Actress Xixi Lim on how being plus-sized affects relationships

The Singapore actress-host also talked about not being a 'trophy girlfriend' and a person she dated in her past who liked her but not enough to 'love her'.

Local host-actress Xixi Lim recalls dating a guy who couldn’t bring himself to admit she was his girlfriend. (Photo: Instagram/xixilimofficial)
Local host-actress Xixi Lim recalls dating a guy who couldn’t bring himself to admit she was his girlfriend. (Photo: Instagram/xixilimofficial)

It’s already tough to go through life trying to shield yourself from the judgment of others, especially where looks are concerned. It's even more difficult when someone we care for ends up being the person we have to protect ourselves from.

That’s what local host Xixi Lim went through, and that incident has stayed with her.

Lim, 35, has "always been plus-sized my entire life" and when she was younger, she wanted to be “that girl with my dream guy” and have that “romantic relationship”.

And, when she was in her early 20s, she was dating this guy whom she thought was “true love”. He was “not super good-looking, but decent looking” and was also of a leaner build.

“I thought that that is true love,” she told Yahoo Southeast Asia in an exclusive interview on Monday (26 Sept).. “Because he's very nice to me whenever we are having our alone time and whatnot.

“But I realised one thing, he never introduced me to his family or his friends. He never really enjoyed going out with me as well.

“It's always like, you know, hanging at my place or his place, or probably just going to the movies, and then we will go back home. We will just da bao [food] home and eat - that kind of relationship.”

'Not his trophy girlfriend'

At that time, the comedian thought he probably just enjoyed their alone time together. However, a chance encounter with his friends while on a movie date opened her eyes to the reality.

“We were holding hands and we bumped into two of his friends. He let go of my hand immediately,” she recalled, adding that she finally understood why he didn’t want to be out and about with her or go shopping like other couples normally do.

Lim added, “I'm not his trophy girlfriend, so he didn't want to parade me around. I will say that he liked me, but he didn’t love me enough to show his friends that hey, this is my girlfriend. I guess we were all too young.”

The actress initiated the break-up in a “non-dramatic way” and spoke to him about how she felt regarding the incident. According to her, the guy also admitted that he couldn’t get past his own hurdle to admit to others that Lim was his girlfriend.

She said, “I felt at that moment that he really liked me. I wouldn't use the word love because I still think that we were too young to use that. It’s just that he’s not proud enough to show that this is my girlfriend.

“So if he himself cannot stand firm on both feet to say that this is my girlfriend, I guess then that's not enough.”

Dating scene in Singapore

When asked if she feels that the dating scene is superficial, Lim answered in the affirmative and said it has always been so.

“It's just that the way we view perfection or beauty continues to improve throughout the years,” she added. “Like I mentioned, beauty is very subjective. I can be ugly to you, but I can be really pretty to another person.”

Lim also explained that people have the mentality that “if you look a certain way, you should pair with this certain guy” and you will be judged based on your looks “because they don’t know who you are”.

She shared, “Now I'm in this media industry, more people are starting to know who is Xixi. They're more accepting of, you know, my size, my look. But if I travel overseas, people are still very judgy on my physique and everything… I guess we really cannot change how people want to view things.”

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