Kristin Cavallari says marriage to Jay Cutler was 'toxic' and 'unhealthy': 'I was really unhappy'
Kristin Cavallari is talking divorce and dating in a new interview, including how she won't be getting back together with old flame/new podcast partner Stephen Colletti.
The reality star candidly answered all questions on the Call Her Daddy podcast, including the tougher ones — about what made her marriage with former NFL star Jay Cutler "toxic," a word she has used to describe it in the past.
"So here's my only thing because I have three kids with him," the Very Cavallari alum began. "I'm very careful about what I say — if you and I don't have microphones in front of us, I'd f***ing tell you — but that's their dad and my oldest Googles us now and I just want to be very careful. My mom never said anything bad about my dad growing up [after they divorced] and I really respected that and I want to be that kind of mom."
That said, "It was toxic. Period. End of story. That's all I kind of need to say," the 35-year-old answered.
Cavallari said that when she and Cutler got together, post-The Hills after a few party girl years, "At the time in my life, he was perfect for me," saying it was "easy and fun." However, she also spoke about "red flags" over "dealbreaker" behaviors.
"I called off [our] engagement [in 2011 for] the same reason I got a divorce," she said. "Same reasons I should say. So I guess if there's any take away from that is: You can't ignore red flags."
They announced their split in 2020, but says it was long overdue. "It took me a few years to actually pull the trigger to be honest for you," she said.
The Uncommon James founder called divorce scary, sad but also "the best thing... With any relationship, you just have to realize what are dealbreakers for you ... and I was really unhappy. That was the bottom line. And I was in an unhealthy relationship. So that, to me, is not worth it. Also, I didn't want my kids thinking that that was normal. I wanted them to see me happy and see me — not right now, but eventually — with someone who really respects me and treats me the way I need to be treated."
Since then, she's been back in the dating game. Despite the toxicity, a few dates have been with her ex-husband. She's also shared a kiss with ex Colletti, her high school boyfriend, as Laguna Beach fans remember, and co-host of her new podcast, Back to the Beach with Kristin and Stephen.
"I went to dinner with him almost two years ago and we kissed, which was fun," she said of her Colletti reunion. "I was actually dating someone at the time — [and] just making up for lost time — so ... it kind of just didn't turn into anything" more.
She claimed that's the end of it, saying, "Once I'm done with someone, I'm done. It's like a light switch that flips and I can't go back."
She had a lot of fun dating stories, both from back in the day to present. In one, she talked about going on a date two months earlier with an "actor" she didn't identify. The meetup went horribly wrong — in the middle of a busy L.A. bar/restaurant.
"He was slamming drinks," she recalled. "We were sitting at the bar. It's f***ing packed. He gets up to re-enact a stunt that he had done [and] accidentally runs into the waiter and is like, 'Oh I'm so sorry.' I was like, Please sit the f*** down. He's creating all this commotion in the middle of Laurel Hardware."
She also talked about being pursued by younger men.
"I've been attracting a lot of guys in their twenties," she said. "I don't know what that's about... You guys know I have three kids, right?"
For the record, Cavallari said 30 is her minimum age while a 45-year-old businessman who isn't on social media is her ideal. She pointed to Alexander Skarsgård, of Big Little Lies, as her celebrity crush.
Cavallari also said a man who's secure in himself is a must — as well as someone who is OK with who she is having dated some guys who get a "taste of fame and they lose their mind. They become addicted to it almost, or it's really threatening... They get really jealous and insecure."
She also wants him to make the first move — though not, we repeat, not via DM.
"Where I'm at currently in my life, I want to be pursued," she said. "I want to be f***ing courted. I want the man to put in some f***ing effort. Because guys now — again, I was with Jay for 10 years, this is my first time dating in the social media world — it's like it's a f***ing shit show out there. I hate every second of it. But guys are lazy as f*** now — and they're always looking for the next best thing. So it's like, no, I'm sorry, I don't have time for your little bulls*** anymore. Like let me see how serious you are and put in the effort. So, no, I'm not making the first move.
"Now I'm so different dating," she said. "I see s*** a mile away and it's like, no, I'm actually not going to put up with that."