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Ceritalah: Let’s not be afraid of telling our stories of depression

Erna Mahyuni
Erna Mahyuni

SEPTEMBER 4 — As much as social media gets derided these days, I’m thankful it exists.

I have certainly leveraged it career-wise but what makes social media for me are the people.

If you know where to look, behind every nook and cranny of the Internet is a story to break your heart.

Twitter really is a lot like the birds it draws inspiration from. While birds sing to declare, “Hello, I am here” people tweet their long days, what they had for lunch and how bad the traffic is on the Federal Highway.

Facebook is a place for longer stories and one particular story was on my mind as I wrote this column.

A man started off his Facebook status with the simple “Aku nak cerita tentang isteri aku” (I’d like to tell you about my wife).

Now an introduction like that could be the precursor to anything — nasty break-up stories, custody battles or just sweet anecdotes.

This tale instead was about his watching as his wife dealt with depression. It was a vivid recounting of how she was diagnosed, starting from when the doctor asked her if she felt suicidal.

Dan isteri aku cakap: ‘Ya, rasa dah tak mahu hidup’.” (And my wife said, yes I don’t want to live.)

It was a long tale — he talked about how it affected their home life, the treatment regime, the hopes and fears he had for his children.

The story was also brave. In this age, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding depression. I would know, having experienced it firsthand.

Yet the man pleaded that whoever read what he wrote, to share it, to spread it, so that everyone would know what depression truly is.

Pandangan orang luar? Apa yang mereka tahu? Aku korbankan itu semua. Kerana apa yang penting aku sebagai suami kena bertanggungjawab untuk memulihkan isteri aku.” (What outsiders think? What would they know? I let all that go. Because what matters is that as a husband it’s my responsibility to help my wife heal)

You can read the note here.

Not all depression stories are as long or as deeply personal.

Sometimes they are short tweets.

“I’m running out of meds soon.”

“Can’t sleep. The sleeping pills don’t help, they just give me nightmares.”

“I got fired from my job when I told them I have anxiety issues.”

It’s good there are stories. I’m hopeful, because I see more of them.

What I see are people finding an outlet and a way to tell their stories, even if they’re in snippets.

There’s a penchant for some people to say things like, “If you’re so depressed, why are you tweeting? It’s not helping.”

The only people saying things like that are those who don’t actually understand depression.

We make too much about our physical ailments taboo. At one workplace I was told not to state at a meeting how sickly I felt.

“They (our big bosses) don’t want to hear that.”

To make other people less uncomfortable, we are made to feel as though we need to water down our ailments as much as possible.

Yet if we don’t make it clear just how sick we are then inevitably someone will pipe up, “Maybe they’re faking it.”

There’s just no winning when it comes to getting sick — physically or mentally.

Here’s the thing about mental illness. You should be able to tell people without being judged for it. If you wouldn’t judge a person for a headache or tummy upset, then why judge them for PTSD or anxiety?

I know some people who try to be honest about their mental health struggles and find themselves turned down for jobs. That’s a shame, though, considering how many people get promoted despite sheer incompetence.

The point really is that people should feel safe sharing their struggles with mental health issues. It shouldn’t be cause for discrimination and a note to insurance companies: they shouldn’t be written off as pre-existing conditions and not be covered.

Someday, I hope that taking a mental health day becomes commonplace at work and something you won’t need to justify with a doctor’s note.

In a world where we rely on our minds instead of our bodies to do much of the heavy lifting, I think we need to start really thinking about mental health. No more stigma, no policing and easily accessible treatment for all.

Right after world peace, I’m putting that on my Christmas list.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.

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