Detective Trump says he believes Putin about Russian meddling, and we have one, tiny criticism

Heather Dockray

Good news, guys! Everyone at the FBI, DOJ, NSA, DHS, and CIA was wrong — there's no way Russia interfered with our elections, according to a very definitive source, Detective Donald Trump.

On Friday, Trump reported that he had asked Putin about Russian interference in the 2016 election and that Putin had denied all allegations. That was enough for hard-nosed Detective Trump to conclude his year-long investigation into Russian interference.

We're cool now!

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Here's the president's exhaustive analysis.

"He said he didn't meddle. I asked him again. You can only ask so many times. I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election. He did not do what they are saying he did,” Trump said in a session with reporters aboard Air Force One.

According to the president, Putin's statements are backed up by "everybody." It's unclear if this "everybody" includes any American intelligence officials, but I did see some very convincing American eagle Twitter avatars who affirmed the president's groundbreaking report.

"Everybody knows there was no collusion,” Trump said. “I think it’s a shame that something like this can destroy a very important potential relationship between two countries that are very important countries Russia could really help us.”

I, for one, am convinced. He asked Putin and he denied it? Foolproof!

Not everyone on the internet quite agreed, including, uh, his own CIA, and, double uh, the Kremlin:

Move over, Miss Marple, the CIA, the FBI and basically anyone who knows anything about Russia. Detective Donald Trump is on the case.

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