Successful in her own right, Michelle Obama says it’s okay to not ‘have it all’
KUALA LUMPUR, Dec 12 — The often popular mantra of “having it all” is unnecessary.
Instead, former First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama said that living by that motto is selfish.
“It’s become an interesting mantra particularly of women. It’s stupid. No one has it all. And why should we?” she said during the plenary session at the Obama Foundation Leaders: Asia-Pacific Programme with Oscar-winning actress Julia Roberts that was also live-streamed on the foundation’s website.
It was moderated by former Miss Malaysia World and Fugee School co-founder Deborah Henry.
The programme is a one-year leadership development programme that seeks to inspire, empower and connect emerging leaders from across the Asia-Pacific region.
“Some people think they should have it all, but in doing so a lot of people won’t have anything. You are not supposed to have it all,” she said.
Instead, Obama said what women fought for was choice and some of the choices that they make were frowned upon such as deciding to stay at home to raise a family or to be a successful career woman.
“I came to the realisation that trying to have it all drives you crazy. There was no joy. We have to define that for ourselves. Keep the ‘all’ thing out of the mix,” she added.
Obama also said that during her time at the White House, she only worked three days a week fulfilling her duties as First Lady.
This was to ensure that she could still raise her two daughters.
“It seemed like I was doing a lot. But it was those three days that you get it all done. Once I take those lashes off, don’t even ask me to come downstairs. I worked upstairs.”
She added that on the days when she was not at work would be spent on activities with her children such as going for football.
“But on those three days, we hustled. I worked from 6am to midnight. It was a balance I found and a lot got done in three days. I was more organised and focused,” she said.
Obama has written extensively in her biography Becoming on her life to being both a successful career woman and mother.
She attended both the universities of Princeton and Harvard and became a lawyer where she met and mentored former US president Barack Obama.
They married and have two daughters.
She held positions in the Chicago city government, was executive director for the Chicago office of Public Allies, became associate dean of student services at the University of Chicago and was also vice president for community and external affairs at the University of Chicago Hospitals.
During the session, she also spoke of her initial way of living as a “box checker”, which meant having a list of things to accomplish or do.
“I got to the end to the check box rainbow and there was no pot of gold,” she said relating that she grew up in a working class family in south side Chicago.
“I was a smart kid with ambition. I needed to get good grades, I needed to be good at school. To be something,” she said.
She added that she started being happy when she started working with a non-profit organisation.
“I made less money and I think that disturbed my mother, but I was happy.
“I felt purposeful because it made sense to me. Mentoring, helping young people see the bigger view that I saw.”
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