Mariah Carey Recalls Feeling the Need to 'Disappear' When Writing 2018's 'Portrait' (Exclusive)
Carey's installment of Words + Music, "Portrait of a Portrait," will be available on May 23 on Audible
Mariah Carey is opening up about a time in her life when she felt lost.
In a clip premiering exclusively with PEOPLE on Tuesday, May 7, from Carey's Words + Music installment with Audible, the singer-songwriter opens up about her headspace when she was writing "Portrait."
"Where do I go from here? At that point in my life I really did not know the answer to that question. It's not like I had a plan to say, 'Oh I'm going to do this and then tomorrow it's going to be this fabulous day and whatever whatever.' I genuinely didn't know the answer to that question, which is what the first line of 'Portrait' is," Carey, 55, says in the clip from her episode, titled "Portrait of a Portrait."
Carey released "Portrait" in 2018 and it was later featured on her fifteenth studio album Caution.
"How do I a disappear is an even stronger question. How do I disappear is just like... someone who's trapped. And the question is how do I get out of his situation. I have no idea how I get out of this situation. How do I disappear? How do I snap my fingers and suddenly no longer be here?"
She continues, "And that's a very scary, stomach tumbling kind of realization. Or I guess artistic realization to have."
The "We Belong Together" singer went on to recite some of the lyrics in the song: "Here beyond the looking glass/Somewhere off the beaten path/Heartache never seems to pass/It just lasts."
Carey concludes, "And that's exactly what I felt, where I was at that time."
"Portrait of a Portrait" will debut on Thursday, May 23, on Audible and promises to be an introspective exploration of "Portrait." It will also feature and exclusive, never-before-heard House remix of the original song.
"'Portrait of a Portrait' is an in-depth journey into my inner life as a songwriter, and I'm excited to welcome listeners into the Butterfly Lounge for a unique, unfiltered exploration of my creative process and the meaning behind some of the songs closest to my heart," Carey said in a press release.
audible
Mariah CareyCarey is joining a long line of musicians who have contributed to Words + Music like John Legend, Pete Townshend, Snoop Dogg, Eddie Vedder and more.
The "Fantasy" singer kicked off her third Vegas residency, Mariah Carey: The Celebration of Mimi Live at Dolby Live at Park MGM in April. The residency celebrates the anniversary of her hit album, The Emancipation of Mimi.
Pre-order "Portrait of a Portrait" here, or listen beginning May 23 on Audible.
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