The modern dad: how fathers are balancing work and family in the 21st century

SINGAPORE — In today's fast-paced world, fathers are redefining their roles, going beyond being mere breadwinners and becoming active participants in their children's lives.

This shift has brought about a new wave of fathers who strive to strike a delicate balance between their professional commitments and their responsibilities as parents.

One such father is Dr Kenneth Tong, founder of Animal and Avian Veterinary Clinic (AAVC), who has experienced firsthand the challenges faced by fathers in modern society.

With three children of his own - an eight-year-old, a five-year-old, and an 11-month-old - Dr Tong empathises with fathers everywhere. Reflecting on his own experiences, he remarks, "When you have kids, you realise that it's not easy. Fatherhood nowadays is really different from decades ago."

Dr Tong highlighted the changing role of fathers in today's society, emphasising the need for them to actively support their wives and go beyond the traditional role of being sole breadwinners for the family.

He acknowledged the difficulties that arise when managing a clinic while simultaneously working towards establishing family-friendly practices, including ensuring that his staff have sufficient time to spend with their children.

However, he emphasised that the benefits of actively supporting and nurturing family relationships outweigh the challenges encountered in the process.

Driven by this realisation, the 43-year-old visionary recognised the need for change and took action within his own organisation, as he implemented father-friendly workplace practices at AAVC to support his employees in their dual roles.

His efforts did not go unnoticed, as AAVC was recently honoured with the Great Companies for Dads award by the Centre for Fathering. This accolade celebrates organisations that go the extra mile to enable fathers to thrive both at home and in the workplace.

Fathers embrace extended paternity leave and work-life balance

One of the initiatives spearheaded by AAVC was the implementation of three days of paternal leave, a policy the clinic introduced long before it became a mainstream practice.

Singapore has made progress in recognising the importance of fathers' involvement in childcare by implementing paternity leave policies, allowing fathers to take time off to bond with their newborns.

Starting from 1 January 2024, eligible working fathers of Singaporean children will see their government-paid paternity leave doubled from two weeks to four weeks.

Initially, the additional two weeks will be voluntary, giving employers time to adjust, and they will be reimbursed by the government. The government intends to review this policy and eventually make it mandatory.

To further promote father-child bonding, Dr Tong's AAVC hosts the "bring your child to work day" initiative at any time of the fathers' work period, allowing their children to witness their work ethic firsthand.

The clinic also offers flexible working arrangements, enabling fathers to attend to their families needs by adjusting their work schedules.

"When we started the clinic in 2008, I established the timing to be weekdays from 10am to 2pm and then from 2pm to 5pm. This schedule allows them to have the morning free for their personal tasks and spending time with their children," said Dr Tong.

"Furthermore, by ending at 5pm, they still have enough time to join their children for dinner or spend quality time with them before they go to bed, possibly around 8pm."

These changes, however, has come with some trade-offs. Dr Tong acknowledges his personal sacrifices, saying, "No more football games, no more cycling out there. But it's okay. You put a stop in your life temporarily and use that time for your kids, for your family."

Redefining fatherhood in the modern era

Adrian Choo, chief executive and founder of Career Agility International, echoes Dr Tong's sentiments about the evolving role of fathers.

Reflecting on the traditional distant father figure, he explains, "In the old days, fathers weren't very close to kids except during Christmas or when they needed discipline."

However, this generation of fathers has witnessed a shift inspired by western concepts of involved parenting portrayed on television, according to Choo.

The 51-year-old believes that societal expectations persist, but fathers today embrace a more loving and hands-on approach to parenting.

As a father of a 20-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter, Choo emphasises the importance of balance and setting priorities, drawing from his experience as a former corporate professional juggling career demands and family responsibilities.

"Whenever there was a decision to be made, I knew which one to choose. My underlying career strategy was family first, career next," he added.

Abdul Omar, a 55-year-old engineer and father of a 27-year-old daughter, also reflects on the changes he has witnessed over the years.

Recalling the challenges he faced in the past, he explains, "I had to work tirelessly to ensure financial stability for my wife and child. My wife temporarily put her career on hold to focus on raising our firstborn."

As he looks at the present landscape, Abdul expresses his gratitude for the increased support fathers receive today, such as paternity leave and flexible work arrangements. In hindsight, he wishes he had the same opportunities to spend quality time with his daughter during her formative years.

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