Advertisement

My boyfriend dumped me then kept coming back for sex

How I was dumped is a Yahoo UK column in which anonymous writers share the shocking and heart-wrenching ways their relationship ended.

Claire*, 45, was devastated when her boyfriend of 10 years ended their relationship. But despite him falling in love with someone else, Nick*, 47, couldn’t stay away from her.

He ended their relationship after meeting a younger woman, but then played with her feelings. (Yahoo Life UK)
He ended their relationship after meeting a younger woman, but then played with her feelings. (Yahoo Life UK)

Nick was the love of my life. We’d got together in our late twenties and spent a decade together having amazing adventures. We both loved to travel, and had wonderful trips all over Asia and South America. Living together with our cats, I thought we’d be together forever.

The fact that I couldn’t have children didn’t seem to be an issue for us. I’d had cervical cancer in my mid-thirties, resulting in a hysterectomy. It was devastating initially, and I knew Nick would have been a fantastic dad. But on the other hand, my mum had died from cervical cancer and I felt lucky to be alive.

Gradually, I made peace with the fact that we’d never be parents. Nick accepted it too. "Let’s just enjoy our freedom," he said. "We’re lucky to have that."

This was a nod to our friends who were exhausted from sleepless nights and running around after toddlers. So, although we weren’t well off, we prioritised going away and having fun.

Losing my soulmate

As I have lots of nieces and nephews, they sort of filled the kiddie gap for us, and we loved spoiling them. I thought our lives were pretty much perfect when Nick came home from work one day and sat next to me on the sofa. He looked terrible – pale, drawn, so upset. I realised he was shaking. "What’s wrong?" I asked.

'I’m sorry,' he said. 'I’m leaving.' I was in shock – shaking and crying. We’d been together for 10 years. He'd been by my side throughout my illness.

"I’m sorry," he said. "I’m leaving." I was literally in shock – shaking and crying. We’d been together for 10 years. He’d been by my side throughout my illness and I thought we’d come through, stronger than ever.

"Is it because I can’t have children?" I asked. He swore it wasn’t. Then later that night it all came out that he was in love with someone else. Someone younger called Amy who he’d met at his running club. Nothing had happened, he insisted. But his feelings were overpowering and he couldn’t live with me when he felt this way.

I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth, but by then I just wanted him to get out. It was over with us and that was that.

Mixed messages

Only it wasn’t quite that because, even though he and Amy got together right away, he started dropping by to see me sometimes. At first, it was just friendly and I wondered if, actually, we could be friends. I missed him terribly. But a few visits on, it came out that still loved me and we ended up in bed.

Nick would appear out of the blue every few weeks and we’d sleep together. My heart was breaking. Nick was my soulmate and I loved him so much.

From then on, Nick would appear out of the blue every few weeks and we’d sleep together. My heart was breaking. Nick was my soulmate and I loved him so much.

Her ex then told her he'd made a terrible mistake, confusing her further. (Yahoo Life UK/Getty Images)
Her ex then told her he'd made a terrible mistake, confusing her further. (Yahoo Life UK/Getty Images)

Another bombshell

When he messaged me to break the news that Amy was pregnant, I’d kind of known it would happen. I kept him at bay for months – I couldn’t bear to see him. The final time Nick came over, all amorous with a bottle of wine, was after his daughter had been born. He said things weren’t working out with Amy, and that he’d made a terrible mistake – she never wanted to go anywhere or have fun, the way I had. But he was bowled over by his baby girl and thrilled to be a father.

Nick’s ideal set-up was to have me on tap whenever he wanted but also have his family life with a beautiful daughter at home.

Furious now, I told him to leave and never come back. Obviously, he’d been using me. Nick’s ideal set-up was to have me on tap whenever he wanted, and his family life with a beautiful daughter at home.

I ignored his texts until they finally petered out. I should have gone for a clean break from the start. However, we live in the kind of town where you bump into people, and occasionally I see Nick, Amy and their daughter out together.

I’ve heard through friends that their relationship is terrible, that he’s deeply unhappy and only sticking it out for their little girl. He could split up with Amy and come crying to me, and I wouldn’t want him now. I think he’s pathetic. He got to be a father, and if his life is miserable because of it, I have zero sympathy.

Meanwhile, I'm determined to move on with my life. One day I'll be open to meeting someone else, but for now, I'm happy just focussing on me and healing from the past.

Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.