Love can affect all areas of your life -- including business -- positively or negatively. While you could have a supportive partner who’s your ride or die, you could also have an existing or potential relationship thwarting your ambitions. Love is no joke. Conquer it or it’ll conquer you.
If your thoughts and ingrained beliefs about relationships prevent you from scaling your business and living the life you want, we’re sorry to inform you: you’re self-sabotaging. Self-sabotage concerns toxic mindsets and behaviors that stop you from living the life you want. In this case, it refers to love-related thought patterns that keep you from running a profitable business.
We’ve brought a few insights from personal development and self-improvement expert Dominey Drew, who discusses why being in charge of your business, as well as your love life, can lead you to where you want to be.
Have you dealt, or are dealing with any of the following dilemmas?
“My current partner doesn’t support my business, so I should quit.”
Being supportive is an essential and sought-after quality in a partner. If they’re the ones being unsupportive of your goals, that’s on them, not you. Still, you’re the one surrendering to their unhelpfulness.
What’s more, emotional support or a lack thereof can make or break a business. That’s why the people in your life should lift you up and keep you inspired and motivated. If your partner is constantly dragging you down with words of negativity and disapproval, you may want to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if this is the right person for you.
Being honest with yourself can be hard, particularly if your self-sabotaging mindset tells you that you’ll never be happy again, or that you’ll never find anyone else. That’s untrue. You can attract the right people into your life. According to Dominey, being attractive to the right person starts with recognizing your own responsibility to make yourself happy first.
“The moment you start putting the responsibility of your own happiness on to someone else, it’s a slippery slope. Because it’s flat out not someone else’s job to do that”, she says.
“As an entrepreneur, I shouldn’t seek love. I should get used to being lonely and focus on myself and my work.”
For starters, focusing on yourself is far different than being lonely. Besides, that’s your lack of self-confidence speaking on your behalf.
In Dominey’s words, “If self-confidence is an issue for you, you most likely tend to isolate -- it’s just human nature. No one really wants to discuss their problems and vulnerabilities, but this is exactly what takes you from where you are to where you want to be.”
On the opposite side of the spectrum, chasing relationships is the worst thing you can do -- and so is thinking you need a relationship to be happy. “That kind of thinking repels people instead of attracting them, and is guaranteed to keep you single”, she says.
What’s more, loneliness affects all areas of your life. And finding the right person can improve all of those areas. Not just any person, but the right one.
The right person can bring you more confidence and freedom. After all, surrounding yourself with people who love you, support you, compliment you, and are there for you will help you uncover your best self.
On the flip side, loneliness only leads to more loneliness, and it could keep you single even if you plan on having a relationship down the road. “The more you spend time feeling something, the more you feel it. And if that feeling is loneliness, then this negates any momentum you had toward getting out of this space and meeting someone amazing”, says Dominey.
“I can’t let go of a past love—and that’s taking a toll on my focus.”
Running any business requires a huge amount of focus. Heartbreak can take that away from you, especially if you’re overfocused on pain over healing.
Getting over a past love isn’t easy, but some people make it harder than it has to be due to a victim mentality. Feelings of resentment, frustration, avoiding solutions, dwelling in the problem...all of these are forms of self-sabotage.
Not to mention, falling prey to victimhood means latching onto someone and blaming others for what’s happening to you. Needless to say, this turns back the clock of your healing process.
Here’s the good news, though: letting go of a past love gives you more time to turn inwards and focus on your goals, not anyone else’s. It gives you the chance to be unapologetically yourself, and work on two of the leading qualities of winning entrepreneurs: authenticity and confidence.
In business, you will have to deal with events that will shake you to the core. This is a disguised opportunity to learn you can get yourself back on your feet.
If your love life is stopping you from growing your business and your lack of self-confidence takes over, you may find relief in reaching out to a professional relationship coach. Keep in mind that owning your business life starts with defeating self-sabotage and putting your passion first. And, if growing your business is what you want to do, you need to make sure that your love interest is on the same page.