How do you keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship

When you’re caught up in a whirlwind romance, everything feels exciting. Constant messaging, shared laughs, and that undeniable chemistry make it seem like love will last forever. But as the relationship matures and life’s stresses – like work pressures, health issues, and parenting responsibilities– kick in, it can be tough to maintain that same level of intimacy and passion.

The good news? There are plenty of fun strategies to keep the flame alive.

We spoke with Dr Martha Lee, a relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist from Eros Coaching, for her tips on sustaining the magic in your relationship.

Communication is key

First off, communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s essential to carve out time for open and honest chats with your partner about your feelings, needs, and desires. Don’t just hear them; really listen.

“Active listening and validating each other's perspectives strengthen trust and understanding,” Dr Lee says.

The little things matter

Many couples find themselves in a rut after tying the knot, but that doesn’t have to stay that way.

"Falling into a routine or rut after getting married is a common challenge for many couples, but it doesn't have to be the end of your love story,” Dr Lee says.

“By intentionally breaking free from the monotony, trying new things together and making a conscious effort to prioritise each other's happiness and wellbeing, you can shake up the status quo and rediscover the joy and excitement that brought you together in the first place," Dr Lee advises.

Keep the intimacy alive

It’s normal for sexual intimacy to ebb and flow in long-term relationships, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent dip.

"A decline in sexual intimacy or passion after marriage is a natural part of any long-term relationship, but it doesn't have to be permanent,” Dr Lee says.

“By openly discussing your feelings with your partner, exploring new ways to connect physically and emotionally, and prioritising intimacy as an essential component of your relationship, you can reignite the flames of passion and rediscover the joy of being truly intimate with the one you love."

She suggests setting aside time for intimate moments with your partner, whether it's cuddling on the couch, holding hands, or sharing affectionate gestures.

Show appreciation

Never underestimate the power of appreciation!

"Exploring new ways to show love and appreciation for your partner after marriage can help keep the romance alive and nurture a deeper sense of connection between you,” Dr Lee says.

Simple acts, like saying thank you or writing a heartfelt letter, can go a long way in strengthening your bond.

Dr Lee emphasises that exploring new ways to show love keeps the romance vibrant.

Be each other’s ally

Vulnerability is key to reigniting that spark.

"Embracing vulnerability and authenticity in your marriage can be a powerful catalyst for reigniting passion and deepening your connection with your partner,” Dr Lee says.

“By being willing to share your fears, desires, and insecurities with each other, you create a safe space for intimacy to flourish and for true emotional intimacy to blossom. Remember, true passion stems from the raw, unfiltered expression of your authentic selves in each other's presence."

Have fun together

Laughter is truly the best medicine, especially when it comes to relationships!

Dr Lee highlights that playfulness is a special formula for a happy marriage.

“Don't be afraid to let loose, be silly together, and find opportunities to infuse fun and lightheartedness into your everyday interactions – it's the secret ingredient to a happy and passionate marriage,” Dr Lee advises.

Practise forgiveness

No relationship is perfect, and conflicts and disagreements are inevitable.

When conflicts arise, practise forgiveness and let go of resentment and grudges. Communicate openly about your feelings and work together to resolve issues in a constructive and respectful manner.

By fostering a culture of forgiveness and understanding, you can overcome challenges and grow stronger as a couple.

Respect each other’s individuality

While nurturing your relationship is essential, it's also important to respect each other's individuality and independence.

Encourage your partner to pursue their interests and passions, and support them in their personal goals and aspirations.

Celebrating each other's uniqueness can strengthen your connection and keep the spark alive.

Invest in your relationship

Finally, maintaining the spark in your relationship requires ongoing effort and investment.

Take the time to attend workshops, read relationship books, or seek counselling together.

By sowing seeds of love and care into your relationship, you are bound to reap fruits of deep intimacy and fulfilment.

"In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be easy to let quality time with your partner fall by the wayside,” Dr Lee reminds.

“However, making a concerted effort to prioritise moments of connection amidst the demands of work, family and other responsibilities is essential for nurturing your relationship and keeping the flame of love burning bright. Remember, love is not just a feeling – it's a choice you make every day."