billeh boy – we’re fukkin’ wank!’
Then he faces the game again, squinting upfield
as one of their wingers slaps a long cross
out for a throw-in. ‘C’mon lads!’ he bellows,
rub-rubbing his hands.
So, this loss is his loss,
and also his triumph. He boos at the whistle,
says ‘See yer’ to others, and runs for a piss,
and doesn’t drive home, cross a ground off his list,
and know he was no-one. No. He lives for this.
More songs about games!
Further to last week’s discussion of songs inspired by specific games …
MA Kersley pumps up the volume on Coup de Boule by Sébastien and Emmanuel Lipszyc. “It’s about the 2006 World Cup final, with the truly magnifique translated chorus: ‘Zidane hit it, Zidane beat it, headbutt!’”
Andy Linehan recommends two songs: “The Real Sounds of Africa’s 13-minute track Tornados v Dynamos (3-3) – it details the game in the title and includes commentary on the goals (plus the arrival of the President of Zimbabwe to watch the game). And to my mind the best ever football record, Pam Pam Cameroon by Macka B, includes references to Maradona and Roger Milla and the refrain ‘against the Cameroon England were lucky, lucky!’”
Knowledge archive
“On 21 April, it was possible that, at the Sunderland v Burton match, both sides could kick off with a mathematical chance of survival but, by full time, each could be relegated. Have there been any examples of two ‘unrelegated teams’ playing each other and both going down at full time?” posed Mark Stephenson in April 2018.
Christopher Vaughan got the ball rolling with an example from back when Manchester City were a comedic shambles instead of today’s Pep-fuelled turbo-elite Premier League champions. “On the last day of the 1997-98 season, Manchester City beat Stoke City 5-2 to condemn them to the third flight. Results elsewhere, however, meant a win was not enough for the Laser Blues (as they were known at the time, to promote their kit deal with Kappa) and they joined the Potters in what was then Division Two. The away fans serenaded the Stoke faithful with: “Going down, going down, going down … so are we, so are we, so are weeee-eeee!”
And Ben Lander took us to the Madejski Stadium on 28 April 2013 when two teams, who both needed to win to stay up, set about doing absolutely nothing to help their cause. “Reading and QPR started their Premier League fixture knowing mathematically they were able to survive. Both needed a win, a draw would send both down. It finished 0-0.” Whoops.
Can you help?
“Has there been a team who has been in every position in the table over the course of a single season?” asks David Esp.
Dear @TheKnowledge_GU . Back in the glory days when football was new, Sky used to give their man of the match a bottle of bubbly. Did it ever go to a youngster under 18? If so, did they have to leave it with the other interviewee from the club? Ben J, S London
— Ben Jones (@unholysmoke) July 4, 2020
“During Crystal Palace v Burnley, Ally McCoist and Jon Champion referred to Roy Hodgson’s age as the oldest-ever Premier League manager and second-oldest in football league history,” says Mark Stephenson. “Given he started managing Halmstad at 29, surely the length of his career must be close to a world record? Can anyone beat a 44-year managerial career?”
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (23) was replaced by Ainsley Maitland-Niles (20) in the Arsenal v Leicester game. That’s a combined letter count of 43 for this substitution. Has there ever been more?
— Conor McQuaile (@Mc_Quaile) July 7, 2020
Eddy from Oxfordshire asks: “Following Diego Costa’s near-heroics against Barcelona on 30 June, has any player actually achieved the magnificent hat-trick of a missed penalty, an own goal and a red card?”
@TheKnowledge_GU With 3 goals scored after only 5 minutes 45 seconds of the Fleetwood v Wycombe play-off first leg tonight, does anyone know of any instances of 3 goals being scored in quicker time at the start of a legitimate match (not counting the famous 149-0 game in 2002)?
— Daniel Stevanato (@Stevros1988) July 3, 2020
“The Derby County website says our record league defeat ever is 8-0 against Blackburn Rovers on 3 January 1891, and our record league win ever is 9-0 against Wolves which was on 10 January 1891,” says Rams fan. “So a plus-17 goal difference from one match to the next. Can anyone better that?”
The 2011 Kirin Cup ended with ZERO goals with the three teams sharing the trophy - Japan, Czech Republic and Peru. Has this ever happened in a competition before with three or more teams?? Also, I doubt the 2011 Kirin Cup is available on DVD...🙄!!
— Wilhelm_irl (@wilhelm_irl) July 7, 2020
Sergio Ramos has now scored 22 penalties in a row. Is this a record?
— Matt Prior (@ConceptCzech) July 7, 2020
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