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Chrissy Teigen is opening up about feeling "slightly down lately," which she attributes to her continued grief over the loss of her son Jack last year. Sept. 30 will mark one year since the model and cookbook author delivered her third child at just 20 weeks into her pregnancy following a partial placental abruption.
In a somewhat rambling "rollercoaster" of a message reflecting wistfully on the "more simple" life she and husband John Legend shared during their early days as a couple in New York City, Teigen admitted that her recent announcement that her new cookbook, All Together: Recipes to Love, would be published in October, triggered sadness over the pregnancy loss.
"It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out 'my third baby is here!!', as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here," Teigen, who shares daughter Luna and son Miles with Legend, wrote. "Then I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby."
Teigen, who has stopped drinking in recent months, noted that sobriety was making those feelings more acute. (Earlier in her caption, she recalls sitting at her go-to Italian restaurant Frank with "multiple double vodka sodas [to] get day drunk by myself," adding "this is not a brag lol I was basically a functioning alcoholic.")
"I don’t really feel like I fully processed Jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just… there, waiting to be acknowledged," the 35-year-old admitted. "I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f***ing complicated."
Fans and friends were quick to shower her with support, thanking her for "being real and honest."
Her message comes just over a month after Teigen got candid about the impact being in "cancel club" — as a result of her decade-old bullying messages to Courtney Stodden being made public — was having on her mental health, causing her to feel isolated, "lost" and "sick with myself."
“I don’t really know what to say here," she told fans. "Just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter s*** in real life. Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is OK.”
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