COMMENT: Why Robbie Williams is right about ‘male menopause' - and wrong

MY WIFE has just been reliably informed that Robbie Williams and I are essentially the same. She’s still laughing.

But the middle-aged pop star has put a name to our shared aches, pains and droops. He’s going through the male menopause, or the “manopause” as he calls it, or the andropause as some medical practitioners call it, which is also known as testosterone deficiency syndrome.

There’s one for the Tinder profile. Age? 48. Profession. Writer? Fun facts? Currently dealing with the onset of testosterone deficiency syndrome.

Apparently, Williams had previously attempted to head off the “manopause” at the earliest junction, through testosterone injections, but they apparently left him with “massive square shoulders” and an insatiable sexual appetite. Older male readers are supposed to be alarmed by this revelation. Of course, older male readers are now googling “testosterone injections” and whipping out the credit card in the vague hope of whipping out something else at the appropriate occasion.

But Williams might be onto something. The 49-year-old claimed to be “knackered”, from all that partying and being stalked by groupies in the 1990s. I can empathise. In the same period, I was living in a two-room flat in Toa Payoh and being stalked by an upstairs auntie who kept staring through my door grille. That was the beginning of my testosterone decline.

I’m certainly ticking all the boxes. According to a Yahoo article, andropause symptoms include fatigue. Check. Restless sleep. Check. Achy joints and sore muscles. Check. Anxiety and depression. Occasionally. And potential erectile dysfunction. None of your business.

But is andropause a real thing? That depends on who you talk to. According to Williams, andropause is definitely real and leads to the loss of testosterone, serotonin, dopamine and hair, but he may not be an entirely reliable source, as he also believes in aliens and grey mohawks.

According to Dr. Lawrence Komer, who founded the Masters Men’s Andropause Clinic, andropause describes the symptoms men experience as we lose testosterone over an extended time period. It’s real and we need to be dealing with it, according to the doctor who presumably has the products to do just that. Maybe that's the cynical reality. The andropause publicity is a chance to flog expensive potions to gullible men with receding hairlines, potbellies and nether regions with less solidity than Play-Doh.

Snake oil salespeople are still around

In the 19th Century, Clark Stanley boiled rattlesnakes and sold a snake oil that supposedly cured everything. In the 21st Century, Gwyneth Paltrow sold vagina-scented candles to cure … I’m not entirely sure. I still can’t get past the online search without giggling.

Paltrow also flogged “psychic vampire repellent” on her astonishing Goop website as the wellness industry continues to insist that the way to keep those psychic vampires at bay is to fill the apartment with vagina-scented candles. Or something.

Snake oil salespeople never went away. They just upgraded their products.

Indeed, the mere mention evokes confused memories of Sentosa Snake Man at Mount Imbiah. Remember him? He used to pose for photos with his huge python. That’s not a euphemism. It was a real python. Singapore’s tourism options used to be really odd. But if Sentosa Snake Man returned today promising selfies and improved libidos, men would be lining up to cure their “manopause”, real or imagined.

The "manopause" is perceived to be real in parts of the UK. According to the Daily Mail, which is always balanced and measured when addressing male and female issues, British councils, universities, police forces and fire services have developed “male menopause” policies. UK police forces, in particular, are reportedly encouraged to provide “agile and flexible” working practices to help all officers dealing with menopause, regardless of gender.

Now, there’s an angle for crafty men. As modern workplaces are committed to improving their environmental, social, and corporate governance practices, there might be room for male menopause. It's certainly an HR conversation worth recording for training purposes:

“Hello, is that HR? I need to call in sick.”

“Oh, nothing serious I hope?”

“Well, I’m tired, achy and the little soldier isn’t standing to attention. It’s the ‘manopause’.”

“Is that a real thing?”

“Robbie Williams said it was.”

“Oh right, better take a week off then. Good luck with the little soldier.”

Undermining real impact of menopause

The male menopause does have a slight whiff of false equivalence, lumping itself in with something that has a demonstrable - and sometimes debilitating - impact on a woman’s life. The menopause really isn’t a joke. For women.

Menopause marks the end of a woman’s reproductive years. There’s an abrupt exhaustion of a woman’s egg reserve. But men don’t make eggs, obviously. From a scientific standpoint, comparisons are not valid and not particularly helpful either.

Campaigners have fought for years to improve the rights of women experiencing menopause in the workplace and elsewhere. And now men have popped up, looking for a slice of the other gender’s action. Anxiety, stress, depression and mood swings are symptoms associated with the menopause, sure, but they could also be attributed to lifestyle, work and diet choices.

It’s as if women can’t have anything for themselves, not even the menopause, even though our physiology is different, along with the symptoms (oestrogen levels decline quickly for women. Testosterone decline is gradual for men.) Even the scientific evidence remains sketchy, beyond those with vested interests in the “manopause” and Robbie Williams’ Instagram account.

That’s not to downplay testosterone deficiency syndrome, or the andropause, in ageing men, but God knows, we do love a chance to palm off the male deterioration on a syndrome, an ailment or something a pop star said on social media. Maybe we’re just getting older. Testosterone drops. Hairlines recede. Bellies protrude. This is nothing we didn’t already know.

The “manopause” can feel like a get-out-of-jail card for those seeking to avoid a little personal responsibility. Rather than blame everything on something that is not considered a clinical condition for men (and undermines the serious and measurable symptoms of the female menopause), why not exercise more, improve the diet and take ownership of our inevitable male decline?

Williams is a terrific pop star. But he’s not having any impact on my libido.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

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