The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (April 1-7)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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6:00pm *turns on Netflix*
2:00am *decides what to watch*— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) April 5, 2023
Benadryl be like, you got allergies? No prob, here’s a coma.
— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) April 4, 2023
watching succession is proof that you literally don't need to know what's going on to have a great time. is this how dogs feel
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) April 3, 2023
Shout-out to the person who thought, "How can I illustrate an elderly deer?" and came up with this: pic.twitter.com/e4TpY2Tivw
— Karin Brulliard (@karinbrulliard) April 5, 2023
Sure delayed gratification is great, but have you ever heard of immediate gratification?
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) April 2, 2023
To honor my grandma’s memory today, I ordered a salad with so many substitutions they outright refused to do it.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 6, 2023
every time a girl i know gets engaged pic.twitter.com/xixm5EDbj1
— Alex Friedman (@kosherhotdogz) April 4, 2023
do I drink espresso martinis because I am sexy and sophisticated? yes. do I drink them because if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep while I’m out past nine? also yes.
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 6, 2023
thinking about the couple from my high school who did couples therapy after 4 months of dating when they were 16
— bailey moon (@Baileymoon15) April 3, 2023
Frogs is a really underrated plague
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) April 6, 2023
Think you’re anti-woke? Elmo has literally never used a pronoun. pic.twitter.com/sxvihvyk3O
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) April 4, 2023
i wish i could text my friends’ pets
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) April 1, 2023
I once brought my very Catholic ex-girlfriend to Passover and she was like “should I bring a gift?” and I was like “no need but if you want to!” and you guys. she brought a CHALLAH
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 6, 2023
Me when I'm in the shower & a song i don't like comes on pic.twitter.com/LjNmarE7bR
— Mona (@RealMona_) April 4, 2023
My dads response to my coming out essay was simply the funniest thing in history.
He responded simply
“No problem”— Stella Bella (@redrum_panda) April 4, 2023
72yo neighbor bestie was pulling out of the parking garage as i was pulling in. waved at her and she looked confused. after a moment, she smiled and pulled up beside me. she laughed and said “sorry. i can’t see very well!”
lmao now girl….— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) April 4, 2023
I need to know everything about this shot. How many takes, if she held onto something, was she harnessed, is the landing mark sticky, are they her feet, who did the pedicure, really just a documentary on this shot pic.twitter.com/8a87KsFtXP
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 5, 2023
absolutely no one in new york knows how to dress right now. i have seen puffer coats. i have seen sundresses. i have seen puffer coats over sundresses. the ambient temperature can only be described as “clammy”
— angeline rodriguez (@gelrdrgz) April 6, 2023
pulling over for an ice cream truck like it’s an ambulance with their siren on
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) April 4, 2023
golf was invented so men could chit chat and go on flirty little walks with their friends
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) April 4, 2023
see the thing is it’s not like i ever really believed drinking was good for me i just do it anyways https://t.co/n7q4Dvx352
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 5, 2023
why bro announced it like its a rolling loud lineup💀 https://t.co/29kGXzTmkt
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) April 2, 2023
ppl be like pPl wHO weAr GLAsseS aRE sOoo SmArT like i literally had to fail a test to get these.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 4, 2023
What if I went into child's pose and just stayed there...until the end of the year
— jami attenberg (@jamiattenberg) April 6, 2023
Millennials watching Gen-Z post about how quaint the post 9/11 Bush years must have been pic.twitter.com/T9rFFnUq2A
— Sarah Solomon (@sarahsolfails) April 6, 2023
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”— mariana Z (@mariana057) April 3, 2023
I can relate to exactly 1/2 of this tweet https://t.co/HCfSO9VQVz
— claire rogers (@kclairerogers) April 6, 2023
airport food really asks "do you want to eat something bad? do you want it to also be small? do you want it to also be $40? we thought so! here's only that!😘"
— Lane Moore📕YouWillFindYourPeople (@hellolanemoore) April 3, 2023
no pressure to 5 year olds but when you pick your favourite animal you need to be sure they’re your favourite because someone in your family will inevitably buy you items with that animal on them for the rest of your life
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 6, 2023