Do You Know How to Have Fun in Your Marriage?

Keeping laughter and love in marriage through the years

By Elvira Tan

Injecting fun into a relationship takes effort and work. It sounds counter-intuitive but that is the way it is. In the early stages of infatuation, laughter and fun comes naturally. However, if a couple is not alert, stale familiarity and boredom might set in as the years go by.

Having fun in a relationship does not ‘just happen’ in any long-standing relationship. One can have the most creative ideas for dating and entertainment but I’ve learnt that the number one thing for any couple to have fun is to have complete trust and appreciation of each other.

When my husband and I first started dating, we never ceased to compliment each other in our speech. However, we soon realised that our conversations grew increasingly transactional especially when the kids came along. “Have you picked up the dry cleaning?” or “Will you be able to pick L from school later today?”. We subconsciously had become extremely task-oriented and failed to see how it could affect our level of emotional intimacy. We have since learnt to intentionally affirm each other in our day-to-day conversations. Better yet if humour is thrown in when we are complimenting each other. For example, as my husband and I have begun to work out together, we get a kick out of teasing and appreciating each other as we see muscles pop out in places we never knew existed. It keeps things light-hearted and it’s one of our ways to encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves.

We also realised that while regular date nights are a must-have, care had to be taken to not go back to conversing about parenting issues or household arrangements that needed to be made. Conversations should be centred around what each person was currently experiencing, be it at work or with friendships – any issue that mattered. Date nights were a time for my husband and I to take a personal interest in each other’s lives like a friend would do for a bestie.

We break our routines every now and then too. Lately, with the kids on school vacation and me not needing to ferry the children to school, we have started a new routine of exploring new breakfast joints before I drop him off at work. It is always fun to create shared new experiences. We also go back to old breakfast places and reminisce days spent there. It is always helpful to think back on the days when marital love first began.

Dropping spontaneous text messages during the day also helps us stay connected. It was powerful to know that we had each other on our minds despite the busyness of day-to-day life. We recently got ourselves smart watches to monitor each other’s calorie burn for each day. We have made it a competition of sorts to see who hit the day’s targets first or has reached one’s personal best for any activity. Updates are sent to each other via the watches. As mushy as it sounds, the smart watches are even able to help us send our heartbeats to each other. So whether you are married for two or twenty years, retaining our inner child can bring plenty of fun and laughter into a marriage.

Granted, it can be extremely challenging not to let busyness and the stress of everyday living get in the way of having fun with our spouses. There will be times where there might be a dip in the fun you have in your marriage, but you can always bring it back with greater intentionality and creativity.

© 2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

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This article was first published on family.org.sg and republished with permission.