37 Bizarre Valentine's Day Gifts That Will Woo The Weirdo In Your Life
Songwriters have long described love in many ways: “crazy,” a “many-splendored thing,” “pain,” “a losing game” and, of course, “strange.”
But no one has ever said love was “normal,” so why should your Valentine’s Day gifts be?
HuffPost Weird News has scoured the world looking for romantic gift ideas that reflect the weirdness that probably made your Valentine stick out to you from all the, ugh, normies.
Trust us: Nothing says love like sexy Cupid costumes, E.T.-shaped vibrators or cream-filled beavers.
HalloweenCostumes.com
Bouquet Of Roses Sandwich Board
Sure, you could give your Valentine a bouquet of roses. OR you could just turn yourself into a bouquet by wearing a sandwich board. The decision seems obvious.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
Shinesty.com
Underwear With QR Code That Links To Sexy Playlist
Sure, sexy underwear gets people in the mood for love, but these ball-hammock-pouch underwear add to the romantic atmosphere in a very sound way. The underwear pattern is actually a QR code that links to a romantic playlist when scanned.
Sergey Tokarev - stock.adobe.com for SCS Direct
Titanic Door Raft
Think of all the role-playing fun you and your Valentine will have reenacting the final scene of "Titanic" on a raft made to look like the famous door. Will Rose save Jack this time?
HalloweenCostumes.com
Naughty Cupid Costume
Wear this naughty Cupid costume on Valentine's Day and it won't just be arrows pointing at you.
Get it at HalloweenCostumes.com
HiFreya.com
Combination Razor And Vibrator
A razor that doubles as a vibrator? Now that's cutting edge!
LexiLunaDoll.com/
Lexi Luna Sex Doll
Sure, arranging a date with porn star Lexi Luna would be a great Valentine's Day gift for anyone. But she's probably busy on the nights you're planning. Not to worry because you can purchase this sex doll of the adult performer and keep it around the house.
GoodVibes.com
Cum Face Duel Pump Action Penis Game
Looking for an activity that will get your Valentine pumped? How about a party game in which players try to out-pump the other in order to see who makes their plastic penis erupt first? I thought so.
CockuterieBoards.com/pages/gallery
Penis-Shaped Charcuterie Board
You may think this sounds nutty, but this penis-shaped charcuterie board is sure to arouse attention from your Valentine.
Get it at CockuterieBoards.com
UrbanStems.com
This Bud's For You Gift Set
Some people like flower buds, others prefer Budweiser. With this gift set, everyone's happy!
FansUtopia.com
Porn Film Scripts Autographed By Adult Star Siri Dahl
Looking for some sexy reading material for your Valentine? Well, you could get them a script from a classic porn film like "Accidental Double-Date," "The Yes List" or "Steam Bath Switch" that is autographed by star Siri Dahl.
Shinesty.com
Underwear That Shows Teddy Bears Humping
Surely, there is no underwear pattern sexier than one that shows teddy bears in various acts of physical pleasure. Yes, I'm willing to die on that hill.
3Wishes.com
Sexy Cupid Costume
Granted, this is definitely a sexy Cupid costume, and it's sure to make your Valentine quiver -- no arrows necessary.
LiquorWhaaat.com/
Cream-Filled Beavers
Look: Your Valentine is either into cream-filled beavers or they aren't. These beavers come with two types of cream filling: Rum truffle and Champagne creme. Damn.
GoodVibes.com
Vibrating Love Hamma
Think of how excited your Valentine will be when you take this vibrator from your tool chest and say, "It's hamma time!"
GPBakeshop.ca/
Pussy Pops
A lollipop in the shape of a woman's sex organ might not seem to be in good taste, but it sure tastes good.
William Ewart for Get.TheSnorinator.com/
Snore-Reducing Pillow
Sure, flowers and candy are great Valentine's Day gifts -- especially in the early throes of the relationship. However, established couple know it's the little things that count in love -- such as purposely using a pillow designed to reduce snoring.
Get it at GetTheSnorinator.com
SingleMarrieddDvorced.com/
Single, Married and Divorced Wines
Relationships can drive you to drink, no matter your relationship status. Luckily, this wine company makes it easy with bottles made for those who are "Single," "Married" or "Divorced."
Get it at SingleMarriedDivorce.com
TipsyBrand.com/
Wine Bottle That Looks Suspiciously Like A Sex Organ
Sure, wine is a sexy drink, but most bottles lack sex appeal. That's not the case with this wine bottle, which looks suspiciously like the male sex organ.
https://www.holisticwisdom.com/products/earl-24k-gold-anal-plug
Gold-Plated Prostate Massager
If your Valentine enjoys both anal pleasure and luxury, a gold-plated $2,500 prostate massager is the way to go -- no ifs or ands but definitely a butt about it.
Fun.com
Fleece Blanket Of X-Men Making Out
If your Valentine's sexual fantasies involve the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then they will find this fleece blanket of X-Men members Rogue and Gambit making out really hot.
BoutiqueVoila.com
Grenade-Shaped Male Vibrator
Looking for a penis vibrator for your Valentine? This one shaped like a grenade is truly the bomb.
ShopCannaStyle.com
Rose Bottle Bong
Sure, wine is divine, but a bong made from a wine bottle will surely light your Valentine's heart on fire.
TheAdultToyShop.com
Extra Finger Dildo
There's something unique about this dildo. I just can't put my finger on it.
FunBoy.com
Heart-Shaped Splash Pool
Wading into romance can be daunting, but it's a lot easier when you're jumping into a heart-shaped splash pool.
BoutiqueVoila.com
Alien Sex Toy
Does your Valentine find sex toys alienating? Well, maybe they will find a little something extra(terrestrial) with a vibrator shaped like an E.T.
TwoPlusFertility.com
Fertility Applicator
You know the old poem: "First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes Mary with the fertility applicator."
No, it doesn't rhyme.
Get it at TwoPlusFertility.com
Kyle Bebeau for SmokeBreak.Live/
Pot Nugget Pillow
Everything is going to pot these days -- even pillows!
Sideshow.com
Spider-Man And Mary Jane Sculpture
Just being able to open yourself to another person emotionally is a heroic act. This collectible statue of Spider-Man and Mary Jane will remind your Valentine that great romance comes with great responsibility.
HolisticWisdom.com
Rose-Shaped Suction Vibrator
Roses are undeniably beautiful, but they don't last long and they make lousy sex toys -- oh, the thorns!
This rose-shaped suction vibrator manages to convey the beauty of the flower while giving a little something extra.
PapersAndInk.com/
Romantic Rolling Papers
Does the thought of expressing your true emotions to your Valentine get you all out of joint? Maybe it's better if you say those loving thoughts using these romantic rolling papers.
NaughtyNudes.store/
Naughty Nudes Coloring Book
Your Valentine will be tickled pink to receive a coloring book that is really "blue."
OffensiveCrayons.com
Offensive Crayons
So you decided to get your Valentine that naughty coloring book. Well, now you should pair it with some properly kinky crayons.
Get it at OffensiveCrayons.com
OhLavinia.com
Cannabis Sex Lube
Using a cannabis sex lube with your Valentine might just might add some THC to your love life: Titillating Hot Copulation.
Siligrams.com/
Heart-Themed Custom Ice Cubes
Sometimes it's easier to express yourself with ice cubes than words. When that happens, these silicone ice cube molds are there to help you get your heartfelt message across.
JellyBellySparklingWater.com
Chocolate Sparkling Water
If your Valentine is sweet on chocolate but not so much sugar or solid food, they will probably find this Jelly Belly Chocolate Sparkling Water to their taste.
Slrrrp.com/
Pre-Made Gelatin Shots
Drinks and dessert sound like a fun Valentine's Day option, but if you're short on time, combine them in the form of pre-made gelatin shots.
VickiesGifts.net
Lip-Shaped Bath Bomb
If a warm bath is your Valentine's idea of bliss, this lip-shaped bath bomb will truly be the bomb.
