I Wasted More Hours On Twitter This Month Than I'd Like To Admit, But These Are The 50 Funniest Tweets You Need To See
Alright, folks. We're nearing the end of May, which means it's time for a recap of some of the best tweets from this month. So, stretch those thumbs, and let's scroll through May's hilariousness.
1.
whoever made this wanted him so bad https://t.co/1DUKM9J8fm
— paul (@paulswhtn) May 20, 2024
@paulswhtn
2.
Not y’all eating fried pirate maps https://t.co/SpWC9wPvAU
— Ben Wegmann (@benwegmann) May 21, 2024
@benwegmann
3.
okay nvm im not ready for my kid to start school lol pic.twitter.com/xfz6nNwvsU
— smoke mommy ✨ (@wxfflestomp) May 15, 2024
@wxfflestomp
4.
That's that me espresso pic.twitter.com/YXAUJKoxw3
— Cosmo | 🍉 (@crybabysportal) May 7, 2024
@crybabysportal
5.
Ok I’m not being funny but which one am I????? I need to piss immediately pic.twitter.com/DYIJbUJYCk
— Claire St. Clair (@sleepy_homo) May 25, 2024
@sleepy_homo
6.
i hate my fuckass brain. every time i see this sign on a plane my immediate impulse is to interpret it as “sowwy no stowage 🥺” pic.twitter.com/D8hNijzk5D
— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) May 21, 2024
@zachsilberberg
7.
My Gen Z cousin told me I’m old because I give directions. She said “nobody my age gives directions, they just give you an address. You talking about ‘make a left at the first rock’”
— DJ R-Tistic (@DJRTistic) May 21, 2024
@DJRTistic
8.
My brain at 3 am pic.twitter.com/jCArd2eJHC
— introvert (@introvertsmemes) May 9, 2024
DuoLingo / @introvertsmemes
9.
Man who kept his boat besides his house was ordered from the city to put up a fence to hide the boat from view. So he built the fence and hired someone to paint it. pic.twitter.com/wrkQh6RjXn
— Doug Aoki (@Nantanreikan) May 9, 2024
@Nantanreikan
10.
Had a new experience tonight: on hour one of a six-hour flight, I got up to use the bathroom and when I came back the guy beside me was wearing my sweatshirt
— Sarah Edwards (@eddy_sarah) May 21, 2024
@eddy_sarah
11.
this is what hearing a man talk in a college class is like pic.twitter.com/hNuGJJ839V
— rocky (@WAYSTIAR) May 3, 2024
Warner Bros. / @WAYSTIAR
12.
Went to Dunkin in Europe and they had this warning at the counter pic.twitter.com/5x0PZLBVt6
— rosey🌹 (@thechosenberg) May 13, 2024
@thechosenberg
13.
5 feep deet pic.twitter.com/RoH85DJtX7
— horse dentist (@equine__dentist) May 21, 2024
@equine__dentist
14.
No one:The tweet I was really invested in when the timeline refreshes pic.twitter.com/jHUNhonNIB
— JustRandomThoughts (@randomstuffxzxz) May 17, 2024
BBCOne / @randomstuffxzxz
15.
Chillin rn pic.twitter.com/cn3kj0qo1Q
— $NOT (@snot) May 22, 2024
@snot
16.
When the Billie Ellish song start getting scary and it feel like she waiting for you outside
— paul | iwtv spoilers (@paulswhtn) May 17, 2024
@paulswhtn
17.
My wife was looking at my bank statement and thought I was paying for porn 😭😂. Thanks a lot Next Level NUTrition pic.twitter.com/whKegUScpq
— Eric Crocker 🥷🏾 (@Crocky209) May 22, 2024
@Crocky209
18.
my client threw up during her wax and i handled it so unprofessionally i literally screamed and ran
— mr. bitches (retired) (@discobxtchh) May 15, 2024
@discobxtchh
19.
Rejecting ugly people on hinge after they send a funny opening message pic.twitter.com/YssxqRDnAH
— new jersey updates (@doubtpointv2) May 9, 2024
Warner Bros Pictures / @doubtpointv2
20.
literally should be called slow dgaf https://t.co/bidU5biQhg
— al (@applekid_al) May 16, 2024
@applekid_al
21.
My stolen @apple AirPods have made it all the way to Iraq now pic.twitter.com/CzIOWaR0Ha
— Billy Jansen ⚜️ (@HellbenderSTL) May 8, 2024
@HellbenderSTL
22.
boring ass graduation pic.twitter.com/vJgqmM3dD4
— sophia ⭐️ (@murdockrrry) May 25, 2024
@murdockrrry
23.
found the most incredible pair of vintage jeans at the thrift store today and then turned them around to see… this pic.twitter.com/RZFJH36pMX
— mar (@itsmariannnna) May 11, 2024
@itsmariannnna
24.
just graduated film school 😭😭😭😭 IM GONNA BE A BARISTA 😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/dIYEqIqlYf
— ✮ (@LUXXINDREAMS) May 13, 2024
@LUXXINDREAMS
25.
At work about to scream out..”LORD, NOT MY UNCLE😭” so I can go home..
— Big Choctaw (@Derekalexander_) May 28, 2024
@Derekalexander_
26.
My niece cooked a pizza…. on a plastic cutting board….. in my oven.Get TF out my house 😭 pic.twitter.com/BMWY68IhpD
— wiz fajita (@trillary_banks_) May 8, 2024
@trillary_banks_
27.
whatever happened to “the literature exam was easy” ? pic.twitter.com/pdYHl7AaST
— abdoul • (@abdoulxc) May 13, 2024
@abdoulxc
28.
pic.twitter.com/Ae9dZgYvCm https://t.co/TDXlfbOqtO
— DJ (@DonTheCreator_) May 17, 2024
TNT / @DonTheCreator_
29.
Happy 3 year anniversary to the time that I was standing in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom and I got the call from my gyno that I had chlamydia and had to go pick up my meds from the DISNEY PHARMACY and my mom called it the “clappiest place on earth”
— maybe: clare (@clur19) May 18, 2024
@clur19
30.
I went to the Apple Store to buy new headphones n realized I forgot my credit card in my other purse and I asked the clerk if they took Apple Pay n he looked at me and said what do u think
— ;p (@beefymosquito) May 24, 2024
@beefymosquito
31.
Reasons I love gay DC: pic.twitter.com/d43kaTVLVO
— Mr. Pete Andrew (@MrPeteAndrew) May 19, 2024
@MrPeteAndrew
32.
I'll be looking sharp every single day https://t.co/VcU9CqFJG6
— Emeka. (@emekanu) May 17, 2024
@emekanu / @snot
33.
Felt like being a little mischievous today pic.twitter.com/XXIDG2Xr7B
— Jab (@jab50yen) May 16, 2024
@jab50yen
34.
LMAOOO people are laying flowers at the portal after it was closed pic.twitter.com/gOkZP42XJZ
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) May 16, 2024
@kirawontmiss
35.
i ran outta PTO at work, now i gotta get pregnant smh
— Jerms (@LordJerms) May 16, 2024
@LordJerms
36.
I just got “thats crazy” from my plumber?? cmon man pic.twitter.com/JGwVHSivv8
— Blinx: The Time Sweeper (@hail_mattma) May 13, 2024
@hail_mattma
37.
I asked my 8yo if he liked my sleeveless blouse, he said "the color's fine, but I don't like public armpits" 😭 Public. Armpits. It's going straight to Goodwill
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 13, 2024
@sarahradz_
38.
Driving instructor just gagged me a bit pic.twitter.com/A16fRTrzom
— Harrison Brocklehurst (@harrisonjbrock) May 7, 2024
@harrisonjbrock
39.
i'm gonna join the cicadas this summer and scream
— erika (@yeeeerika) May 1, 2024
@yeeeerika
40.
I know you not eating nachos with the body of Christ! https://t.co/uyu3UeJhV2
— HEAVY🥩🥬 💊🏋🏾♂️ (@SupaSensei_7) May 12, 2024
@SupaSensei_7
41.
Put on my duvet cover after washing it pic.twitter.com/EsgrTRe0PV
— ali segel (@OnlineAlison) May 10, 2024
@OnlineAlison
42.
He doesn’t have dementia he’s just in disbelief https://t.co/j3fStNivAc
— 𝕯𝖆𝛎𝖎𝐝🧘🏾♂️ (@David_pattt) May 9, 2024
@David_pattt
43.
the swedish word for “end” or “done” being “slut” will never not be funny to me (in this case they were out of these cow balloons) pic.twitter.com/GaoMfGOgoD
— “paula” (@paularambles) May 12, 2024
@paularambles
44.
— ✨Braxel Foley✨ (@__BRAT_) May 24, 2024
Hulu / @__BRAT_
45.
I love saying “sounds good” at work and don’t shit sound good
— betel (@betelreloaded) May 1, 2024
@betelreloaded
46.
my car is fucked pic.twitter.com/qCL1NHWtHr
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) May 1, 2024
@adamgreattweet
47.
This is still one of the greatest autographs of all time. pic.twitter.com/9ZC84jTzbe
— Eric Alper 🎧 (@ThatEricAlper) May 2, 2024
@ThatEricAlper
48.
THE WORDING 😭😭😭😭 like yes she did babes! for almost 9 years! pic.twitter.com/3cTRpLOGqh
— tor (@emailsavenue) May 1, 2024
@emailsavenue / Via tiktok.com
49.
No you freaky bitch! https://t.co/MxQQhVG4Ic
— m. (@moseason_) May 5, 2024
@moseason / @pli_cachete
50.
My daughter asked me if the tooth fairy would only give money for *her* teeth and I’m a little concerned
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 2, 2024
@KatieDeal99
Which tweet made you cackle in May's funny tweet roundup? Let us know your favorites in the comments below, and we'll see you back here in June!
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