The dangers of being horny in Singapore

In "The FlipSide", local blogger Belmont Lay lets loose on local politics, culture and society. To be taken with a pinch of salt and with parental permission advised. In this post, he talks about the dangers horny men face in Singapore.

Every time Singapore is engulfed by a sex scandal, everyone wants to find out the important details pertaining to the case.

What does she look like? How tall is she? Does she wear glasses? Does she wear her hair long or short?

It is critical to know all these facts because it allows readers to get to the bottom of the case.

For example, if the woman in question is attractive, she must be loose.

If she looks like a truck, then it must be that the men are desperate.

And if the men look ugly, they must be rich.

And if the men are good-looking, well... that never happens.

But there is no denying one thing: it is extremely trying to be a horny man in Singapore.

Risk arrest

First and foremost, although virile men have needs, it is never advisable to buy sex due to many unknown downsides.

You run the risk of catching something that will not go away and can lead to an untimely death.

Or, you run the risk of getting caught by the police.

Ask ex- school principal Lee Lip Hong. He could have taken all the precautions in the world, but was, nevertheless, arrested and jailed for unknowingly buying sex from an underaged prostitute.

Try the great outdoors

Next, men with urges must have a tolerance for the great outdoors and exhibitionism.

As Singapore is land-scarce, there is no such thing as a safe haven in the outskirts or a suburban house to partake in debauchery away from the maddening crowd.

Neither can you just check yourself into a high-end hotel without bumping into some associates in the lobby who are wining and dining.

And you can't book a room at a budget hotel because you might bump into other associates who are not there wining and dining, and both sides will have a lot of explaining to do while looking sheepish.

So, if you're ever reduced to having a go at fellatio in a stationary vehicle in a deserted car park, like what ex-SCDF commissioner Peter Lim allegedly did, it must mean three things: A) you must be rich enough B) or else you wouldn't be able to afford a car big enough to allow the body contortions that takes place C) therefore, you have a lot to lose if you get caught, even if it was for being a public nuisance.

Procreation poser

Procuring illicit sex aside, men who cannot control their urges within the confines of marriage also face serious problems too: namely, having children.

Approximately 20 years ago, it cost about an arm to raise a kid.

Today, it costs an arm and a leg. And at the expense of two family holidays a year.

Which means that more time has to be spent at work by the parents to bring home enough dough to raise the children.

This would result in the entire house and all of its contents being entrusted to a foreign domestic helper while the parents are out slogging.

Which is not an ideal situation considering this defeats the sole purpose of raising children in the first place. And this could explain why Singaporeans are shying away from having any.

But since the Total Fertility Rate is abysmally low, it could just mean that Singaporeans -- well, most of us anyway -- are simply not getting enough action.

Which explains why we' re always interested to find out who other people are doing and what they look like.

Belmont Lay is one of the editors of New Nation, an online publication that is the least credible source of news.