Carlo Ancelotti's eyebrow arching towards the heavens
EVERTON, THAT …
The Arco da Rua Augusta in Lisbon, Munich’s Siegestor, the Roosevelt Arch in Montana and the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs Élysées in Paris are among the world’s best known arches. But when it comes to perfectly curved symmetry, none could hold a candle to the famous left eyebrow of Carlo Ancelotti as it headed towards the heavens while its owner watched Everton surrender a two-goal lead to Newcastle in the fourth and fifth minutes of added time at Goodison Park on Tuesday night.
With England’s and Everton’s No 1, Jordan Pickford, generously providing the assists, Florian Lejeune scored two goals in little more than a minute, the first occasions he had troubled a scoreboard operator in 59 games. It was Newcastle’s second smash and grab in as many games and perhaps the only person who looked more shocked than Ancelotti was his opposite number, who remains unpopular with the kind of Newcastle fans who constantly claim that they’re not entitled, despite doing a pretty good job in extremely trying circumstances.
Related: Newcastle’s Florian Lejeune strikes twice to grab dramatic draw at Everton
“When we scored Mike Dean said there are 40 seconds left – and you’re thinking: ‘Can we score in 40 seconds?’” cooed Bernard Cribbins, whose team’s task was made easier by Pickford’s decision to stand a couple of feet behind his own goalline before clutching Lejeune’s last-ditch effort to his stomach. “There is a good spirit and attitude in this team – we looked tired but we played people out of position. We didn’t have much coming off the bench in terms of forward players but the attitude was fantastic.”
In a desperate effort to draw some positives from his team’s capitulation, Ancelotti pointed out that they had, in fact, played very well for the opening 93 minutes of an extremely one-sided contest, although his observation is unlikely to pacify the kind of angry Everton fans who recently converged on the club’s training ground seeking a showdown with players. Forced to make do with director of football, Marcel Brands, these “ultras” are rumoured to have identified several high-earning senior players – hello Theo, Morgan and Gylfi! – who they feel are not pulling their weight for the cause. With their team 2-0 up with a couple of minutes to go against Newcastle, any of these malcontents who left early to beat the traffic will have felt their intimidatory tactics were not in vain.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We’re a serious club, we’re not a nightclub … without limitations, we’re going to compete and I’m sure that we’ll bring a war. A football war” – UD Ibiza boss Pablo Alfaro is in no mood for a party as he encourages his third-tier troops to get their Balearic battle-fever on and give Barcelona a doing in the Copa del Rey later.
FIVER LETTERS
“In a fit of poor judgment, I took an interest in the definition of ‘filbert’, as used in yesterday’s Fiver. The briefest of internet searches revealed that it is actually not an archaic word, but rather one for a separate species of hazelnut noted for its elongated form. My study was too-obviously concluded with the realisation that: a) much like The Fiver, filberts represent an uninteresting study; and b) The Fiver has once again engaged in shoddy, half-@rsed journalism. I blame only myself” – Matt Richman.
“Your praise of squirrels was welcome, but may I be the 1,057th person to point out that they don’t hibernate (not the tree-dwelling ones, anyway). They do sleep a lot at this time of the year, though. This one is miffed at your suggestion” – Peter Storch (and 1,056 others).
“What? The ‘spirit, fight and leadership’ of 10-man Arsenal’? Disgraceful. If you can’t stand up for the traditional Arsenal values of playing better football than the opposition but then collapsing like a flan (particularly when 4-0 up, when Big Paper rather weirdly used to get verdicts and player ratings from fans) then I don’t know what it’s coming to. I’m eagerly awaiting the ‘We want our Arsenal back’ chants to return” – Noble Francis.
“Much as I’d like to make Ed Taylor’s day by being the more talented David Madden (Fiver letters passim), the closest I ever got to playing at Selhurst Park was performing badly at right back on Monday night seven-a-side at Dulwich Hamlet’s woeful astroturf pitches. Sorry” – David Madden.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day is … Noble Francis, who wins a copy of Death is a Laff Riot, by Fiver reader Robi Polgar.
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Barnsley have suspended Bambo Diaby after receiving notification that the FA is investigating a potential anti-doping violation by the defender.
Aston Villa Women have appointed Big Website’s Eni Aluko as their sporting director. “I’ve always been passionate about the women’s game, its development and setting cultures that drive excellence,” she said.
North-west vibes man Marcus Rashford is rattling out optimistic chatter like no one’s business. Not only does he think he’ll be back from back-knack before the season is over, but he also believes Manchester United can qualify for Big Cup.
Pep Guardiola is still drooling over the returning Aymeric Laporte’s performance in Manchester City’s 1-0 win over Sheffield United. “For me he’s the best left-central defender in the world,” parped Pep, conveniently ignoring Jack O’Connell.
Edinson Cavani will snub a move to Frank Lampard’s Chelsea for a chance to impress serial stones-based gesticulator Diego Simeone at Atlético, if PSG ever let him leave.
Ballymena United did “an Everton” by conceding two goals in 85 knack-time seconds and gift the County Antrim Shield to Cliftonville in the final at Windsor Park. “That is as cruel a night as I have experienced,” sobbed Ballymena boss David Jeffrey.
And in what is definitely not a publicity stunt that we’ve ended up participating in, third-tier Egyptian club 6 October have signed 74-year-old Eez Eldin Bahder and invited the Guinness Book of Records to come and watch him play in a league game. Presumably because he’s obviously going to be a box-to-box midfield menace.
STILL WANT MORE?
Managers sacked when they were top of the league: it’s this week’s Knowledge.
Is no David Luiz a more effective defensive tool than David Luiz? Barney Ronay gets philosophical.
With no league goals in 2020, Spurs need a striker … and quick, writes Ben McAleer.
Check out the latest European deals on our transfer window interactive.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
