6 government ministries that would panic if Godzilla came to Singapore

One of the ironic parts about “Shin: Godzilla” (aka “Godzilla: Resurgence”) is how the Japanese government reacts to Godzilla’s arrival. It’s an event that none of them have any experience with, and completely bamboozles all the departments. Shortly after that, one of the characters comments that the various ministries will try their best to push their responsibilities to another ministry. Yep, sounds like a government all right.

We certainly hope that the actual Japanese government would react much better than that (and they have, so there’s no worry there), but what about the Singapore government? Which ministries would be panicking at Godzilla’s resurgence? In reality, all of them would be fretting over a radioactive behemoth stepping all over Orchard Road. But here are the six that would (probably) panic the most.

That’s a lot of radiation coming from Godzilla in “Shin Godzilla.” (Encore Films)

1. Ministry of Environment and Water Resources (MEWR)

Godzilla is radioactive. He’s a walking nuclear reactor, and his body is unshielded, meaning that all that radiation is leaking out of him. His blood and other waste products are so foul smelling that in “Shin Godzilla” they have to clean it up immediately. MEWR would be hurriedly issuing notices to stay away from Godzilla while trying to figure out a cure or preventive measure for all that radiation flooding Singapore.

Mmm hmm. Godzilla creates a lot, and I mean a lot, of waste in “Shin Godzilla.” (Encore Films)

2. Ministry of National Development (MND)

Remember the biological waste that Godzilla leaves behind? If we humans can already produce such disgusting… droppings, just think about the smell and mass of Godzilla’s faecal matter. And since cleaning up the streets is the job of the Town Council, and the Town Council is under the Ministry of National Development, there’ll be chaos as they try to forecast where Godzilla will step next. He’d better not come during the election period, because then nobody will be able to keep track of who’s supposed to clean up after him.

Maybe if Kayoko (Satomi Ishihara) from “Shin Godzilla” delivered the news it wouldn’t be so bad. (Encore Films)

3. Ministry of Transport

Seriously, the Ministry of Transport just can’t catch a break. Godzilla will definitely cause traffic jams, for one, but he’s probably going to disrupt one of our train lines. We already have so many problems keeping SMRT running when there’s no giant monster rampaging in the streets. Godzilla is just going to exacerbate the train faults. And this time, we can’t blame plastic cable ties for the delays.

Would we see any helicopters like in “Shin Godzilla?” (Encore Films)

4. Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA)

If Godzilla comes, who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters, their proton packs and containment units aren’t going to be able to hold Godzilla. You’re going to dial 999 (or SMS 71999 if you’re scared that he’ll hear you). And once panic sets in, everybody is going to call 999 for anything that even vaguely reminds them of Godzilla. Since the police is under MHA…

This, my friends, is what FIBUA is for - situations like those in “Shin Godzilla.” (Encore Films)

5. Ministry of Defence (MINDEF)

At some point, the SAF is going to be involved. All those fighter jets are going to see some action as they spell SG51 in the air while performing an air strike on Godzilla. Our tanks are going to be pelting the creature with as many shells as they can fire. Someone’s got to sign all those indent forms for ammunition, and in the end, MINDEF is the one which will need to approve everything.

They’d be as stressed as Yaguchi (Hiroki Hasegawa) in “Shin Godzilla.” (Encore Films)

6. Ministry of Communications and Information (MCI)

Finally, someone has to issue the news reports and press releases about Godzilla facts, lest rumours spread over Facebook. That’s where MCI is going to come in, and they’ll be working overtime as they warn the next neighbourhood who will be in the path of an irate Godzilla. But Yahoo will also cover it, don’t worry (as long as we don’t have to send our queries to a generic email address and wait a couple of days for the reply). We might even have a listicle of Godzilla facts for you!

Godzilla’s arrival will trigger a joint MEWR-MND-MHA-MINDEF-MCI-MOT response. Did we leave out any ministry? Drop us a comment if you think we’ve left out the ministry you work for!


Marcus Goh is a Singapore television scriptwriter. He’s also a Transformers enthusiast and avid pop culture scholar. He Tweets/Instagrams at Optimarcus and writes atmarcusgohmarcusgoh.com. The views expressed are his own.