For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity

Alison* is glad the sun came out at the same time the coronavirus lockdown arrived. “I’m spending all day on the balcony to keep away,” she explains. “I’m lucky I have one.”

Alison’s balcony offers her a small degree of distance from her partner, whose behaviour has become increasingly erratic since the coronavirus crisis began. For the estimated 1.6 million women who experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales last year, home isn’t a place of safety. Rather than a chance to catch up on a boxset or long delayed DIY project, self isolation for women in coercive or violent relationships means being trapped indoors with your abuser.

Alison assures me her partner won’t hurt her. “He’s had these episodes before,” she tells me over a messaging app, referring to bouts of heavy drinking that have intensified since the government introduced social distancing measures. “But he’s the worst I’ve known him for a long time.” She connects her partner’s moods with the pandemic. He “gets angry with me for being super careful about wiping things down and insisting he washes his hands,” she explains. “He thinks I’m being over the top. He’s angry with me for acting like a ‘mad person’, and calls me paranoid. But he’s putting my health at risk, too.”

Since the outbreak, the domestic violence charity WomanKind in Bristol has had a number of new callers. Some have directly referred to the strain of being isolated with their partners for an extended period. The counselling charity Relate has recorded an uptick in enquiries related to the pandemic; 30% of its calls in the week leading up 18 March mentioned coronavirus. Though some of these calls will have been about cancelled appointments rather than relationship issues, charities are concerned the lockdown has left many vulnerable women trapped indoors.

“In unhappy relationships all the methods people might have incorporated to relieve their distress are not available to them any more,” says Ammanda Major, a counsellor at Relate. “Some people will be connecting with friends online, but that doesn’t take you away physically from the problems in the relationship.”

There’s nowhere to go when you’re in lockdown. Major is concerned that coercive and violent partners will see this as an opportunity to “up the ante … because they essentially have a captive”.

The adverse effects of the pandemic is felt most acutely among the vulnerable – the old, the sick, the financially insecure. People trapped in abusive and unhappy relationships also fall into this vulnerable category. Police forces are already reporting domestic abuse cases directly linked to the lockdown. In Avon and Somerset, the police force has reported at 20.9% increase in domestic violence incidents over the last two weeks.

During normal conditions, victims of domestic abuse can seek help outside the home or at work. Staying with friends might have been an option when things got too difficult. Now, many are stuck in the same space as their abuser. The window for seeking help has narrowed.

The home secretary, Priti Patel, has confirmed that women can leave violent households to go to a refuge during the lockdown. The trouble is, after a decade of cuts, many refuges have closed; one in six has shut its doors since 2010. A coalition of charitable groups has called for an immediate cash injection to support refuges and domestic violence services during the coronavirus crisis.

And many services are facing a difficult dilemma: should they close their doors to new arrivals in order to prevent the spread of the virus, or remain open for victims? Some refuge services will have to lock down and stop taking referrals due to the virus . Other domestic violence charities have begun offering online support . But for people with controlling partners who monitor internet activity, even seeking help online can be a risk.

Related: Lockdowns around the world bring rise in domestic violence

Help is still out there for women enduring domestic abuse. The charity WomensAid has published guidance for staying safe during the outbreak – including a “silent solution” system for victims who may be afraid of further harm if they’re overheard calling 999. There are things friends and family can do, too, even while social distancing. “If you know you have a friend who is at risk from a partner,” Major says, “see if there is a way you can contact them digitally to check out how they are.”

“You shouldn’t refer to the fact you think their partner is controlling, because that might put them at risk”, she adds. “But checking in, being there for somebody, it can help that person.”

Back on her balcony, the strain of managing her partner’s moods has led to Alison “suffering from dreadful anxiety”. Even talking to loved ones feels out of reach – she doesn’t want to worry them at an already anxious time.

“I really need emotional support,” she says. “It’s breaking my heart.”

*Names have been changed

• In the UK, the domestic violence helpline is 0808 2000 247. In Australia, the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732. In the US, the domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org

• Sian Norris is a writer and feminist activist