Sex education can help fix baby dumping issue

By Ivy Josiah

The following numbers reveal a crisis about baby-dumping in Malaysia:

• 517 cases reported between 2005 and January 2011, an average of 100 annually.
  

• 103 cases baby-dumping reported nationwide in 2014.
  

• 46 women were convicted for abandoning their babies between 2011 and 2013.
  

• 87 cases of baby-dumping reported as of September in 2015.

What these numbers really reveal however is a cry for help. Facing an unwanted pregnancy alone is frightening layered with feelings of guilt and self-deprecation.

The statistics also reveal the power dynamics between women and men in our society; it takes two people to make a baby, however, only one is left to carry the baby and bear the responsibility.

Women have shared in the past that their boyfriends threaten to leave them if they refuse sex or when asked to use a condom.

When talking to young women with unwanted pregnancies, their stories range from being drugged and raped to consensual sex. Then there are the stories of rape by a father, uncle or brother – basically a “trusted” male relative.

In most cases, there is ignorance about reproductive health, family planning and the use of condoms. Women have told us too that often times, especially in an abusive relationship, the men refused to use condoms.

At a workshop recently where women were shown how to use a condom, one commented: “Why are you teaching us to use the condom? Shouldn’t you be teaching men?”

Granted, many men do take responsibility by either offering marriage or money for abortion or delivery costs, but unfortunately, too many of them walk away.

I once met a woman in prison who went to the police to seek help to locate the missing father of her child. Instead, she was reported to religious authorities for being single and pregnant.

Punitive responses like these will only drive women to conceal and resort to the abandoning of the infant. Thankfully, many welfare agencies have responded without judgment and found proper homes for girls and women to give birth. But many do not have access or are unaware of this support.

What makes a man leave his pregnant girlfriend even though he has participated in conceiving a child?

Media imagery, for one, contributes to this. Often, on film or television, we hear a man brag that he does not now how many children he may have fathered given his sexual prowess! Similarly, violence against women is often trivialised and women are portrayed as sex toys for the pleasure of men.

Society idolises male promiscuity and philanderers – he is a stud while she is a slut. Just think about the James Bond movies. In this images, male “whores” are celebrated but a woman who has “lost” her virginity is seen as being “easy” and therefore, not worthy. Sometimes, she is punished either socially or by law.

These double standards in our society further drive women to hide their pregnancy, as they fear repercussions.

When we normalise the message that males are entitled to sex, allow for polygamy, or socially accept that married men can get away with having girlfriends, we are actually sanctioning bad behaviour and as such, allow men to be irresponsible and walk away.

In 2009, Malaysia introduced the National Policy and Plan of Action on Reproductive Health and Social Equation. Critics have pointed out that these school programmes are mainly a lecture on abstinence and does not deal with sexuality, gender equality and power dynamics in male -female relationships.

The fact that the word sex is nowhere to be seen in the long title of the programme says a lot.

Teaching abstinence alone does not work. In the US, studies have shown that 80% of sex education programmes that address gender and power lowered rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease.

The present syllabus available in our government schools does not address why boys and men can call the shots and make demands of women’s bodies. Boys should learn and be illuminated about gender equality, respect for girls, women’s rights, male privilege, sexual harassment, what it means to be a good man, empathy and kindness.

Girls should discover gender equality, self-respect, women’s rights, and assertiveness, and dismiss demands from their boyfriend who want proof of their love by agreeing to have sex.

Both sexes should be encouraged to have discussions and think critically about gender stereotypes, objectification of women and how everyday sexism all around us influences our sexual behaviour.

Clearly it has to start from young for both boys and girls. It is especially important for girls to learn to identify and distinguish between healthy and abusive relationships.

Teachers in the classroom must provide medically accurate information, about contraception and condoms, when discussing the joys and challenges of being a girl or a boy. At present, few – if any – teachers discuss or show condoms in school.

Central to any reproductive health education – also known as sex education – is self-empowerment of young people to make healthy choices.

Ivy Josiah was formerly Executive Director of Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO), one of Malaysia’s leading women’s rights organisations. She is currently WAO’s fundraiser and host of the web-based talk show, The IvyGram.