I thought we were just family. Then I realised I loved my cousin.

*Yvonne, a 32-year-old Singaporean woman, found love in an unexpected place: With her cousin. She currently lives and works in Melbourne, Australia, with her partner. The couple's relationship has progressed significantly, and they’re planning on getting married. She shares how they've overcome the social or cultural challenges associated with their relationship and how they’re striking a balance with their family.

I never imagined my love story would unfold in such a surprising way. Growing up, I envisioned a classic romance – falling in love, getting married, and starting a family. Yet, my journey with my partner, *Clement, has been anything but typical. In fact, our love story has faced unique challenges, especially since Clement is my cousin.

In fact, some of my family members will be quick to tell you that this relationship shouldn’t have even happened. Despite the fact that we’re not blood-related, our family can’t fathom the possibility of us being together.

Clement was adopted by my aunt when he was just a baby, a decision that not everyone in my family embraced. While my mum supported her sister's choice, many relatives worried about Clement’s integration into our family. My childhood was spent mostly in Australia, where I didn't have much interaction with him.

I’d see Clement occasionally when I made trips back to Singapore for the Lunar New Year or Christmas. Honestly, I didn’t think much about Clement. He mostly kept to himself or stuck to his parents during family gatherings. As he got older, he avoided going to extended family gatherings altogether. My aunt said he didn’t see the need to be close to them, especially when they didn’t regard him as one of us. His family continued to remain in contact with ours, and occasionally, in our immediate family group chat, my aunt would give updates about him. But it never crossed my mind that we could end up together.

When Clement moved to Australia for his university studies, my mum offered him a place to stay. I was surprisingly open to this arrangement, perhaps because the distance from my family made me less concerned about their opinions. I’ll never forget the feelings the moment I got when I saw him again after years apart. I felt an unexpected spark, which was extremely weird for me. He had grown taller and more athletic. He was a lot quieter than I remembered him to be as well, but he was quite similar to his mum in that sense. As the second-born daughter, my aunt usually kept to herself and didn’t bother too much with family politics. I guess she raised her son to be like that as well.

A few weeks after he moved in with us, I asked him if he wanted to go bowling with my friends and me. Clement and I are a year apart, and most of my friends and I intend to attend the same university he was already attending. I thought it would be nice to get to know each other. That night, I got to know Clement a bit better and realised that there was an undeniable chemistry between us. I think adopted children are often stereotyped as being problematic or have problems adjusting to social situations, but he was completely fine.

Initially, we bonded over family dinners and outings, and as we spent more time together, I found myself drawn to him in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I could also tell he was coming out of his shell a bit more each week. He opened up to us, telling us about his friends at school, his classes, and the projects he was working on. It felt nice that a part of our Singapore family was with us.

But I began to think of him not just as family, someone who could be more than that. This realisation was both thrilling and alarming.

Over time, I realised that I wanted to do more with Clement. I mean, we were already regularly hanging out regularly and messaging each other. I started to think of him as a partner, which was weird, considering that he was basically family. I didn’t quite understand why I felt this way. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about it either, so I kept it to myself. I was slightly relieved when he told me he had started dating someone else, believing it would help me suppress my feelings.

Since dating *Melody, Clement and I saw each other less. I’ll admit I was a bit sad that we stopped becoming as close, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I just felt like my feelings would eventually go away. I just doubled down on my studies and focused on getting into the university I wanted.

As the year was ending, I found out that I had gotten into the school I wanted, and I was thrilled that things were finally going right for me. To celebrate, my family went out for dinner. In the car on the way to dinner, Clement enveloped me in his arms to say congratulations and kept his arm around me the whole ride through. I immediately felt all my emotions for him coming back to me. That whole night, I wondered if he could have had feelings for me.

However, after his relationship ended, our dynamic shifted. I’m not sure what came over me but I asked him what he thought about us. We had a candid conversation about our feelings, acknowledging the complexity of our situation.

“But, we’re technically family,” he said. I knew he would say that because I was thinking the same thing. “I get it, but we’re not blood-related. Do you think we’d have a chance?” I asked. He didn’t answer immediately. I felt weird about revealing how I felt, but I felt it was necessary since I’ve felt this way for a while.

Despite the awkwardness, I knew we needed to navigate this new territory carefully. For a while, we both kept our distance, but life had other plans for us.

We’d hang out as per usual but avoided talking about feelings or anything deep with each other. In school, I’d sometimes see him with another girl, *Amanda, and I assumed that the two were dating. Even though he didn’t outrightly say no to us dating, I thought it was pretty clear that he wasn’t interested.

After some time, we stopped talking as much and spending a lot of time with each other. I honestly felt quite stupid telling him how I felt and I kept regretting even trying. It’s not like there was a possible future for us. As soon as our family finds out, they’re likely to think we’re crazy.

We went about our own ways for about a year or so. By this point, I was already settled in uni and he had about another year left before graduation. I also think at this point, I was sort of over the possibility that things could work between us. We were basically living separate lives.

I heard from my mum that he was planning to stay in Australia to work and live once he graduates but he’ll likely move to another city as well for better job opportunities. I was a little sad when I heard this. But I also realised that this meant that chapter of my life would be over once he leaves. I’ll finally get “closure”.

One evening, out of the blue, Clement asked me to watch a movie. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. He held my hand in the theatre, and all the feelings I had tried to bury came rushing back. We sat in the theatre, in silence while watching and holding hands through it all. I knew we had to talk about what this meant and how we would handle it with our families We decided to keep our relationship a secret for a while, allowing ourselves to explore this new bond without external pressures.

Over the next two years, our relationship deepened, and I felt like I was living a dream. But the thought of our families discovering the truth loomed over us. Eventually, it was time to confront our parents. I was very much aware that telling my parents about our relationship might hurt them. They might even abandon me.

We decided it might be best to tell my mother first since she was close to Clement’s mum. I remember telling her that I was dating Clement and things were getting serious between us. She was understandably shocked and wondered if he did anything to hurt me or push me into doing things that I was unhappy with. She was more worried that he had groomed me into being with him than us actually dating. In my mother’s eyes, while Clement was family, he wasn’t blood-related, so it’s not like anything we were doing was technically wrong. My conversation with my mother gave me the courage to tell my father.

While my mum was surprisingly supportive, my dad was less than pleased when he found out. He saw Clement as a brotherly figure for me and thought it was ridiculous that we would have ended up dating. I could understand why he felt this way, especially after he opened his home to this person. Thankfully, the conversation didn’t erupt into a huge fight. Instead, he calmly told us that we could do what we wanted, but he wouldn’t support it.

This painful conversation was seven years ago, and I feared the worst.

Initially, Clement and I did struggled with the tension. We felt truly alone when my parents didn’t talk to me for months, and his mother was far away. I did not speak to my father for almost two years. Whenever I visited home, my father would refuse to speak to me so my mother had to be the middle man for us. Deep down, I knew he still cared for me because he’d still make me some of my favourite dishes. Eventually, Clement also told his mum about our relationship, and she was fairly supportive. She did feel guilty that Clement had caused issues between my family and me but she was willing to talk to my dad so he’d come around.

She’s also advised us to keep it a secret from the rest of our family. We decided it made sense since they weren’t always fans of him anyway.

In front of my immediate family, Clement and I avoid doing any sort of public displays of affection, and we never call each other by our pet names either. We try to be respectful of our parents.

With Clement’s patience, he won my father’s approval.

As we prepare to get married, I reflect on how far we've come. While we’ve thought about returning to Singapore, we’ve decided to live in Australia and I cherish the family we’re building together. My relationship with Clement may be unconventional, but it's our story, filled with love, resilience, and the promise of a future together.