“Vanderpump Rules”: Sandoval Feels 'Abandoned' by Rachel, Rages About Scandal Squashing His 'Rock Star Dreams'

"Up until a few weeks ago, I was talking to Raquel once every couple days and I thought maybe because it was my birthday she would try to reach out to me in some way but nothing," Sandoval said

Tom Sandoval’s life isn’t turning out the way he imagined in the aftermath of Scandoval.

On Tuesday’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, the Schwartz & Sandy's co-owner, 41, celebrated his birthday without his former inner circle amid the ongoing fallout of his affair with Rachel “Raquel” Leviss, which ended his nine-year relationship with Ariana Madix. He admitted to his friend Billie Lee that his feelings were “hurt” because he hadn’t heard from Rachel.

“I feel like she abandoned you,” Billie responded. “I’ve seen you suffer from this breakup with Ariana but I’ve also seen you suffer with Raquel.”

Sandoval told Billie that he just wanted to “connect” with Rachel, who was receiving treatment at a mental health facility. He added in a confessional, “Up until a few weeks ago, I was talking to Raquel once every couple days and I thought maybe because it was my birthday she would try to reach out to me in some way, but nothing. I considered her probably my best friend. Obviously, I love her and I miss her.”

Related: Rachel Leviss Feels 'Empowered' 1 Year After Scandoval, Can See 'Light at the End of the Tunnel' (Exclusive)

Later in the episode, Sandoval became increasingly upset when Lisa Vanderpump asked how he planned to move forward with his friends.

"I’m trying to figure this out. This is a lot for me… my friend Ali died, I have Scheana [Shay] hitting me up, telling me if I need anything, please reach out to her. Meanwhile, that same day, she’s releasing things starting rumors about me and Billie," he said. "You know what Scheana? You know what I need from you, I need you to take a day off from f---ing dragging my name through the dirt. So, it’s really just 'kick Tom when he’s down. Let’s kick Raquel while she’s down.'"

Sandoval insisted that he wanted to “move on” from the scandal as he claimed that Lisa was attacking him for his handling of the affair. He raised his voice and said, “This is my life. I’m not living my rock star dreams. I’m literally grueling. It’s grueling f---ing work.”

“Have some remorse,” Lisa replied and he yelled, “I am!"

He added, “If I f---ing say I’m sorry, and I cry, oh crocodile tears.”

Related: Tom Sandoval's Estranged VPR Castmates Leave Him in the Dust as They Claim He Has to 'Pay' for Friends

The conversation turned more serious when Sandoval admitted that the affair has taken a toll on his mental health. He told Lisa, “I battled with f---ing suicide. Don’t tell me what I’ve felt.”

In a confessional, he continued, “I was hanging on by a thread. Your walls start closing in. You can’t see outside of the hurt, the pain. You can’t dream about better days. I was getting to the point where I felt like what’s the f---ing point?”

Lisa then reminded Sandoval that he promised her that he would reach out if he ever had suicidal thoughts and recalling him telling her after the scandal broke, “I’m not the person. I wouldn’t do that.” After learning about his mental health and that he didn’t reach out, she said it “scares the f—ing living daylights out of me” following her brother Mark’s suicide.

The conversation ended with Lisa telling him the only way to repair his friendships is with “utter sensitivity and contrition.”

Related: Ariana Madix Said She 'Had to Be a F---ing Raging B---' to Not Be 'Walked Over' in Tom Sandoval Relationship

Following Sandoval’s admission, Lisa went to his friend and business partner Tom Schwartz to discuss him having “some really dark thoughts." Schwartz responded, “I would like to think I’m one of his best friends in the world and he didn’t tell me that until after I found out through other people in life.”

Lisa worried that it would be “too late” if they didn’t take action to help him, saying, “I don’t think there’s a person on this planet who has lost someone to suicide that doesn’t have regret. If they say I’m foolish for reaching out to him, I’ll take it. I’ll take that rather than the alternative.”

She encouraged Schwartz to try to “help change this whole narrative” and get the whole group together again. After Lisa said the group should attend the opening of her new restaurant Wolf in Lake Tahoe, California, Schwartz was doubtful if Ariana and Sandoval would attend together.

Related: Rachel Leviss Now Realizes Her Connection with Tom Sandoval Was Like a 'Frog in Boiling Water' — 'Not Love'

Later at James Kennedy’s gig at SUR, Schwartz attempted to get the group on board but he was met with resistance when he shared that Sandoval was invited. In response, Ariana told him, “I don’t want to be anywhere either you or my ex.”

Schwartz insisted the trip could be good despite it being a “complicated situation.” But Lala Kent said there will come a day when Schwartz will realize he should have “gotten rid” of Sandoval, adding, “He will devastate you.”

Ariana had enough of Schwartz standing by her ex and told him, “Listen, I gave up on you a long time ago, and my life is better for it… You’re a lost cause.”

“Don’t speak on behalf of the entire group,” he responded. “You’re not the queen of the group, come on. Your ego is getting a little big, come on.”

In a confessional, Ariana explained Schwartz was “clearly confusing strength and boundaries with ego,” adding, “I’m not making decisions for anyone but myself. If I don’t want to be around my ex, I literally don’t f---ing have to.”

He then apologized and explained that he missed “the old group dynamic.” Ariana simply replied, “No one destroyed that but him.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.

For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Read the original article on People.