COMMENT: Why Pink Dot Day is more important than ever for Singapore

BOTTOMS are fine. Farting is okay as a sound effect but avoid the actual word. Physical comedy is good, but effeminate mannerisms are frowned upon. Word play is great and there’s nothing like a good gag to finish. Always send them back to class giggling.

Just no sexual content, especially the gay stuff. Never mention the gay stuff.

Welcome to the school speakers’ circuit.

As an author of children’s books, crime thrillers and humorous social commentaries, I get asked to speak to many schools about many subjects, a genuine perk of my eclectic career. No two audiences are the same. Having been invited to more than a hundred schools across three decades, I’ve visited more academic institutions than the education minister (insert your own jokes.)

I take my motivational responsibilities seriously, imagining the life-changing possibilities of an author addressing my 11-year-old self in a school assembly and highlighting a possible pathway in the literary arts. And I’m bloody good at it. I know what I’m doing.

And yet, occasionally, I still get reminders about the gay stuff, not explicitly of course. We can’t do that anymore, not in our 377A post-repeal enlightened age, not after we’ve been instructed to be more tolerant - by law, naturally - of those living non-traditional lives.

So a wonderful game of pussyfooting ensues as we dance around the topic, without ever actually mentioning the topic, for fear of offending anyone with differing views on the topic. The chat is usually a variation on the following …

“So, Neil, the school wants to make sure the assembly talk matches their values.”

“Well I have a fart gag for the primary ones and a cheeky reference to an atas school for the primary sixes and loads of broad comedy for the rest.”

“Great. And there’s nothing, you know, sensitive?”

“It’s a story about an undercover princess for primary school kids.”

“Yah, but there’s a lot of sensitive stuff in the news.”

“So I should take out Trump, Brexit and Roe versus Wade?

“Eh, don’t joke. You must stick to the school’s values.”

“I know. But I can still wear a Native American headdress and sing 'YMCA', right?”

But lazy cultural references to the Village People aside, Singapore does find itself at a fascinating crossroads in terms of LGBTQ+ matters, eh?

Section 377A has been struck off the books. The colonial law criminalising gay sex is no more, which is one less thing to blame on the Brits. If I had to hear “the British Empire introduced it, not us” defence one more time for the entrenched homophobia, I might have defaced Raffles’ statue. The British Empire also introduced scurvy, but we didn’t seem so keen to keep that.

Definitions of sexuality still a work in progress

Still, it’s a new day for tolerance in Singapore, which might make this year’s Pink Dot rally feel a tad superfluous for some, an indulgent gathering of eternally dissatisfied activists forever calling for decadent orgies in our sanitised streets (which I’m not advocating, but it still sounds more fun than the Formula 1).

Gay people are free to be now, at home, in the workplace and in our media. Just look at "Heartstopper". The uplifting LGBTQ+ drama about teen friendship was a hit as both a graphic novel at Kinokuniya and as a romantic series on Netflix as gay couples of all ages were embraced by a warm, empathetic nation.

Well, not quite. "Heartstopper" really was one of the sweetest, most uplifting teen dramas of recent years, devoured by my daughter in a single sitting, but only after I had typed in the adults-only password. "Heartstopper" has a 12 rating in the UK - for kissing. "Heartstopper" has an R21 rating in Singapore - for the depiction of non-traditional relationships. Gay lifestyles are not to be promoted, let alone celebrated, in the mainstream media. Just in case.

So let’s deal with the conversion myth. Again. My teenage daughter has a disturbing obsession with floppy-haired men. Look up Harry Styles and Jack Grealish for more details. She dreams of marrying either, as long as the hairband is present throughout the wedding. Her obsession even extends to a Manchester City striker called Erling Haaland, a freakish hybrid of Pamela Anderson and Aslan, that lion from Narnia.

In other words, she’s straight. She has gay relatives. She’s been taught by gay teachers and her favourite TV show of 2022 was "Heartstopper", but nothing has changed beyond her developing a greater understanding and acceptance of LGBTQ+ families. Worryingly, she still wants to marry a man with hair like Kenny G.

And yet, just a cursory glance at Singapore’s media coverage since the 377A repeal shows how long and winding the road remains. In The Straits Times, parents spoke of their concerns of being taught by openly gay teachers, which begged the question: What’s an openly gay teacher? Walking into a classroom in a hardhat and Wellington boots and singing "It's Raining Men"?

And what’s an openly straight teacher? Wearing a Trump baseball cap, burping into a beer can and denying women the right to control their own bodies?

But let’s stay with the example of gay teachers. In a Straits Times article in January, there was Andrew (not his real name) and Darren (not his real name) and John (not his real name) speaking of the professional obstacles and mental health challenges of teaching traditional family values that they were not a part of (societally or legally). They were being denied their identities in the workplace. They didn’t even have a real name in the media.

When I was kid, only the neighbours of gang members and serial killers used false identities. Reporters would interview “Neil” (not his real name, but he didn’t want the local drug dealer to blow up his Ford Fiesta) or “Humphrey” (not his real name, but he didn’t want the mad axeman from next door to return with his chopper.) These were legitimate reasons to conceal one’s identity from the world.

Being gay isn’t, but it still is in Singapore, which makes Pink Dot Day more vital than ever. The rally is a pride celebration for Andrew, Darren and John, but also an indictment of a society that still denies their real identities. And for what?

They are just gay men. They are not John Proctor. They should not still feel it necessary to live without their names, in our media, in their workplace or anywhere else. But they still do.

Our definitions of sexuality, relationships and family types remain a work in progress, which is why I’ll be taking my daughter to Pink Dot, even though the acceptance of LGBTQ+ families is a non-issue to her. Like many in her generation, she embraces everyone.

With a bit of luck, the rest of Singapore will eventually do the same.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

You can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and Twitter. Also check out our Southeast Asia, Food, and Gaming channels on YouTube.