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Munroe Bergdorf Explains Why She's Always Loved 'Difficult' Women

From ELLE

If you’re on the lookout for a new podcast to keep you company on your commute, get you through the most painful footsteps of a jog or educate you about the zeitgeist, listen up.

Rose McGowan, Jess Phillips MP, Gina Martin and Sinéad Burke are just some of the formidable and game-changing women to feature on the second season of the critically-acclaimed podcast, To The Woman.

The Audible podcast, previously hosted by best-selling author Scarlett Curtis, is returning for season two with broadcaster June Sarpong to celebrate inspirational women from around the world.

‘There’s nothing like the power of a collective, and when women come together, when we support one another, something truly magical happens,’ says Sarpong.

Photo credit: YURI ARCURS PRODUCTIONS - Getty Images
Photo credit: YURI ARCURS PRODUCTIONS - Getty Images

‘Through our bonds with the women who loved us, shaped us, heard us, saved us and surround us – we can begin to create a world that unleashes the full potential of everyone regardless of gender.’

Each episode will feature women delivering a series of letters to their mothers, life-long friends and individuals who are yet to shape their lives.

Transgender activist and model Munroe Berdorf is one of several individuals to feature on the podcast. In her episode, she will dedicate a letter to the difficult women in her life.

Ahead of the podcast’s season two release, read Bergdorf's letter below:

To The Women That Shaped Me by Munroe Bergdorf

'"You are the company you keep", is a piece of childhood advice that I've carried with me throughout my life. It resounds in my head in my mother's voice. The stern, unwavering, uncompromising and at times difficult tones of my mother's voice.

I've always loved difficult women. The kind of women who make make men nervously clear their throats when questioned. The kind of women who won't take it lying down. Who don't let up and can't be deterred.

I recognised from an early age that these were often the women who would also be painted as "a pain", "a nag", "bossy", "above [their] station", "too big for [their] boots" and "difficult women".

I noticed how the papers that my dad bought never seemed to use such words to speak about men. How subjects of power seemed to be presented as exclusively male and subjects of desire almost strictly female.

Photo credit: David M. Benett - Getty Images
Photo credit: David M. Benett - Getty Images

But when speaking about a woman who embodies the two? Difficult.

There's something about that word "difficult". The way that it rolls of the tongue... difficult. The way it's been coded to swiftly and purposely shut her up. Because it's not good for a woman to be seen as difficult.

But I disagree. The opposite of a difficult woman is an easy woman. And it turns out, easy women aren’t held in high regard either. But growing up I had no idea of this.

I grew up in a home with my mother as the breadwinner. I grew up unaware that a woman could ever be seen as anything but magnificent; a provider, a queen, a force to be reckoned with. To me, women were – and still are – the earth's most brilliant creations. So, it was a shock to later find out that not everyone shared this mentality. That brilliance, like my mother’s, posed a threat to some.

I wasn’t only enthralled by the "difficult women" I shared my life with. I remember watching Monica Lewinsky's story unfold and feeling uneasy but not being able to pinpoint why. I knew affairs were wrong, but I couldn't understand why it was her that took the fall and not [Bill Clinton]. I started to see Monica Lewinsky in most women. I started to see how most women take the fall when there’s a "him" involved.

[pullquote align='left']The opposite of a 'difficult woman' is an 'easy woman'. And they aren’t held in high regard either[/pullquote]

I started to see how sex is something weaponised by men against women. But also how sex is something women weaponise against other women to not have it weaponised against them by men.

Photo credit: Courtesy of Audible Original
Photo credit: Courtesy of Audible Original

The space between the very visceral reaction many people will have upon hearing Monica Lewinsky’s name said aloud, compared with [the] minimal response to hearing Bill Clinton’s name is what inspires me – women who navigate that space inspire me.

I refuse to accept that in order to be respected, a woman should take up space, but not too much space. She should have an opinion but make sure it's the same opinion. She should be prepared to pick what kind of woman she wants to be.

I refuse to accept that a whole woman, a multifaceted diverse woman, has no place telling a whole man, a multifaceted diverse man, what's what.

If demanding respect means being seen as difficult, by those who have decided that my tenacity outweighs the urgency of my contributions. If not adjusting my tone, when critiquing a man's perspective means I'm a b*tch, by those men unused to a women unafraid of the bass in her voice.

Photo credit: David M. Benett - Getty Images
Photo credit: David M. Benett - Getty Images

If being assertive enough to go after what I deserve. If being unapologetic enough to say when I feel uncomfortable. If being loud enough to make sure my voice is heard means I'm difficult, then sign me up.

I thank my mother for refusing to compromise (to her detriment). The bar was set high but fully in sight. My mother taught me that nothing comes without persistence, focus and commitment. That nothing comes without adversity.

Difficult women are the women who shaped me. Unafraid to stand in their light and unbothered by those who don't want them to shine. But it seems to me that it isn't about being seen as difficult or easy at all. It's about being a being a woman, period.

To be respected by male power, it seems that a woman must behave like a man. That she must assimilate and sacrifice part of her femininity for a seat at the patriarchal table.

Well...f*ck that.

I'm inspired by the whistleblowers.

The survivors.

The underdogs.

The divas.

The women they call 'sluts'.

The tricky women.

The bossy women.

The nasty women.

The troublemakers.

The trailblazers.

The rule breakers.

The change makers.

The resilient women.

The resourceful women.

The brilliant women.

The difficult women.

Season 2 of Audible's To The Woman podcast featuring Munroe Bergdorf and hosted by June Sarpong launches on March 3 2020.

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