20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (June 4 -10)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
The walk of shame, but it's my husband finally bringing all the dirty dishes and cups that have accumulated on his desk the past few days into the kitchen.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 5, 2024
The walk of shame, but it's my husband finally bringing all the dirty dishes and cups that have accumulated on his desk the past few days into the kitchen.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 5, 2024 ">
My wife’s sole purpose in life is to make sure I wake up every morning freezing with no covers sleeping in a fetal position.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) June 7, 2024
My wife’s sole purpose in life is to make sure I wake up every morning freezing with no covers sleeping in a fetal position.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) June 7, 2024 ">
Life with a man, in two sentences: pic.twitter.com/Umov9Wm6jN
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 7, 2024
Life with a man, in two sentences: pic.twitter.com/Umov9Wm6jN
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 7, 2024 ">
Me [taking a sip]: This beer is good.
Wife: It’s 11% alcohol by volume.
Me [taking another sip]: EMELVEN PERCHENT?!— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 8, 2024
Me [taking a sip]: This beer is good.
Wife: It’s 11% alcohol by volume.
Me [taking another sip]: EMELVEN PERCHENT?!
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 8, 2024 ">
Wife: It’s 11% alcohol by volume.
Me [taking another sip]: EMELVEN PERCHENT?!
Today my friend who cuts my hair told me last year my husband walked in to the salon one afternoon and said "I want to dye my hair blonde but I don't want to look like I'm going through a personal crisis. Do you think we can accomplish that?"
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 7, 2024
Today my friend who cuts my hair told me last year my husband walked in to the salon one afternoon and said "I want to dye my hair blonde but I don't want to look like I'm going through a personal crisis. Do you think we can accomplish that?"
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 7, 2024 ">
Rolling my eyes and whispering "Drama" every time my husband sneezes
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 6, 2024
Rolling my eyes and whispering "Drama" every time my husband sneezes
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 6, 2024 ">
Walked in the living room to see my wife had the couch apart and mopping the windowsills so if anyone needs me I’ll be out in the barn avoiding that storm.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) June 7, 2024
Walked in the living room to see my wife had the couch apart and mopping the windowsills so if anyone needs me I’ll be out in the barn avoiding that storm.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) June 7, 2024 ">
Size matters folks. My wife got pissed of with me because I got her the thin spaghetti rather than the regular spaghetti.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 7, 2024
Size matters folks. My wife got pissed of with me because I got her the thin spaghetti rather than the regular spaghetti.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 7, 2024 ">
Husband: Where should I park?
Me: I don’t care. Just pick a spot.
Also me: Why did you choose that spot?— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 7, 2024
Husband: Where should I park?
Me: I don’t care. Just pick a spot.
Also me: Why did you choose that spot?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 7, 2024 ">
Me: I don’t care. Just pick a spot.
Also me: Why did you choose that spot?
Waiting for my wife to wake up so we can process the argument we had in my dream last night. Happy Pride!
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) June 4, 2024
Waiting for my wife to wake up so we can process the argument we had in my dream last night. Happy Pride!
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) June 4, 2024 ">
My plans? I'm about to sit next to my wife and ask her dozens of questions about the show she's watching
— Robo Justin (now running Windows 95!) (@justinmatic5000) June 6, 2024
My plans? I'm about to sit next to my wife and ask her dozens of questions about the show she's watching
— Robo Justin (now running Windows 95!) (@justinmatic5000) June 6, 2024 ">
My kids have been watching 90s sitcoms and now every time me and my husband kiss they go "ooooOOOOOOHHH!!" and clap
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 5, 2024
My kids have been watching 90s sitcoms and now every time me and my husband kiss they go "ooooOOOOOOHHH!!" and clap
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 5, 2024 ">
Me: *lying face down on the bed in my underwear*
Husband: you look like a centerfold for depression magazine— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) June 4, 2024
Me: *lying face down on the bed in my underwear*
Husband: you look like a centerfold for depression magazine
— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) June 4, 2024 ">
Husband: you look like a centerfold for depression magazine
Me: Babe if you see any cat whiskers that have fallen out save them for me
Wife: Why
Me: For my art— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) June 4, 2024
Me: Babe if you see any cat whiskers that have fallen out save them for me
Wife: Why
Me: For my art
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) June 4, 2024 ">
Wife: Why
Me: For my art
6yo: How did you get mommy to date you?
Me: Because I’m charming.
6yo: Oh really? She said it was because you were the least annoying.— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 5, 2024
6yo: How did you get mommy to date you?
Me: Because I’m charming.
6yo: Oh really? She said it was because you were the least annoying.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 5, 2024 ">
Me: Because I’m charming.
6yo: Oh really? She said it was because you were the least annoying.
in spite of how it looks, I don't purposely do things wrong so that you stop asking me to do them
...and other things I tell my wife that she doesn't believe— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 6, 2024
in spite of how it looks, I don't purposely do things wrong so that you stop asking me to do them
...and other things I tell my wife that she doesn't believe
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 6, 2024 ">
...and other things I tell my wife that she doesn't believe
Me: Oh my god look at these giant flying venomous spiders that are on the way to New York.
My wife: I absolutely will not.— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) June 5, 2024
Me: Oh my god look at these giant flying venomous spiders that are on the way to New York.
My wife: I absolutely will not.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) June 5, 2024 ">
My wife: I absolutely will not.
Unloaded the dishwasher today and just wanted to mention it on here as well in case my wife didn’t hear me talk about it all day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 5, 2024
Unloaded the dishwasher today and just wanted to mention it on here as well in case my wife didn’t hear me talk about it all day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 5, 2024 ">
My husband just walked into the room and said "do I look extra gay today?" so I said "um . . . sure?" and he said "yessss" and then left for work and I still don't know what that was about but I'm happy I passed.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 5, 2024
My husband just walked into the room and said "do I look extra gay today?" so I said "um . . . sure?" and he said "yessss" and then left for work and I still don't know what that was about but I'm happy I passed.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 5, 2024 ">
Wife (to kids): “Okay? You think Dead Poets Society is merely okay? How dare you! It’s one of the greatest movies of all time!”
Me (to wife): “Now you know how I felt after I showed you Evil Dead II.”— Benjamin Percy (@Benjamin_Percy) June 6, 2024
Wife (to kids): “Okay? You think Dead Poets Society is merely okay? How dare you! It’s one of the greatest movies of all time!”
Me (to wife): “Now you know how I felt after I showed you Evil Dead II.”
— Benjamin Percy (@Benjamin_Percy) June 6, 2024 ">
Me (to wife): “Now you know how I felt after I showed you Evil Dead II.”
