Choosing to have sex for the first time is definitely an experience. Some people have totally wonderful, mind-blowing sex, and they end up with that person for the rest of their lives. While some people are stuck with that totally awkward memory and can't wait to experience something better.
So, when Reddit user u/UrFavGenreOfFood posed the question, "People who initially dated the person that took your virginity, how did your perception of sex change once you had new partners?" in r/AskReddit, people filled the comments with their stories:
1."He was no big thing. He said I just laid there, but I had no idea what I liked at the time, and I was still new at it. I had nothing to compare to. After him, I was a booty call for a guy who pressed ALL my buttons and really taught me what I was looking for in the sack. Thanks to him, I got WAY more adventurous and confident."
2."I realized how fun sex was with her (we were together for four years), and the next few partners I had were a slight disappointment because I expected something similar, and I had no element of comparison before."
"I thought the sex I had with my first love was normal, and her sex drive was normal. It was pretty damn good sex with good chemistry; it turns out this is rare. So I learned that, I guess. I eventually found great partners, but way later in my life."
3."My first girlfriend and her family were very sex-positive, cool hippies. The third or fourth girl I kissed was in college; we went back to my dorm and were making out. I thought it would be totally a given that we should move on to some mutually beneficial safe sex and was surprised when she wanted to keep things at kissing and touching."
4."I realized how much better and longer sex could be! My initial partner was a one-and-done kind of guy. My new partner doesn’t stop until we’re both satisfied."
5."My first girlfriend was a virgin as well; she watched more porn daily than I did in a week. She always said that I was small and couldn't please her, but she was a starfish herself. With the new partner, I've found out that sex can actually be enjoyable and that pleasing a partner is even more fun and pleasant than my own pleasure."
6."I hate to admit, she was the most compatible person in bed with me. I've had other partners, but some things don't seem to mesh well. I wonder if it has to do with being college-aged at the time, so you are more open to things. In my late 20s and early 30s, my partners would flat out reject some suggestions or ideas."
7."I happened to have great chemistry with my first girlfriend that I didn't have with other partners except one. I didn't expect good sexual chemistry to be so hard to find. I think I might be on the demisexual spectrum, though, so that could explain it."
8."Every partner is absolutely different and makes you feel different things in different positions. My current partner made me realize that sex can truly be about deepening your connection, not just getting things over with. She is the best partner I've ever had, and I would never even think about cheating because I know that nobody else could come even close."
9."I was under the incorrect assumption that everyone did sex the same. This was many years before the internet and even naughty videos. It was quite a surprise to find out all the different ways people did it and what you could actually do with your dick."
10."She refused to let me look at her vagina while we had sex, and she was also on Zoloft, so no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn’t make her orgasm. It took two years of college hookups and relationships to be comfortable with opening my eyes after sex, and when I was with someone who wasn’t medicated and made her orgasm with just my hand, it definitely boosted my confidence."
11."My first boyfriend was fixated on acting out things he'd seen in porn, to the point where I didn't enjoy having sex with him at all, and I'm not sure he really enjoyed sex either. I eventually met someone else, and I tried sex again and was surprised to find out it could be good."
12."My first partner was a freak in the sheets. My wife is asexual, but she is my soulmate. In my opinion, love has overpowered sex."
13."I realized I got with someone relatively like my ex (who took my virginity) when I moved on. I’m assuming that’s because I have a type. When I first started dating my now-fiancé, who is similar to my ex, I was expecting the sex to be the same. That changed once I realized there are always going to be men freakier than others."
14."I lost my virginity to a very toxic partner at 17. When I got into a healthy relationship with a really great guy at 19, I realized that sex wasn’t transactional, it wasn’t a bargaining chip, and that it wasn’t what defined my worth. I learned I could say no any time I didn’t want to engage and that I was perfectly fine."
15."I dated a girl for three years. The first hookup after was with a girl who was 'good in bed.' She did all the fun stuff and did it all objectively well, but I realized it wasn't as good as the three years of knowing what someone else liked and them knowing what I liked. We hooked up a couple more times, and it did get a little better, but I realized how much better sex is when you really know someone."
16."She was a lot more experienced than me and really knew what she wanted; we dated for about six months. She told me what she wanted me to do to her, helped me explore myself a bit, and was quite dominant, I guess — sometimes I even felt like her prey. It was great! She was also a critical shithead, though."
"After that, I had a few partners where it felt much more boring — lack of feedback, less varied, etc. I wasn't used to taking the lead, really. And some were great as well, but never one that was like her in terms of assertiveness and being 'the boss.' I figured it out eventually and am married now, but I still miss that feeling of someone telling me exactly what they want right now and that sort of feeling of being there for her pleasure. Luckily, it doesn't matter that much since the wife is the most incredible person, and she is not a critical shithead."
And finally, this person shared just how incredible it can be when you choose to stay and learn each other better:
17."I stayed with them, and over the past 10 years, we are still finding ways to switch it up, and sex has only gotten better. It's the little things: Slightly different angles and positions make huge differences; changing up dirty talk and finding new things that turn us on. Some of the things we do would probably be really awkward and weird to try with a new partner, but being together so long, all we focus on is the feeling, and nothing seems weird."
If you want to share your story of how your perception of sex has changed since being with your first sexual partner, feel free to let me know in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.