It’s safe to say that this year’s Christmas is going to be the weirdest one in memory.
Pandemics have a way of doing that.
Yep, 2020 has been a strange year, one full of twists and turns. It’s a year so bizarre that the holiday gifts should be just as strange.
Many of us are unable to go home for the holidays, so we have to send gifts that convey our heartfelt wishes to friends, family and loved ones.
If it’s the thought that counts, let these wacky holiday gifts say without hesitation: “I think you’re weird.” In a good way, of course!
Elf Costume For Bearded Dragon
It's an age-old story: The family is enjoying the holidays all decked in holiday gear while the beloved bearded dragon gets left out in the cold. That travesty ends now, thanks to this elf costume perfectly designed for the celebration-loving reptile in your life.
Back In 1985, a black bear found and ate $15 million worth of cocaine in Kentucky. Now, this so-called cocaine bear can be remembered every holiday season. This ornament, true to its name, shows a bear looking very, very high. Merry Christmas?
Building Bricks Waffle Maker
If you're one of the millions of people who couldn't decide whether to eat waffles or Legos for breakfast, this waffle maker will be a godsend. It creates building bricks of different sizes, allowing you to make the waffle sculpture of your dreams.
Pooping Flamingo
My daddy used to say, "Nothing says Christmas like a pooping flamingo." Me: "Not holiday cookies?" Dad: "No." Me: "Not seasonal music?" Dad: "Ha!" Me: "What about a tree with decorations?" Dad: "Get real. Pooping flamingos are the reason for the season."
Stuffed animals are usually happy. But this is 2020 -- the rules have changed. That means snuggling with a grumpy octopus instead of a teddy bear.
Face Pillows
The problem with most pillows is that they're so ... impersonal. Luckily, the face pillow will allow the recipient to enjoy a giant big piece of bedroom upholstery with a giant face on it.
"Wow! That's a really big bow on your head." "Thank you!" "I mean, it's really a large bow." "Yes, yes it is." "So, is there anything else interesting about you about besides this really large bow on your head?" "Not really!"
Sexy Elf Costume
If you're one of those people who fantasize about the romantic goings-on in Santa's workshop, this sexy elf costume is perfect for role playing.
Work Wonnies
The pandemic has created unique wardrobe problems for remote workers: What do you wear to a Zoom meeting that is comfy but still looks professional? Thanks to the Work Wonnie, that challenge is solved. It's a onesie with a respectable shirt on top and comfy sweatpants below. Hopefully, this will be allowed at offices when we go back.
Brutally Honest 2020 Tree Ornaments
Christmas in 2020 is going to be different than years past. So, why not add some ornaments that reflect the mood of the year using the most graphic language possible? Exactly!
Bad Sweater Bourbon
Why should ugly holiday sweaters be limited to sentient beings? This 4-year-old bourbon is spiked with holiday spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, cacao nibs and vanilla bean, and comes with its own ugly sweater. Drink up!
Lightbulb That Doubles As A Flashlight
Granted, nobody sits on Santa's lap and asks for a lightbulb, but this one is pretty cool. It doubles as a flashlight in a pinch and can stay powered for five hours on its own, even if there is a blackout.
Ugly Christmas Slippers
Today's modern ugly holiday sweaters are designed to be in your face. These ugly Christmas slippers take a more subtle approach. Hope you like people staring at your feet!
Cat DNA Test
Why should DNA tests be limited to humans? The Basepaws DNA test ends the human-centric bias by giving your cats a chance to explore their genetic roots. Hopefully, you won't have a bunch of unexpected relatives popping out of the woodwork.
Dragon Mask
Face masks are supposed to be utiltarian, but there's no reason they can't be stylish. This very expensive dragon face mask will be perfect for the "Game Of Thrones"-loving status seeker in your life.
Teddy bears are OK, but sometimes you just want snuggle with a plague doctor, right? (Please don't tell me I'm wrong.)
Neckline Groomer
Shaving the back of one's neck with a razor is not recommended. But the neckline groomer attempts to make it easier with a strap that attaches three safety blades to it. Truly cutting edge.
LED Smart Mask
Face masks save lives, but they can make communication difficult. The Smart Mask tries to remedy that by using LED lights that supposedly mimic facial movements. It's not perfect, but it is perfect for that TikTok video you've been planning.
Snowflake Jumpsuit
Thanks to climate change, it may soon be too hot to wear ugly holiday sweaters in December. The answer? A stylish snowflake jumpsuit!
Looking for something stylish for the "Christmas Story" fan in your life? This skater dress with "fragile leg lamps" will be treated as a major award, for sure.
Sushi Chalk
I'm sorry, but once you've experienced the joys of making chalk drawings using chalk shaped like sushi, everything lacks that certain je ne sais quoi. It's a travesty that we've lived so long with, ugh, chalk that looks like chalk.
Airgraft Vape App That Tells You How Much You've Smoked
The Airgraft is a perfect example of technology that serves a purpose we didn't realize was missing. It connects to a phone via Bluetooth and allows a person to see just how big their vape hits were. Previously, people were only able to judge this by the amount of smoke they exhaled. How prehistoric.
If You Give A Bunny A Beer
Although rabbit alcoholism is vastly underreported, this book will help families understand the consequences that can flow when a bunny gets that first can of beer. Note: Never give alcohol to actual rabbits.
Santa Beard Face Warmer
A Santa hat and fake beard are good things to have this time of year. But typically, those products aren't made for warmth. This version will keep your face warm all winter long, even after your loved ones tell you "Christmas is over."
Pajamaralls
Ugly holiday sweaters had their day, but there are other kinds of equally ugly festive apparel. I give you ... the pajamarall.
Log Pillow
Any self-respecting tree hugger is faced with this problem at least once in their life: What to do when you're indoors, a place where, traditionally, trees aren't allowed. For them, we suggest the log pillow, a marvel of the modern age.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.
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