There was only one guest on this week’s “Weekend Update,” but it was a great one. Initially brought on to talk about how people can best go about scoring tickets for Saturday Night Live, Sarah Sherman’s 18-year-old CJ Rossitano quickly started getting into something far sillier.
Sherman presented CJ as a doe-eyed, earnest young man, similar to former cast member Vanessa Bayer’s gender-swapped Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy. But instead of the joke being centered around the kid’s awkwardness, it’s instead based on the not-so-subtle implications that CJ is actually Colin Jost’s son. CJ is dressed and styled exactly like Jost, and he solemnly declared that he’s “never met” his dad, before looking over longingly to him. Cue Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle”—the quintessential song for tragic father-son relationships.
Although an uncomfortable, blushing Jost tried to play it cool, the evidence against him quickly grew insurmountable. CJ was born in the same neighborhood Jost’s former housekeeper lives and his mom refers to his mysterious dad as “El Diablo de Los Hamptons.” Much like those famous joke swaps between Jost and Che, it seems clear that these lines of Jost were written for him, not by him.
Most damning is the fact that both CJ and Jost both suffer from a medical condition called “porcine penile maladaptation.” As CJ describes it, that’s when your penis is “small and curly, like a pig’s tail.”
Of course, the most cutting dig on Jost was the reference to his very famous wife, Scarlett Johansson. CJ noted that he’s dating a “gorgeous girl” at his school who’s a “lead actress in all the school plays,” and “no one can figure out why she’s with me.” It’s a pointed reference to Jost’s marriage to Johansson, and how a lot of rude people on the internet think she’s way out of Jost’s league.
“Anything like that ever happen to you, Colin?” the boy asked.
Was this joke as a crushing a blow as the time Che made Jost joke about his wife’s whitewashing controversy? Not quite, but it’s another worthy entry in the time-honored tradition of making Jost squirm on camera.
But whereas Sherman’s other roasts on Jost over the years went straight for the throat, this time she’s at least made sure he got a happy ending. The segment ends with Jost accepting CJ as his son when they both admit (in unison) that their favorite food is cocaine.
After 18 years of confusion, CJ finally has a father and Jost has someone in his life who also, as Jost’s forced to read off the cue cards, thinks he’s “better than everyone else even though there’s no reason to feel that way.” Jost may have lost a lot of his dignity this week, but at least he’s gained a son in return.