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I Got My Breast Implants Removed and Feel Better Than I Have In Years

Photo: Instagram / @diaryofafitmommy

The first time I felt self-conscious about my breasts was in 2011. I had just started on my fitness journey and had lost 45 pounds. My body changed significantly after dropping all that weight so quickly. My boobs were one of the first things to go. At the time, I was still learning what it really meant to be "healthy" and I was focused more on the way I looked versus building a sustainable lifestyle. It also didn't help that my husband at the time felt like implants would be a good idea—that they'd spice things up between us.

After doing some research, I found a plastic surgeon in the area, who recommended getting 400cc Mentor Silicone Gel Implants. These would bump me up to a 32DD. I felt like that was the answer to all my problems. I wouldn't realize until a couple years later that I was wrong.

Getting Breast Implants

Things changed for me both physically and mentally when I woke up from my surgery. For starters, I felt like there was a weight on my chest and it was a little hard to breathe. In fact, I was in pain and felt discomfort for over a month. But when I saw myself in the mirror for the first time, I immediately fell in love with my look. I felt confident. I finally felt good about myself. I remember thinking that I'd made an awesome decision and that this was going to fix everything that was wrong in my life.

It’s amazing what you can hide behind a smile. On social media, we often see other’s highlight reels, but rarely the behind the scenes look. When I was a teen, I tried to take my own life. I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I could remember. Childhood abuse, bulimia, alcoholism, bullying, divorce, and self mutilation weighed heavy on me and only made my depression and anxiety worse. After having kids, I then had to deal with postpartum depression, which is something that is rarely talked about. I don’t think depression truly gets cured, but I think it’s rather something you take day by day. As a personal trainer, it’s just as important to stay mentally healthy.. but why is the media only focused on outward fitness such as thin legs, abs, and a flawless face? Shouldn’t we be examining what’s going on inside? This past week, my depression has been worse. Not sure why exactly, but I haven’t felt as social. Instead I just find myself wanting to nap and not talk to anyone. I had to force myself to snap out of it and to seek support from my husband and friends because it’s never good to be alone. Instead of articles about how fast one bounces back after pregnancy etc, I wish the media would make mental health go viral and to actual TALK about it. It’s not some disease like everyone makes it out to be. I take anti-depressants daily and have done therapy. I’m sooo not perfect and I struggle daily. But what I also know is that I’m not alone. Many of you ladies are probably fighting the same fight. Depression is ugly. But you can stand up to it and live your best lives ever. There will be days where you feel lower than others, but don’t forget to get back up out of bed, put that armor on, and keep fighting. Fitness has helped so much with managing my depression! After a good workout, I instantly feel much better. I hope to get more into yoga soon so I can learn meditation and to control negative thoughts. Anywho, I haven’t been super active in the last day or so, and I wanted to share with you all what I’m going through. I hope you all have a good week!

A post shared by SIA | FITNESS WORKOUTS RECIPES (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on Aug 2, 2018 at 7:57am PDT

As time went on, I quickly learned that wasn't the case. Over the next couple of years, I ended up going through a divorce and remarrying. I became a mother of two. I also became a nurse and a personal trainer, and I began developing my blog, Diary of a Fit Mommy. As I continued learning about health, wellness, and what it really means to appreciate your body, I found myself feeling like my implants no longer aligned with my beliefs and what I was preaching to my followers and personal training clients. I was a completely different person from when I first got my implants and that start to weigh heavily on me. (Related: This Woman Wants You to Know That Losing Weight Won't Magically Make You Happy)

The Never-Ending Symptoms

After giving birth to my first child, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. From a mental health standpoint, my anxiety and depression were off the charts. And physically, I was just exhausted and started to experience hair loss. In the beginning, I chalked it all up to childbirth, but my symptoms didn't go away until way after my postpartum period.

WHY I CHOSE TO REMOVE MY IMPLANTS + ONE WEEK POST-EXPLANT UPDATE on the blog✨See the full update + pictures at diaryofafitmommy.com/blog. I can’t believe it’s been one week, y’all. This past week, I’ve been sore, but have felt incredible. More-so than the last few years. I went from being practically bedridden to having more energy to live. Chest pain is GONE. Shortness of breath is GONE. Bad body odor is GONE. Inflammation is rapidly decreasing. I feel mentally more clear, but still waiting for more on this. Acne is clearing up. I have color back in my face again. My weight is finally budging for the first time in MONTHS. I’m still tired, but I am guessing it’s my body healing from the surgery. My husband said I haven’t been this talkative in months and I credit that to me not being so anxious and depressed anymore. The toxicity of the implants themselves (ingredients listed in my blog post) + my body trying to fight the foreign objects took a toll on me this year which lead me to remove them. I ate healthy, exercises regularly, but nothing would help me. I saw so many doctors and took so many tests for no answers. I felt like such a hypocrite and fraud because I preached natural, healthy, and organic everyday and yet here I was sick from silicone and a bad choice I made 7 years ago. It got to the point where I couldn’t workout anymore. I was that sick. I felt like an 80 year old when I was only 29. I feel freer than I have in so long. I thought I would cry seeing my new breasts, but I haven’t. It feels amazing to be smaller again and they fit my body. I never thought I would say this, but I love my new (old) self. Crazy that it took me all of this running around to get back to this point. You truly don’t appreciate your health until it’s been compromised. While I’m still healing, I’ll be taking it easy. I still can’t lift anything (including my kids 😭) until one month post op. My incisions are in my fold so you cannot see them (great work @jchunmd1). It looks like I never had implants to begin with! Thank you to all who supported me in this emotional journey. I will post another update at one month post op which will be in a few weeks. 💜

A post shared by SIA | FITNESS WORKOUTS RECIPES (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on Dec 11, 2018 at 7:31am PST

Over the years, I noticed sporadic chest pain. It would last for about 30 seconds and then go away. Periodically, I'd have brain fog and forget the most basic things and struggle to do my work. I'd also break out, which wasn't something I had dealt with when I was younger. Not only that but I gained quite a bit of weight. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it to budge. Still, I continued to attribute everything to being a new mom, struggling with depression, getting older and, well, life.

It wasn't until this year that my symptoms took a turn for the worse. Up until then, I'd been able to live my life as a mom, wife, trainer, and influencer without many hiccups. But I felt my body slowly deteriorating and I couldn't bring myself to do anything anymore.

My brain fog got to the point where I was struggling to form sentences. I stopped lifting weights six months ago because my joints felt so swollen. I couldn't even get on my wedding ring. The exhaustion was so extreme that I'd sleep all night and through the day and still feel groggy as though I were sleep-deprived. My husband, my family, and friends didn't recognize who I was anymore. I couldn't believe that this is what my life had come to. (Related: 7 Symptoms You Should Never Ignore)

At this point, I wanted answers. Something was wrong with me and I needed to know what. So I decided to write down all of my symptoms and do some research. After doing some digging, I found that an autoimmune disorder of some sort seemed to be the best explanation for what I was feeling. So I decided to go see my physician and get some preliminary tests done.

Finding an Answer

After explaining my symptoms to my general practitioner, he suggested starting with a blood test. When the results came back normal, we did a test for my thyroid, checking for autoimmune markers. Again, nothing was wrong.

Then back in August, I decided to share a post about my breast implants and plastic surgery in general. A lot of women were sending me messages, complimenting me on how great my boobs looked even after nursing. I didn't want to keep them in the dark. (Related: This Influencer Opened Up About the Decision to Get Her Implants Removed and Breastfeed)

When you go to a plastic surgeon’s office, they mark your body just like this-depending on what you’re having done. I know. I’ve been there once. All of the markings represent what’s not “perfect enough” for us to accept on our own bodies whether it’s breasts (🙋🏽‍♀️), nose, body fat, or even tummies. I remember sitting in the surgeon’s office 7 years ago hopeful that bigger breasts would make me feel better about myself. Cosmetic surgery doesn’t make you feel better though.. you only feel better when you start to accept the things you shouldn’t be changing in the first place. If I could go back and tell that 21 year old girl awaiting her consult for a breast augmentation, I would scream at her that she’s perfect. I would tell her that she does not need to be cut into like a slice of meat. I would tell her that it wasn’t worth it. I would hug her. Cry with her. I would tell her that she was beautiful and didn’t have to do this. Why am I posting this? Because millions of females and males struggle with the alluring idea of getting nipped and tucked. They make it look so glorious and amazing! But what if I told you that women who get breast implants are statistically 4 times as likely to commit suicide after? You would think otherwise, right? Since getting surgery, my depression and anxiety has worsened. The ability to accept myself has worsened because it makes you want MORE. This might be a triggering message, but I urge you to love yourself. No body deserves to be marked on as if it needs changing. It’s degrading and it’s never a good feeling. I’m not totally against plastic surgery, but I can’t say that I’m really for it anymore. To each their own. But I want you to look good and long at this photo noticing the cut lines. It’s sad isn’t it? We feel so much pressure to be perfect because plastic surgery is the norm. Yes, implants, fat transfers, liposuction, nose jobs, eyebrow lifts, and even chin jobs are the NORM for many Instagram influencers and people in general. THIS is why I urge you to never compare. Unfollow anyone that is “too perfect” for you. Follow those who do good for your mental health. You’re worth it! YOU DO NOT NEED FIXING.

A post shared by SIA | FITNESS WORKOUTS RECIPES (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on Sep 4, 2018 at 5:38am PDT

I wanted everyone to know that I had implants, but also that plastic surgery isn't the answer to your problems with body image. I shared how my anxiety and depression had worsened since getting implants and that if I could go back in time, I would have never gotten them. I wanted to share with people what I had learned over time: Changing yourself physically isn't a quick-fix for whatever's going on on the inside.

What I didn't share was all the other symptoms I'd been experiencing. At the time, I didn't think my implants had anything to do with how I was feeling. But several hundred people commented on my post asking if I'd heard of breast implant illness (BII), a term used by women to describe a series of symptoms that stem from ruptured breast implants or an allergy to the product, among other things. Several women who'd had their implants removed began sharing their symptoms, and I was shocked at how similar they were to mine. Several people also shared a link to a Facebook support group for women who believe they had BII.

More than 50,000 women had joined that page, and there were threads upon threads of people experiencing the same symptoms as mine. On top of that, most of these women had taken blood tests and checked for autoimmune diseases and were met with dead ends. I had finally found people who could relate to what I was going through and that gave me a small sense of relief.

Learning About Breast Implant Illness

Joining that group gave me the final extra push I needed to get my implants removed. I knew that from an emotional standpoint, I didn't want them anymore. But if there was even a 1 percent chance that they could be causing my symptoms, I wanted them out.

Update: yesterday I had my first post op visit since my explant. The drains didn’t get to come out just yet so we are going to see Doctor Chun again today to see if they are ready. The purpose for the drains is to prevent a hematoma or seratoma in my breasts and to aid in healing. I saw my breasts and showered last night for the first time. I didn’t cry like I thought I would. It was something I was so afraid of! Doctor Chun told me that the worst they’ll look like is at 24 hours post op and he was amazed at how much better they turned out since I denied a lift. I got my implants back to me in a bag which was interesting. He took my hands and told me to feel how heavy the bag was and wow.. I didn’t realize I was carrying so much weight on my chest, placing stress over my heart and lungs for the past 7 years. We weighed the implants and they were two pounds! So far I’ve noticed: 1. I can breathe deeper 2. I feel lighter 3. My face and skin actually produces oil again-used to be so dry. 4. I have less inflammation everywhere. I have a few other improvements that I’m noticing but i would like to wait until I’m at least 1 month post op or so before I claim them just to make sure. I’m just so happy to feel better. I honestly feel younger. They say implants age you, but I had no idea. The fatigue, joint pain, hairloss, and inflammation became too much for me and I had to make a change. Over the next few weeks they say my breasts will change and “fluff” out. I look forward to that and getting my health back to where it needs to be. It was hard preaching health when I wasn’t feeling very healthy so this had to happen for me. Thank you again for the support guys. It was a big step for me. I’m looking forward to improving and getting better. #breastimplants #breastimplantillness #bii #plasticsurgery #cosmeticsurgery

A post shared by SIA | FITNESS WORKOUTS RECIPES (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on Dec 7, 2018 at 7:43am PST

That being said, I was still skeptical about BII as a whole. Being a nurse, I didn't like the fact that there is no definitive test for BII. Not to mention it isn't even widely recognized in the medical community. But at the same time, there were thousands upon thousands of women out there feeling exactly how I was feeling—with no answers. That was more than enough to plant a seed in my mind. (ICYMI, there is hard evidence that breast implants are directly related to a rare form of blood cancer.)

When I brought BII up with my general practitioner, he had never heard of it. He didn't really have anything to say about the potential side effects of implants. So I decided to pay my original surgeon a visit to talk about getting them removed.

When I described my symptoms and shared what I'd learned about BII, he cited a lot of research about how and why silicone implants are perfectly safe and that there isn't enough evidence out there to prove that BII even exists. So it was obvious to me that he didn't believe in it. Either way, I said I was interested in getting explants but he tried talking me out of that too, saying I'd look "disfigured" without my implants and that I should consider a fat transfer if I still wanted to take that route.

I left that appointment feeling disappointed—not only because my doctor wasn't willing to give me what I wanted, but because my symptoms and the way I was feeling didn't seem to matter. I knew I had to find someone who was at least willing to listen to me and my concerns.

Getting Explants

I found Dr. H. Jae Chun through a website featuring surgeons who exclusively perform explants. During our first chat about the process, he told me that I'm not the only person who's come to him with the symptoms I'd shared—both emotionally and physically—and that if I felt that removing the implants was the right decision for my body, then it probably was.

I learned that the explant procedure itself is actually quite easy and would take about an hour and a half. And ICYDK, it's not just about removing the implants, but taking out what is called the "capsule" around it as well. When implants are initially placed into your breast muscle, your body naturally forms scar tissue around them, in an effort to protect your body from them. They are at the end of the day, foreign objects. If your implant ruptures, which is rare, this tissue can help prevent it from spreading to the rest of your body, which can be toxic.

After learning all this new info, I flew out to Newport Beach, CA, to finally get my implants removed. As I got prepped for surgery, I was just as nervous as when I went to get my implants nearly a decade ago. Before going in, Dr. Chun reassured me that he was going to remove both of my implants in one piece and make sure nothing is left behind. But still, while I had tried not to get my hopes up, I couldn't help but think: What if this doesn't work? What if when I wake up, I still feel the same? A part of me actually expected to be let down, like I had been so many times before.

WARNING: don’t swipe if you are squeamish. 🤢 After 7 years im officially silicone free! Wow. It’s still hard to take in. Surgery only lasted an hour and a half last night and went well. @jchunmd1 was able to get all of my capsule out and said that the capsules went to my armpits and stuck on a blood vessel which is was scary. Also he mentioned of implant has formed a small contracture which is no good. This usually causes breast pain, chest pain, and cosmetic side effects (my contracted boob was so much smaller than my other). No leaks or ruptured thankfully and I’ll get my implants back in a bag to keep and look at at my post op appointment tomorrow. Hopefully these drains will come out, too. How do I feel today? Slightly groggy, but happy. When I woke up in the recovery room the number one thing I felt was lighter and I could breath deeper. It no longer felt an elephant was sitting on my chest. I look forward to seeing what symptoms approve and what stays the same. The main thing I want to see if a change in my chronic fatigue. I would do anything for that! Thank you guys for the support. I’ll share another update when I feel a little more alive (or at least when I look a little better 😂). I love you guys more than you know. Thanks for your continued love. Checkout @breast_implant_illness for more info #breastimplants #breastimplantillness #breastexplant #explant #plasticsurgery #cosmeticsurgery

A post shared by SIA | FITNESS WORKOUTS RECIPES (@diaryofafitmommyofficial) on Dec 5, 2018 at 8:11am PST

Post-op, Dr. Chun told me that he was able to remove both capsules in one piece and that there was no leakage. He did, however, find that my capsules had gone into my armpits, and one of the capsule was stuck on a major blood vessel, restricting its flow.

When I woke up, I took my first breath and felt my lungs expand in a way they hadn't in years. I no longer felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. I remember looking at my husband and smiling. I knew that even if this didn't solve all of my problems, I had made the right decision.

A New Beginning

Since having my implants removed, I've lost 5 pounds in just nine days—2 pounds of which were from my implants alone. While I'm still sore and tired, I've already noticed several of my symptoms improve. To start, my chest pain is gone. I feel much less bloated and inflamed, and my acne is gone. My skin actually feels a little oily, which it hasn't in years. Not only that, but my husband said I haven't been this talkative in months. I think it's because I don't feel so anxious and depressed. The progress I've seen so far is amazing. So many women say their symptoms immediately disappear. I just couldn't believe it was true until I experienced it myself.

Going into surgery, I didn't know how I was going to feel about my appearance once I had my implants removed. I knew that in addition to my boobs looking saggy, I could develop stretch marks, and that I'd have noticeable incisions within my natural fold. But when I saw myself in the mirror, I didn't cry. I didn't freak out. Instead, I appreciated that I was finally my natural self, something I wish I had been all along.

While it's still early, I know that my implants were making me sick. Time will tell if they are the root of all my symptoms, but so far it sure does feel that way. If there's anything I've learned through this whole process, it's that you have to be an advocate for your own health—especially as a woman. When you feel like something is wrong with your body, more likely than not, there probably is. So pay attention to your symptoms, find doctors who care about what you're going through and who believe you. At the end of the day, only you can do and know what's truly best for you.