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Singaporean orphan raised by nuns: 'I didn't think people would understand'

YOUR LIFE: Every human being has a story to tell. In this series, Your Life features personal accounts by Singaporeans detailing their respective trials in life and their courage to face them.

Photo: Fam Jun Yong
Photo: Fam Jun Yong

My name is Fam Jun Yong and I am 23 years old. When I was born in 1994, my biological parents left me to two Buddhist nuns.

The nuns were already in their mid-fifties when they adopted me, and behaved more as mere guardians than foster parents. As a result, there was very little affection in the relationship. The generation gap might have also contributed to the sense of detachment I have with them.

Communication wasn’t easy as none of them spoke English, so we ended up speaking in dialect most of the time. Nevertheless, it was still hard to see eye to eye with them due to differing mindsets.

The nuns had also taken in my two other sisters who are now aged 24 and 26 respectively. We were possibly the last orphans adopted by the nuns, who are now approaching their seventies. Before the nuns took us in, they had taken care of other orphans too.

The nuns made sure we grew up well and were never strict with us. We were free to do anything we like and were not forced to adopt the same vegetarian diet as them.

They were able to raise us with the decent income earned from conducting rituals and rites work for occasions such funerals and housewarming events. As they themselves were raised by nuns to become nuns, it was all they knew to do. However, we were never forced to take on the same profession.

Growing up, very few people – including my teachers and classmates – knew that I was raised by nuns. When I was younger, I tended to keep things to myself and only revealed to people around me that I was adopted because that’s all I felt they needed to know. Furthermore, I find that my circumstances are too confusing for them. Even if I had tried to explain, I didn’t think they would understand.

Photo: Fam Jun Yong
Photo: Fam Jun Yong

When I was in primary six, a teacher called me to the front of the class to reprimand me over my schoolwork and for being a bad student. The teacher even said that it was probably due to the lack of parental guidance that had led me to become such a student.

“Look at this student, no father or mother, this is what will become of you,” she said in Mandarin.

The memory of that incident is still etched in my mind. Throughout my primary and secondary school education, everybody seemed to think that kids without parents will not end up anywhere in life.

Unfortunately, I decided to believe what they said. If they said that I’m a bad student, then a bad student is what I would be.

Looking back, that was perhaps not the right thing to do.

When I was in secondary school, one of my teachers managed to change my attitude after giving me a leadership role in a peer support group. Through that role, I gained a sense of responsibility to help others.

Photo: Fam Jun Yong
Photo: Fam Jun Yong

I am thankful for one of the teachers who shed a new light on my life. Michelle Teo, whom I met in primary school, helped me to open up and share more.

I am now a recruitment consultant who helps people get jobs, and live with my sisters and the nuns in a four-room HDB flat. We still visit the other nuns at the temple during special occasions such as Chinese New Year.

We also celebrate Hari Raya since the sister of one of the nuns is a Muslim convert.

The teacher’s kindness and goodwill allowed me to see that not everyone will think of me as a bad person. Even if they do, I don’t have to believe them.

So, even if I don’t know who my biological parents are, and was raised by nuns, it doesn’t change me.

I think that we should all believe in ourselves and not listen too much to what others say. They are not the ones who will be there to help you when you are in need. If you have people around you who offer good advice, take it and work on it. But, remember that it doesn’t have to change you.

Photo: Fam Jun Yong
Photo: Fam Jun Yong

Interview conducted by Kerene Ng

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