PARENT PROTIP: Don't read that email from the school; save your energy for the follow-up with corrections they'll send in a few minutes.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 6, 2023
My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 7, 2023
I patiently sat through a 75 hour story about my daughter’s dream and then said wow daddy would love to hear this.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 7, 2023
As spooky season approaches, my very interested toddler has been asking "WHAT HIM NAME?" when we see a skeleton or other ghoulish figure on someone's lawn, and since "I don't know" is unacceptable to people who are almost 3, I have been spitballing names of people I don't like.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 3, 2023
me: goodnight I love you. Thanks for watching a movie with me tonight
10: you're welcome. I didn't have anything else to do.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 7, 2023
Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 7, 2023
I asked my son how his first full day went and he described in detail a bug he saw at recess and revealed no further information
— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) September 7, 2023
My son was following me around being annoying. I turned around and asked what he wanted. He leaned in, "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty." No notes! Perfect performance.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 3, 2023
[Explaining my fantasy football draft]
Is this boring you?
Me: This is how I feel when you tell me about a video on Youtube.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 5, 2023
4yo: THAT WAS ENOUGH SCHOOL
Me: That was... your first day.
Me: You have school again tomorrow, kiddo.
4yo: NAH, I THINK I'M GOOD.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 6, 2023
Made one of those cute white board signs for my sons first day of preschool. Left the room and came back and he’d erased it and drawn “a big building that’s on fire” instead. pic.twitter.com/RYUAtwy0uU
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 8, 2023
My toddler started crying because the bite he wanted was too big to fit in his mouth and this is one tantrum I can get behind.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 6, 2023
My kid handed me a tooth tonight and said “that’ll be $5” so I guess we’re done with the tooth fairy
— Midge (@mxmclain) September 8, 2023
Back to school day today! I’m so proud that I dropped of my 8yo to the correct classroom this time
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 8, 2023
In honor of school starting, I’d like to reflect back on the time my daughter took her and her brothers money from their banks and bought 70.00 worth of scented pencils at the book fair
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 6, 2023
if having grown teens has taught me anything it's that you can be wrong for not helping them make better decisions and somehow at the same time also be wrong for always telling them what to do
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 8, 2023
‘Good things come to those who wait’ I whisper to myself as I count the minutes until the kids are in bed and I can break out the Doritos
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 6, 2023
My 6yo set a timer so that I could have a rest after eating. When the alarm went off it was time for me to go play with him.
He set the timer for 11 seconds. Plenty of time for a rest.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 2, 2023
My daughter ate a whole bag of chips and then said “I’m not even that hungry they just tasted good” and I’ve never felt closer to her
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 4, 2023