When you’re in love, there’s an underlying societal expectation that the two of you want to spend every waking moment together and thatan active sex lifecomes easy. You want to be with your partner all the time, and youwantthem all the time.
In the illustrated clip, the British author recommends we set aside our idealized notions about love and look instead to the ancient Greeks, who believed inthree main types of love:
As de Botton explains it, “philia” is particularly important in a long-term relationship, because the hot-and-heavy “eros” phases tend to come and go.
“Our feelings of ‘eros’ can evolve into another sort of love: ‘philia.’ It’s normally translated into ‘friendship,’ though the Greek words is far warmer, more loyal and touching than its English counterpart,” he explains. “One might be willing to die for ‘philia.’”
Watch the clip above for more on the three types of love.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost.