How to Build a Feminist Library For Your Baby
It was bedtime and I was reading "The Story of Ruby Bridges" to my almost 3-year-old daughter Satya. She was wiggling and squirming, picking things out of places I would rather not mention. A little frustrated-like, hello, little toddler, don't you see me totally killing this parenting thing right now?-I let her have it, "Satya, if you don't want to listen to mama, I can just stop reading." She sat back down. The kid loves story time.
And while I wasn't convinced anything even remotely meaningful was happening, I kept going. We do two books a night before bed and, if nothing else, I like being able to squish, side by side, into our cozy reading rocking chair.
A few days later, when I picked her up from school, Satya said, totally unprompted: "When I was praying to my God…" and I froze. What? Praying? Her God? Who was this child whom, despite her adorable exterior, has been known to have some pretty intense demonic tendencies. She continued, "...like Ruby Bridges."
And there it was. The little nose picker was paying attention the whole time.
"Never assume that just because [kids] are not responding in the moment or reacting in the way that you think they should be reacting, that they're not taking it in," Dr. Yamalis Diaz a clinical assistant professor, Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the Child Study Center at NYU Langone Medical Center tells Elle.com. "Parents often want a reaction that sounds and looks like kids are really getting it and they almost never get that. But that doesn't mean that the kiddo is not taking it in and genuinely isn't going to work with that value. It just means that they are not giving you what you are looking for in that moment."
Guilty. Here I was, exhausted from work and the gym and all the annoying life stuff, that I was looking for my toddler to listen to the story, look me in the face and make me feel like I was a good mom, saying, perhaps, something like: "Thanks, Mama. What an inspiring tale of a tough little girl who was put in a difficult situation and showed the world, through her actions, her strength and grit. I love learning about civil rights. And, did I mention how fit you look?"
Or not.
The truth is, I just wanted to share Ruby's story with Satya because she's going to be in plenty of tough situations too. And I'm hoping that with these kinds of examples of girls and women who think differently, problem solve and act with both conviction and kindness, Satya's own problem solving arsenal will develop. Same goes for sassy pigs like Ian Falconer's Olivia, a feminist by any measure.
My goal is that with the right examples-Malala, Rose Parks, or Ruth Bader Ginsberg (whom Satya calls Ruth Bagel Wonderwoman)-my daughter will make the connections between their challenges and her own. That somehow, without having to talk about it all the time, the girl power will be built in. So my husband and I have curated a little library around the types of stories that won't just teach her, but will also entertain, excite, and inspire her. Here's a peek into our bookshelf―powerful titles about powerful ladies that pack a big punch.
Shoe-la-la by Karen Beaumont and Leuyen Pham
Don't judge this book by its cover: Emily, Ashley, Caitlin, and Claire start off their play date with a trip to the shoe store. But the savvy sole sisters know that when you can't find exactly what you want, you don't have to settle-with a little creativity and some help from your friends, you can just do it yourself! With simple rhymes and adorable illustrations, the lessons in teamwork, fashion, and function are light and just right. (Extra points for the fab foursome who reject shoes that hurt their toes-a valuable lesson for mamas and their little ladies.)
The Story of Rosa Parks by Patricia A. Pingry and Steven Walker
In about 200 words, Rosa Parks' important story is easily digestible for the toddler and preschool set in this quick-read version. The tale is simplified for short attention spans, but it hits an important note: Sometimes, like Rosa, when you recognize something is wrong, you take a stand. Or a seat.
A is for Activist by Innosanto Nagara
According to these progressive ABC's, A is for Activist and F is for Feminist. The letters are an easy-peezy intro to social justice concepts and human rights. Take the L page: "L-G-B-T-Q! Love who you choose, 'cuz love is true! Liberate your notions of limited emotions. Celebrate with pride, our links of devotion." Younger kids will enjoy spotting the black cat who pops up on all the pages, while older kids will want to talk through some of the ideas. (Note: Google "Zapatista" before getting to the Z page to prepare for the inevitable, "What's that?")
This Little President: A Presidential Primer by Joan Holub and Daniel Roode
The only girl in this book is Abigail Adams, clad in a pink bonnet and skirt, holding John Adams' arm. If that isn't a reason to read this book to our little girls-and remind them that all this could change soon-well, then I don't know what is. There's an open spot on the last page-next to President Obama-that would be fun to fill in with a little headshot of your future POTUS.
Padmini is Powerful by Amy Maranville
With her glasses, braids and sneakers, Padmini is dressed for adventure. She's wise, creative, and kind, just like the Hindu deities she encounters in the book. There's not much of a story here-just Padmini, in regular kiddie scenarios like stacking blocks (she can focus like Shiva!) or sharing a milkshake with a squirrel (generous like Lakshmi!). It's simple stuff, but a sweet reminder that all little girls have goddess potential.
DC Comics My First Book of Girl Power
Girl power comes in a lot of shapes and sizes, from Supreme Court Justices (RBG! RBG!) to civil rights activists and potential Presidents. But there's something extra special about a cape and some magic bracelets. Title aside, the first sentence of the book is a worthwhile mantra: "Girls are strong and kind. They can do amazing things."
Olivia by Ian Falconer
She's sassy and she's smart-Olivia almost always gets it right. Sure, she can be a pill (a trip to the museum to check out the Pollock inspires this precocious pig to try her own hand at expressing herself on her bedroom walls), but Olivia is always inspired and inspiring. She's thoughtful (she spend plenty of time in front of Degas' ballerinas at the museum wondering what they could be thinking), she's fun (she tries on every single item in her closet before settling on a red one-piece bathing suit) and she's a master negotiator (she gets out of a nap and convinces her mom to read three bedtime stories instead of one).
Malala Yousafzai Warrior with Words by Karen Leggett Abouraya and L. C. Wheatley
A fitting tribute to the youngest ever Nobel Prize winner, Malala's story is a must-read to every kid. (Her journey was tough-Malala was shot by the Taliban and this book covers that.) There's plenty of take away, particularly the importance of speaking up and speaking out. But something else that touches me every time is Malala's ability to turn what happened to her in to a worldwide movement to fight for what she believes in-education for all boys and girls. It's not a simple lesson, but one that girls and boys alike will benefit from.
Little People, Big Dreams: Coco Chanel by Ma Isabel Sanchez Vegara and Ana Albero
She was one of a kind and so is her story. Little Gabrielle was an orphan and lived in an orphanage with some nuns who thought she was a bit of weirdo. (Don't miss the "To be irreplaceable one must always be different" she can be seen writing on the chalkboard.) But as she got older and more adept with her needle and thread, Gabrielle (now Coco) expressed herself through her style and her designs-which went against the prevailing trends of the '20s. Little leggings-loving fashionistas will get a thrill hearing about corsets and how Coco set ladies free from frippery.
The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein
There's no better story about individuality than Silverstein's layered tale about a missing piece on a hunt for its mate.
It rolls along, singing : "Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece. I'm lookin' for my missin' piece. Hi-dee-ho, here I go, Lookin' for my missin' piece.
And while the search seems promising in places-some pieces don't fit while others seem to fit perfectly-ultimately, the missing pieces figure out that sometimes what you're searching for has been with you all along. There's stuff to talk about at all levels-from toddlers to teens. Try to keep it around to revisit when adolescence hits and they start to look for pieces of their own.
I'm So Not Wearing a Dress by Julie Merberg
Shelby loves baseball, mud, and her sneakers. She's a tomboy, and moms with girls who aren't all about tiaras and tutus, will be thrilled to to share Shelby with their girls. Thing is, for all her brass tacks baseball talk, she is pretty dismissive of her neighbor Sophie who is the girliest girly girl of all time. I didn't immediately love this book-girls who love mud and girls who love tea parties can play together!-but it grew on me. Plus, it does give parents the perfect opportunity to imply that friends don't always have to have exactly the same interests. (Spoiler alert: Shelby does end up wearing a dress to be a flower girl in the aunt's wedding, but she uses her mitt to hold the petals instead of a basket. Adorable problem solving.)
The Story of Ruby Bridges by Robert Coles and George Ford
It's hard to image 6-year-old Ruby Bridges flanked by U.S. Marshals, chosen as one of the first black students to desegregate the New Orleans public schools 56 years ago. But that's what this brave first grader did. It was a big deal for a little girl and her family and this story covers it all, referencing her dad's job loss, poverty, and the harassment Ruby faced as she walked to school each day. And she never gave up. Ruby just kept showing up, learning alone for almost a year, since parents didn't want their kids in the same class with her. But it's Ruby's forgiveness-her daily prayers for the mobs who threatened her while she walked to school-that is a lovely little lesson for kids and parents.
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Some Girls Are Born to Lead by Michelle Markel and LeUyen Pham
Before she was cracking and shattering ceilings in Washington, HRC was shaking up her home town of Park Ridge, Illinois. It's little Hill-at a desk in school, organizing sporting event to help the poor and catching an MLK Jr. speech-that sets the tone for a conversation about kindness, not just ambition. There's some silly stuff about headbands that always makes me laugh, but the treatment of her failures is the part I like best.
I Dissent: Ruth Bader Ginsburg Makes Her Mark by Debbie Levy and Elizabeth Baddeley
Since toddlers and preschoolers are going to say "No!" to everything anyways, it's much more palatable to hear them scream: "I dissent!" Little RBG "objected" to sewing and cooking glass, she "protested" being forced to use her right hand instead of her left and she "disapproved" when she was told she couldn't be a lawyer because she was a girl. She's the original superhero-a superwoman who uses her heart and brain to fight for what she believes in. And there's nothing more badass than that.
The Paperbag Princess by Robert Munsch and Michael Martchenko
There's a prince, a princess, and a dragon. The formula feels familiar. But when a fire threatens Elizabeth and Ronald's upcoming nuptials, the resourceful and brave Princess kicks into high gear. She's got to rescue her prince! Everything is burned, so she puts on the only thing she can find-a brown paper bag-and uses her wits to outsmart the dragon and get her man back. Turns out, he's a bit of a loser. She says, in possibly the greatest line of any children's book ever: "Ronald, your clothes are really pretty and your hair is all neat. You may look like a prince, but you are a bum." And with that she puts herself and her self worth above everything else and skips off into the sunset. Solo.
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