I was in a physically abusive relationship and stayed
Relate & Date: Five years have passed since I left a nightmare masquerading as my marriage. My ex-husband still attempts to manipulate me.
*Eliza recounts how she escaped her harrowing and abusive marriage from her former husband, *Zachary.
It’s been five years since I escaped what felt like a waking nightmare disguised as my marriage. My ex-husband, Zachary, still tries to manipulate me, and I want to share my story to empower other women facing similar struggles. If you’re caught in a toxic relationship, I hope my journey inspires you to find the courage to leave.
Zachary and I were friends for years before we started dating. To be honest, I wasn't deeply attracted to him, but I valued his companionship and feared being alone. After a while, when he proposed, I accepted, believing we could build a life together.
During the early days, Zachary was my confidante, supporting me through therapy as I healed from my troubled family dynamics.
If you’re caught in a toxic relationship, I hope my journey inspires you to find the courage to leave.
Once we moved in together, I thought I was making progress, but soon his controlling behaviour emerged. He belittled me with hurtful remarks, calling me overweight even when I was fit. I vividly remember exercising at home when he dismissed my efforts, saying I couldn’t lose weight through targeted workouts. His words cut deep, gradually chipping away at my confidence.
The emotional manipulation escalated. In social settings, he painted himself as the victim, making me seem like a drunkard in front of friends. When I confronted him, he’d gaslight me, turning my worries into jokes, making me doubt my own reality. Solo outings with friends became a minefield of guilt trips and endless texts. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, dreading his reaction if I was even a minute late.
My vibrant personality – a former debate champion and passionate pianist – slowly faded as I became consumed by his criticism. I believed I was worthless and adjusted my behaviour to meet his impossible standards. Even my gym visits, my only source of joy, were restricted because he feared I might meet someone who would help me break free.
Once we moved in together... his controlling behaviour emerged.
The physical abuse was minimal at first, but the emotional torment was brutal and relentless. With no visible physical scars, my pain went unnoticed, and our close friends sided with him, further isolating me. Despite my unhappiness, I remained trapped in the marriage for seven long years, feeling utterly dependent on him. I even resorted to buying weights to exercise at home, but he grew resentful of my efforts to reclaim my health.
One day, while I was running on the treadmill, he yanked out the power cord, sending me crashing down and fracturing my elbow. I was in complete shock and didn’t realise what was happening. This was the first time he had ever done anything like this before. Instead of rushing me to the hospital, he berated me for being too loud.
In that moment of pain, I reached out to my mother for help, even though she initially blamed me for upsetting him. I was heartbroken, but because I needed help, I dealt with all the nagging as she took me to the hospital.
With no visible physical scars, my pain went unnoticed.
At the hospital, the nurses asked about my injury. I laughed it off, fearing the repercussions of admitting the truth. I told them that my husband had accidentally unplugged the treadmill, and after laughing it away, they didn’t ask me any more questions. However, I knew I couldn’t hide forever.
Eighteen months into the marriage, I hit rock bottom. The abuse intensified, with incidents of him throwing weights at me and physically harming me without remorse.
The turning point came when I was punched in the face, needing stitches for the first time in my life. This harrowing experience sparked a resolve within me. I confided in the nurses about the abuse and showed them images of my past injuries. They immediately contacted a domestic violence hotline and the police.
When the social worker came, I gave them more information about my marriage with Zachary and said they’d keep in touch with me and continue to monitor the situation. I also told the police that I wanted to get a divorce finally, so I asked if they could stay with me when I delivered the news to Zachary because I was worried for my safety.
I knew I couldn’t hide forever.
With their help, I finally found the courage to ask for a divorce.
When I told Zachary I wanted out, he attempted to portray me as mentally unstable in front of the police. But with their presence, I felt empowered to pack my belongings and leave. I spent a few nights at a hotel while hiring a divorce lawyer. I was relieved to rely on my savings for my newfound freedom, but the fight wasn’t over.
I wanted the house because I had paid for it the most and was willing to pay him to leave it. While a personal protection order kept him from contacting me, he'd sneak in and steal things when I was out of the house, as if he was constantly watching my movements.
The divorce proceedings were messy. Guilt plagued me as I wondered if I should have tried harder to make things work. When I finally confided in my parents about the situation, they blamed me, claiming I was problematic. Despite their lack of support, I found the strength to cut ties with those who didn’t have my back.
Today, I’m rebuilding my life, free from Zachary’s control. While he may still linger in my past, I refuse to let him dictate my future. I’m sharing my story for anyone trapped in a similar situation. Seek help and confide in someone you trust. You are stronger than you know, and you deserve a life filled with love and happiness – free from anyone who tries to dim your light.
Stop domestic violence
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, seek help by contacting the National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline. You may call 1800-777-0000 or make an online report.
(*Names have been changed on request)
