Sex tips for busy people

You're finally earning a 6-digit salary, your career's on fast-track. It's tough but you're managing to squeeze in a 45-minute workout three times a week. You also ran your first marathon this year- and can't wait for the next.

In this dream scenario, fit in a forever blinking Blackberry, everyday pressures and a working wife (that = work stress x 2) an increasing number of urban Indian couples are losing their sex lives to ambition and success. Here's how you can avoid the trap...

Remember when you first had a steady girlfriend you couldn't keep your hands off? Your single mates envied your persistent public displays of affection and you'd gloat over those sneaky-quickies that followed. You hated parental restrictions for getting in the way of a five-minute under-the-shirt action and fantasised about a married life, minus the rules and packed with lust. You thought this lust would last forever, didn't you?

Now picture this reality. You're home from a 12-hour workday and an hour-long commute to find her on a conference-call, making throatslitting gestures to her absent boss while you collapse in an exhausted heap on the couch. Forget your favourite wine, you're seriously thinking about drinking a glass of milk every night, you've been told it'll help you sleep. Sex? Shudder- you're almost praying for her to have a headache!

It isn't an exaggeration to say the sex lives of urban couples is in crisis mode these days. Workplaces from hell, killer commutes, bills and loans, snarky colleagues and 24/7 cricket on ESPN, none of it is geared to make you feel sexy. You're not alone.

According to a recent survey in the US by the National Sleep Foundation, one in four Americans who're married/living with someone say they're mostly too tired to have sex. "I would even say it's an epidemic," said Peter Fraenkel, a New York-based couples therapist, in an interview to CBS's 48 Hours. Another survey reports that nearly half of all married couples in the US have sex only between once and thrice a month.

Yet, sex is a basic need and it's critical to a relationship-not to mention, it's a ton of fun! What you need, then, are ways to factor sex into your life without feeling you're ticking off another task on your bottomless to-do list. Start here!

1. Planning is underrated
Do you show up at airports without booking a flight? No. Leave hotel reservations on vacation to chance? No. Hell, do you show up at a client's without an appointment? Naah. Fact is, planning pays big dividends. Yet, when it comes to sex, planning is considered unexciting. What's really unexciting, however, is the 'spontaneous' sex you're never having but want to nonetheless.

You don't have to detail every aspect of your sex lives ahead of time, but figuring out with your partner how often you both ideally want sex, then working towards making time for it, is hardly rocket science. There's no right and wrong frequency, just what works for the two of you. "My wife and I have been married five years and recently we found we simply weren't getting it on for weeks.

She was tired or I was, or we had social commitments that exhausted us post-work. I panicked-I mean, I was barely 30 and it looked like my sex life was over! We talked it over and have made a zero-tolerance rule ever since-Friday nights are ours alone. We don't go to parties, events or anywhere else. The only time the rule is broken is if one of us is travelling on work, or if either's parents have anniversaries/birthdays," says Rohan Nadkarni, 31, a Mumbai-based commodities trader.

"Friends made fun of us in the beginning and there was whining when we didn't show up at a pal's dinner or birthday, but over time everyone respects our choice. We go out to dinner or grab takeaways together-sometimes we'll stay in and cook, talk, open a bottle of wine. It's just the perfect, low-stress way to start a weekend. And most Fridays, we're having sex! Sure, we know it ahead of time. But that only makes it better when, Friday evening I'm driving home from work and I know what the evening-and the whole night- has in store," he laughs.

Have kids? Make one day a week non-negotiable for the two of you, and ignore anyone who says otherwise. Kids who grow up with parents that act like a couple, not just 'mom-dad', are way likelier to have a positive view of relationships in the future.

Pagination

(3 Pages) | Read all

--

Did you know that you can get stories like this on the Yahoo mail app?
Download it here.
Loading...

Latest News