Halsey apologises to fans for ‘self-loathing’ music: ‘I’m sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art’
Halsey has opened up about “a deep sadness” that she feels is inside of her, apologising to fans that it’s “penetrated” her art.
Ahead of the 27-year-old pop singer’s birthday on 29 September, she reflected deeply on her life and career.
In an Instagram story on 21 September, Halsey, who uses she/they pronouns, wrote: “I find that there’s a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness.
“I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself,” the “Without Me” singer continued. “And the weight of it is suffocating. I’m sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn’t served a greater purpose other than my own self-loathing.”
She added that as she’s approaching her 28th birthday, she’s “just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18”.
“I am wandering lawlessly and I hope to find my way somewhere meaningful soon so that I can give you the guts I’ve always known to scoop heapings of into your ears,” she concluded. “They are shrivelling lately. If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle. With love.”
Halsey has been vocal about her struggles with mental health. In high school, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. During a 2019 interview with Rolling Stone, the Grammy-winning artist opened up about getting professional help.
“I’ve been committed twice since [I became] Halsey, and no one’s known about it. But I’m not ashamed of talking about it now,” she said.
“It’s been my choice. I’ve said to [my manager], ‘Hey, I’m not going to do anything bad right now, but I’m getting to the point where I’m scared that I might, so I need to go figure this out.’”
In July 2021, Halsey welcomed her first child, son Ender, with boyfriend Alev Aydin. Earlier this year, she disclosed the multiple health issues she’s been experiencing since giving birth.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress and isolation, or are struggling to cope, the Samaritans offers support; you can speak to someone for free over the phone, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The Helpline is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
