All Rise for the Chill Fierceness of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
The Supreme Court Supreme paid a visit to The Temple Emanu-El Skirball Center in New York City last night and she came to slay! You may be cool, but you'll never be Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wearing tiny fishnet gloves cool.
This is beyond cool. This is hypothermic. Possibly literally. Because those gloves don't look very warm.
But when you're Ruth Bader Ginsburg the laws of physics don't apply to you. No laws apply to you. You are the law!
That's how it works, right? Note: most of what I know about the judicial branch of our government I learned from Judge Dredd. But that movie is set only 50 years from now so I'm sure it still applies. Question: do people in a dystopian future know they're in the dystopian future? It's got to be obvious, doesn't it?
Katniss Everdeen: You know what I've been thinking about?
Peeta: Bread?
Katniss Everdeen: No. It's never bread, actually.
Peeta: Bagels? Scones? Those little croissant donuts?! Are you thinking about cronuts?!
Katniss: No. Stop. I was just thinking-technology is really advanced but life is really terrible. I'm starting to think that we may be living in a dystopia.
Peeta: ::gasps, shoves a cookie in his mouth::
Katniss: Is there a test, do you think? We could maybe take a Buzzfeed quiz called "How Dystopian Is Your Present?" If Buzzfeed still existed.
You know who's definitely probably not living in a dystopia? Us. Maybe. Probably not. I'm pretty sure.
Wait! There's no way this is a dystopia because we have ferocious, tiny, Ruth Bader Ginsburg reading the Constitution while wearing fishnet gloves. Does that happen in a dystopia? The quiz I'm taking says no.
I don't even know what precipitated this but I am sold. I imagine that this is the way Justice Ginsburg shuts down haters on the regular. Like, someone in the audience was like "Hillary wants to take away our guns." and Justice Ginsburg whipped out her personalized hand-held mic like an old school rap MC, pulled on her tiny, fishnet gloves (so as not to get her hands dirty when laying the smack down) and started spitting Constitutional fire.
The Notorious RBG in a legal rap battle is all I've every wanted. She'd be like, "Look, I'm going to read this here Constitution because it's what I do every night before bed while drinking Sleepytime tea and blasting John Philip Sousa in every room of my mansion, but first I'm going to read you." I want all of her sick burns to have amendments. I want her to rhyme things in Latin.
Here she is laying down a couple of lines from "Protect Ya Neck" from the album Enter the Wu at a wedding.
The bride, opera singer Alyson Cambridge, is a huge East Coast rap fan so this was an especially beautiful moment.
Question: When Supreme Court Justices take the bench do they have to swear that they'll never reveal the Wu-Tang secret? Is that what's holding up Merrick Garland's confirmation? He's like, "Look, I might have to tell someone the Wu-Tang secret." And Nancy Pelosi is like "Merrick. You can't. None of us can. Don't you get it? The Wu-Tang secret is the only thing standing between us and dystopia!"
That sounds about right. I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
How could you not be obsessed with Ruth Bader Ginsburg's laid back fierceness? I took the Pottermore quiz and I was hoping to get RBG as my Patronus. But the Pottermore site was like, "Chile, you wish."
If there was any justice in the world (get it?), Halloween would be a holiday where everyone just dressed up as their favorite Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
There are so many options:
Darth Vader Ginsburg
Lucille Bluth Bader Ginsburg
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider Ginsburg
The Truth Bader Ginsburg Is Out There (Like if Scully was Ruth Bader Ginsburg's daughter?)
Ruth Bader Ginsburglar (Like the Hamburglar, but instead of stealing burgers she protects women's access to healthcare)
The possibilities are endless. Go out there, slap on your tiny fishnet gloves and be your own best Bader Ginsburg!
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
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