Billie Eilish hates herself when she's in love
Billie Eilish "hates" the person she becomes when she's in love.
The 22-year-old pop star - who split from fellow musician Jesse Rutherford last year - has opened up about her personal life in a candid new interview with singer Lana Del Rey confessing she feels uncomfortable being "vulnerable" when she's fallen for someone romantically because she has "a power issue and a control issue".
Grilling Billie for Interview magazine, Lana asked her: "When one of your romantic relationships ends, do you think you leave them with a thousand questions? Or do they leave you with a thousand questions? Or is it split 50-50? Is it more dangerous to fall in love with you? Or is it more dangerous for you to fall in love?”
Billie then replied: "Big question, Lana. I don’t even know. I think 50-50 is probably accurate. I literally hate who I am so much when I’m in love ...
"[I struggle with] being vulnerable in a romantic way. I really don’t like being - I was going to say out of control, but there’s ways that I do like being out of control.
"I have a power issue and a control issue, and I also don’t like being vulnerable in a romantic way. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t know how many times I’ve really been in love. I think there’s different versions of love, and I think that you can be in love and it might not be deep."
Billie went on to explain she doesn't like expressing her feelings - even in her songs - because she doesn't want people to think she's complaining.
She added: "It’s interesting to be a person who isn’t an outwardly sensitive complainer. A lot of moments on this album are about situations where I was like, ‘I’d rather be tortured inside but have somebody think that I’m cool, than have somebody think that I’m hysterical and actually express my feelings.’
"So many songs on this album reflect that realisation of, like, ‘Maybe I’m obsessed with the idea of nonchalance'.
"I would rather suffer in silence than tell you something’s bothering me and have you think I’m sensitive."
It comes after Billie recently revealed she was "ghosted" by someone she was dating as he completely cut all contact with her without any explanation.
Appearing on the BBC podcast 'Miss Me?', she told hosts Lily Allen and Miquita Oliver: "It was literally unbelievable. To this day, [he] never texted me again.
"I was like, did you die? Did you literally die?'"
She continued: "It was somebody that I’d also known for years and had a plan, the day of, on the phone, making a plan, this is my address, be there at 3pm - never heard from him again. Ever. I couldn’t believe it."
It turned out, he was lying to her. On finding out he was with someone else, she added: "And I was like ‘oh’. But I didn’t know people still did that. I genuinely didn’t know people did that."
