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The sort of fireworks seldom seen outside of a Rammstein jamboree

<span>Photograph: John Rogers/Getty Images</span>
Photograph: John Rogers/Getty Images

WIN OF CHANGE

The Fiver has no idea who this Derk Lassiker bloke is but apparently he’s going to be at Tuesday’s big match in Germany, which pits Bayern Munich against the butlers who occasionally nick their silverware, Borussia Dortmund. It’s a must-see clash, all right, so don’t forget to take your nearest and dearest for a cross-country spin beforehand to make sure your eyes are working well enough to watch the action.

Related: Der Klassiker returns with Bayern and Dortmund's rivalry perfectly poised | Andy Brassell

The Fiver has been doing its research in the usual manner so can reveal that the lads down The Glug for Inspiration reckon Dortmund have a real chance of doing a number on their aristocratic visitors. It’s not clear whether that just means keeping the score dignified – as opposed to the last three late-season league showdowns between the pair, which Bayern won 4-1, 6-0 and 5-0 – or actually winning the game and igniting a title race by closing the gap at the top of the table to one point. What is certain is that even if no fans will are allowed to attend, the combination of top talent, high stakes and grandmother-based barbs could produce the sort of fireworks seldom seen outside of a Rammstein jamboree.

Mind you, it’ll have to go some to surpass the entertainment of the sides’ 1999 tryst, a 2-2 draw, when Mary Shelley’s Oliver Kahn went all Harald Schumacher on one Dortmund attacker, Stéphane Chapuisat, before going all Hannibal Lecter on another, Heiko Herrlich. Now that was a classic!

“You don’t have to be a prophet to know we have to win if we are to have any chance of winning the title,” boomed Dortmund sporting director, Michael Zorc, ahead of Tuesday’s rumpus. “Yes,” Erling Haaland probably would have added if we’d asked. The young striker tends to do his best talking on the pitch, and if Bayern keep him quiet, they’ll be well on the way to title number 673.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Rob Smyth for piping hot MBM action of Dortmund 2-2 Bayern, which starts at 5.30pm BST, probably well after your trusty Fiver has landed in your inbox.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There would be rough periods but nothing could touch that inner core belief: I know I’m good and I know I can do great things. But that last spring at Chelsea really got to me deep down inside. I started to doubt myself for the first time” – Wolfsburg’s Hedvig Lindahl talks to Suzanne Wrack about the #TogetherAgainstCorona campaign and how she rediscovered her confidence to become one of the best goalkeepers in the world.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

The latest Football Weekly Extra pod is right here, while you can also get your ears around an Extra Extra special: the final instalment of Detective Wilson, an extract from Jamie Biddle’s novel, read by Max Rushden.

FIVER LETTERS

“If Serge Aurier wants to avoid a fine for this then perhaps he should just say he was just testing his eyesight?” – Noble Francis.

This (and the series it is part of) is excellent” – Tony Crawford.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tony Crawford.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING

It’s ya boy, David Squires, on England’s glorious triumphs in the (*checks notes*, ah) now defunct Anglo-Italian Cup.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Manchester City have paid tribute to Glyn Pardoe, who has died at the age of 73 after winning league and FA Cup medals with the club in the late 1960s. His grandson is City first-team squad member Tommy Doyle who called Pardoe “forever my hero”.

Rumours of the retirement of social media disgrace sensation Zlatan Ibrahimovic have been exaggerated. Big Zlat was feared to have suffered achilles knack in Milan training on Monday but it turns out to have been mere ankle gah.

Ole Gunnar Solskjær believes Paul Pogba and Marcus Rashford will be ready to play when the Premier League resumes. “They’re looking good, they’ve joined training now,” parped the Manchester United manager.

Fans of Espanyol and Leganés will get to see next season gratis, as season-ticket holders will be handed free passes to compensate for this season’s shutdown.

Bournemouth stopper Aaron Ramsdale has been confirmed as one of the two players who tested positive for coronavirus in the Premier League’s second round of tests.

Rennes striker M’Baye Niang has been fined €1500 for breaking French social distancing rules after being caught taking an extra-curricular trip to watch his horse Swetty Beauty win the 4.10 at Marseille.

STILL WANT MORE?

Barney Ronay quotes both Ulysees and Paul Merson during this deep dive into the meaning of the epic Argentina-England second round tussle at France 98.

Richard Preston revels in memories of Liverpool larruping Manchester United at Old Trafford in 2009 for our My Favourite Game series.

Kiss, kiss.
Kiss, kiss. Photograph: Andrew Yates/AFP/Getty Images

Richard Foster, and a certain Big Website podcaster, relive Cambridge’s route-one victory at Wembley in the first Wembley play-off final 30 years ago today.

Staying on a 90s nostalgia tip, Paul Doyle examines the achievements of Raymond Goethals, who led Marseille to Champions League glory in 1993 while having the odd brush with crime away from the pitch.

And on the anniversary of that famous night at Camp Nou, here’s our special quiz on Manchester United’s Big Cup triumph in 1999.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

THERE’S NO FOG!