‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: Tom Schwartz Stages a Coup Against ‘Queen Ariana’
It’s the problem that so many long-running series face. The main characters are gone, and weaker side characters have stepped up in their place. Just as Grey’s Anatomy said goodbye to Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang and kept kicking, Vanderpump Rules has experienced a second life since the departures of Stassi Schroeder and Jax Taylor.
In the post-Scandoval era, Tom Sandoval and Ariana have found themselves the focal points of the show by the sheer force of reality. But, Ariana’s iron grip on the group has already become tenuous.
We open on Sandoval’s birthday party, picking up after James’ pissy goodbye. Sandoval continues throwing a pity party with anyone that will listen, which means random employees of his, and former Vanderpump Rules recurring cast member Billie Lee. Even Schwartz jumps ship, choosing instead to go to Emo Nite, hosted by the VPR ladies. James, too, goes to the show to dish on his disastrous conversation with Sandoval.
But, while Sandoval’s party is a sad little affair, Emo Nite doesn’t exactly light up the screen. Does getting cheated on make one a great DJ? I’d have to say no. As DJ James Kennedy points out, he wouldn’t be caught dead pressing play on a pre-recorded set. Just classless.
Thankfully, Emo Nite takes a funny turn when Scheana drops a remix of her infamous single “Good as Gold.” Emo? Not quite. Iconic? Well, sorta-kinda.
The next day, Katie visits Ariana’s house, the two talking while assistant Ann awkwardly cleans Sandoval’s mess in the background. Poor Ann has a life few would want, but kudos to her screen presence for making her one of the season’s most memorable characters.
Katie tells Ariana she’s trying to create a new friendship with Scheana, but is hesitant due to Scheana’s huge heart of gold and empathetic prowess. Or, as Katie sees it, because she’s a flip-flopper. The two monotone menaces get IV’s as they hang out, a possible push from production to inject some energy into this tepid scene.
We jump next to Czar Vanderpump overseeing the dusty ruins of PUMP. Sitting in the corpse of the former restaurant, Lisa admits it’s hard to say goodbye. It’s the second Vanderpump establishment to close in recent years, after Villa Blanca in 2020, leaving the Vanderpump Rules tourist experience especially barren. But as long as we have the Sur back alley, all is fine and well in the Valley.
Sandoval makes a “surprise” visit with flowers in tow, completely and utterly shocking Lisa, who was sitting in this barren restaurant with a camera crew and absolutely no idea Tom would show up. None whatsoever. But, since he’s here, why not have a little heart-to-heart that helps Sandoval humanize himself in the eyes of the audience?
While he admits he created this mess, Sandoval is tired by the incessant hate he’s received, as well as the cast profiting from the scandal on their podcasts. And he’s especially bothered by one excerpt in particular.
Scheana had Shahs of Sunset alum Nema Vand on her podcast, where he shared that, when he dated Rachel, she begged to have sex with him on Scheana’s bed. Further, Nema claimed Tom had told Rachel he and Ariana were in an open relationship.
This podcast seriously hurt Rachel, Sandoval claims, and he’s sick of the “mob mentality” of his castmates. Lisa prods him to make things right and “have some remorse,” but Sandoval feels he can’t do anything right. Then, he lets slip he’s considered suicide. This devastates Lisa, who dealt with her brother’s death by suicide just a few years ago.
The stakes of the Scandoval escalated extremely quick last spring, as the parasocial fans who helped make Vanderpump Rules cable’s #1 series also sent vicious attacks the cast’s way, with Sandoval and Rachel facing the brunt of the venom. It’s a giant elephant in the room, as the show struggles to avoid this fourth wall break, but one that’s necessary to mention.
Sure, the scene’s a bit staged, but it adds context to Lisa’s sympathy. She may be a misogynist, but she also understands the need for a reality TV villain. Put the pitchforks down, people. Without the Scandoval, we’d be left watching a show about a fake sandwich shop.
Next, Scheana and Katie meet for their lunch date. They “used to be so close,” as Scheana mentions, although… when? The funniest thing about post-Scandoval Vanderpump Rules is watching all of the women on this cast pretend they like each other. This is not a group of women who support other women, and it never has been. We’re losing the plot trying to make VPR a show about a bunch of girlbosses.
Ariana Madix.
Through gritted teeth, Scheana says the “old Scheana” is dead and gone, and she’s a girl’s girl, now. The two make it through lunch without calling each other a whore, so, mission accomplished. Let’s see how long this truce lasts.
We hop to Vanderpump Dogs, where the golden retriever Tom seeks some advice from the British matriarch. He never expected such an intense backlash toward Sandoval, he shares, and Lisa agrees.
“I just don’t think the punishment really befits the crime,” Lisa says. “And maybe I would feel very differently if Ariana wasn’t living her best life, you know, but she’s kind of moved on.”
While there’s no doubt that Lisa’s concerned for Sandoval’s mental health, it’s also obvious that the cast members ostracized by Ariana are growing resentful. Lisa pitches the cast on a trip to Lake Tahoe, as she’s opening a new restaurant. What she’s also pitching is trapping the cast together for the first time since the reunion, hoping to break the stalemate.
The group convene at Sur, the inner circle are joined by Schwartz, who’s ready to stage a coup. The pieces are placed, and in walks Katie and Ariana for a night of scintillating fun.
Oh, wait, this is new-age Vanderpump Rules, so all they do is sit around. Sobriety may be a healthy life choice, but these cast members desperately need to stop making those.
Then, Sandoval comes rolling in, accompanied by a friend. Grabbing a seat away from the group, Sandoval is greeted by a Sur-ver, Jesse, who wants to explain why he’s stepped away from their apparent friendship. Jesse reveals he “had to unfollow” him on Instagram because he “didn’t want to be attached” to the “decisions and choices” Sandoval made.
Thank you, Extra 562 for your brave statement on the Scandoval. I’m sure Jesse has been on three separate podcasts to discuss the fallout, and good for him.
Back with the rest of the cast, Schwartz invites the group on the Tahoe trip. As he stumbles through the most inorganic cast trip invite in Bravo history, a perplexed Katie asks: “Like… are you inviting us?”
But it’s Schwartz’s admission that he’s inviting Sandoval, too, that makes waves. A cacophony of why’s bounces through Sur, before Ariana jumps in to shut Schwartz down. She has no interest in being around Sandoval, especially without mediator Ann present. The rest of the women further skewer Schwartz for sticking by Sandoval, though Schwartz insists their friendship is “beautiful” despite the strain.
All-out war breaks out when Ariana tells Schwartz, “I gave up on you a long time ago, and my life is better for it.”
“You’re a lost cause,” she adds.
Growing the smallest backbone possible, Schwartz hits back, calling out Ariana’s newly inflated ego.
“Don’t speak on behalf of the whole group, you’re not the queen of the group,” he says.
But this is weak-willed Schwartz, so instead of doubling down, he quickly retracts his statement. It’s not much, but it’s a sign that Ariana’s new role as group leader isn’t going to go unchecked, and that’s good news for the show.
This sets the stage for the dramatic one-on-one we’ve all been waiting for: Scheana and Sandoval. I’m not even kidding. Their scene in the Season 10 finale had stakes and real intrigue, and the fallout of their friendship is proving much more enticing than the Ariana/Sandoval breakup.
The two meet in the fabled Sur back alley to finally duke out their frustrations. Sandoval first tries to break the ice by handing her a drink, though Scheana rebuffs it with an announcement she’s three weeks sober. Down but not out, Sandoval compliments her look by comparing it to Shania Twain, celebrating as she accepts the compliment.
Still frustrated by Sandoval blocking her (and her daughter), Scheana pleads with Sandoval to “apologize and be remorseful.”
“You don’t need to keep doubling down and acting like the villain, Tom,” she says.
Sandoval says that he has tried to apologize, but has been met with extreme hostility. He calls out Scheana and the other cast members’ “relentless” hits on him, noting that Ariana has said less to the press than the rest, somehow.
But Scheana feels that he’s behaving like a narcissist and needs to tone it down. The two leave with little resolution, but it’s a small start. Scheana is Scheana, and she will certainly forgive Sandoval. And, she’s going to make him work for it. Scheana understands reality TV optics.
The problem, really, is that Ariana and Sandoval don’t. Their delusions are annoying in a way that’s unconducive to good TV, and that’s become increasingly evident with the former couple helming the A-plot. It’s like plucking Vanessa from Gossip Girl off the sidelines and giving her the leading role. Ariana was a good character when she existed more to react to the absurdity of her peers. Given more screen time, Ariana’s sanctimony has grown tiresome.
And, while Sandoval can be a great comic relief, his villain arc is ineffective, thus far. I expected better after his reunion performance, but Sandoval is flailing, unable to commit to villainy, but far too whiny to win anyone back. Not to mention, Rachel’s unexpected departure has dampened the stakes of his arc tremendously.
Maybe picking up filming so soon after the scandal wasn’t in the show’s best interest, as the cast dynamics are still wedged firmly in place. And maybe foregoing any cast additions was a recipe for disaster, allowing Ariana to scoff her way through the season while Sandoval throws a pity party, and the rest meander aimlessly.
The pieces are all there for an explosive season, but in execution, it’s mirroring Season 12 of The Real Housewives of Orange County. On the heels of a monumental Season 11, that season saw the cast finally ostracize Vicki Gunvalson after the cancer scam. It was scattered, anticlimactic, and just plain frustrating.
Only time will tell if Vanderpump Rules is destined to meet that same fate. The season’s trailer promises some salacious drama, and the cast’s BravoCon appearance suggests dynamic shifts have taken place, but there’s no denying the season’s off to a rough start.
Still, I have no doubt this cast can bring it home. Well, I have doubts about some of them, but I trust Scheana can do enough heavy lifting to make this season worthwhile.
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