First deaf 'Bachelor' contestant, Abigail Heringer, on why her disability doesn’t define her: 'It's not all of who I am'
Abigail Heringer made history and headlines as soon as she first appeared on television screens during the Jan. 2021 premiere of the 25th season of The Bachelor. But while she gained notoriety as the show's first deaf contestant, the 27-year-old explains that her disability is "not all of who I am."
The Oregon native reflects on her life with Yahoo Life, sharing that she was born "profoundly deaf" and had surgery to receive a cochlear implant when she was just two-and-a-half years old. Although the small electric device that stimulates the nerve for hearing is a vital part of her life, she realizes that not many people are familiar with what it is or how it works.
"It's not like glasses, you could just put them on and you can see right away or you put a hearing aid on and the sound's immediately better," Heringer explains. "You have to train your brain with speech therapy, sound repetition just to get used to what is that sound and kind of training your brain to develop those sounds in your head."
Heringer says that learning to live with a disability can be an "isolating experience," especially as a lot of deaf kids are born to hearing parents as she was. Fortunately, Heringer's older sister Rachel was born with the same hearing loss. Still, the two dealt with their disabilities very differently.
"She was always proud to talk about it," Heringer says of her sister. "I always was the one that never talked about my disability. I just didn't really have the confidence to talk about it."
Her reluctance to speak about her deafness ultimately impeded her ability to open up to new people. It presented a particular challenge while dating.
"It just takes one sentence to say like, ‘Hey, I'm having a great time with you. I have a cochlear implant by the way, so if I don't pick up something…'" she says. "But it's really hard to be that vulnerable when you're on a Hinge date or you're on a Bumble date. And for some reason, I've always struggled just saying it flat out. I was like, so my dating hasn't been great, let me change something about it."
Once Heringer was cast for Matt James's season of The Bachelor, she committed to sharing her truth with him at their very first meeting. "So there's something a little bit different about me and that is I'm deaf. So I’m gonna be reading your lips a lot tonight," she said while introducing herself to James during the season's premiere.
Heringer says that she had the benefit of being able to prepare her entrance and to practice exactly what she wanted to say and how she would deliver it to James. What she hadn't prepared herself for was the reaction that she'd receive from the countless viewers at home.
"It's scary obviously talking about a disability, especially one that's a hidden disability, and it’s also one that a lot of people aren't familiar with," she says. "I really didn't realize how monumental it was going to be."
She also worried that people might react in a negative way. "'Oh, she's not deaf enough to be labeled the first deaf contestant,' 'She's not using sign language,'" she thought some might say.
Instead, Heringer was quickly embraced for sharing her disability on such a large platform and realized that there was a big opportunity to educate audiences on what living with deafness really looks like. Still, her narrative was subject to the show's editing.
"The thing about the show is that was kind of the first time experiencing, 'OK, that's the deaf girl.' They only really show the conversations around my hearing loss," she explains. "It's always just been something that's a part of my life, you know, I'm deaf, I wear a cochlear implant. My disability isn't my defining trait, it's not all of who I am."
She notes that while representation is a good thing, being labeled by a disability can make it seem like "a horrible trauma" or something that she's had to suffer through. "Being deaf is not a bad thing," she explains. "You know, it is hard. But bad and hard [are] two very different things."
Now, on social media, where Heringer has 814,000 followers on Instagram alone, she's able to own her journey and share it on her own terms. "It's always been really important to me to incorporate my hearing loss into my platform and to share resources, to share information," she says.
She's also been able to give a glimpse into the many other parts of her life that were only partly represented on TV, like her relationship with fellow Bachelor Nation star Noah Erb, whom she met on the 7th season of Bachelor in Paradise.
"I want to obviously share what my relationship is like with my boyfriend, Noah, and how he supports me as a deaf person," she says. "He just makes me feel really empowered when I talk about my hearing loss. I never feel like a burden."
At the end of the day, Heringer says it's all about the "small things" that show "how normal life can be" while living with a disability. "I just love being able to share with other people as well."
– Video produced by Jacquie Cosgrove
Want lifestyle and wellness news delivered to your inbox? Sign up here for Yahoo Life’s newsletter.
